is this bag childish for year 7

[dinosaursroars]

my 11 year old is going to start year 7 next month and he’s recently diagnosed with autism after i said for years and everyone just said well wait and see but he has no ehcp and im worried he’s quiet and sensitive

He has no ehcp because we couldnt sort it in time and m worried about bullying and just everything about starting secondary school his primary only had 30 kids in a class who he was with all day and when going to places like the hall for pe they were always together but hell be pretty much by himself and thay fills me with anxiety

he’s my 3rd going to this school. my eldest i was abit worried as he started in 2020 and he had no transition days or anything but the worry wasn’t this much and my 2nd i wasnt worried at all hes socialable and loud (sometimes mouthy but a good thing because hes not the typical target for bullies if that makes sense) hes is in. year 10 in sept and theyll be going to school by bus together and im worried about this too as ds will have to wait 5 mins for his brother as year 7s finish early

now to the point of the post im looking at backpacks on vinted and this is his choice (pic attached) js this a target for bullying? id like your opinions but also if you have a child going into year 7 or just finished their opinion if possible

my eldest has said why should it matter what bag he wants and bullies will pick on anything if theyre going to which is true but id like him to not be a direct instant target if possible

also just any other advice and things i had loads of advice about my eldest starting college last year and im just feeling overwhelmed and anxious but dont want ds to feel like this so im trtingto hide it

he needs a plain one bigger than that. Just explain that bags like that not allowed at secondary. Ours stipulated plain. Those bags are way too small.

I agree I would stick with a plain backpack and not either of the designs (keep it for the weekend?) but I'm not sure why so many posters keep saying it's too small as though they know more about what is required at OP's school than OP (who's already had two children there) does? Your school might require a bag large enough for a full scale mountain hike, but not every school does the same.

All secondary school children need equipment, water, PE kit and most take food. An eleven year olds shoes won't fit in a tiny backpack.

I think that’s more the case for girls than boys, sadly.

I guess it will blow your mind to know that my DS didn't take a bag at all to secondary school most days.

Lunch and pens, pencils etc got crammed into blazer pockets and the PE kit stayed at school.

What's normal in one school is not true for every other school.

Yes, most students did take a bag but some of them were smaller than the ones OP has pictured e.g. girls often used "big handbags".

I wouldn’t, my son is autistic too, I got him to pick a bag from Hype that were more to his taste but not quite so babyish as the sort of bags he’d usually like. He ended up picking up something quite neutral but had a lot of pockets on the inside which he liked!

I think that kids are older, say Y9 to Y11, they can get away with stuff like that because at that age it’s clearly being done to look quirky and ironic.

But in Y7-8 it won’t read as ironic, it will just look childish to other kids.

Put it this way, when I was 16 in the 1990s I used to wear a kids’ digital watch that played the James Bond theme tune and my friend had a My Little Pony lunchbox. No problem; we were offbeat indie types.

But if we’d had those when were 12 we’d have been ridiculed.

the PE kit stayed at school

Didn’t it get washed?! Surely he had to bring it to and from school pretty frequently for that purpose?

And didn’t he have things like textbooks and folders? Art projects? I know a lot more is digital these days but surely not everything?

No, he cannot take either of those bag, he will have the piss taken out of him. Target from day 1!

No it was both.
My daughter had a more "boyish" bag. It was a Nintendo one.
She came home one day saying a Year 8 boy (who she knew from primary) chased her through the park.
Turns out it was because he wanted to say "I love your bag" too her 😂

im grateful that everyone has to have the school uniform school backpack at my kids’ school. It’s £45 but really sturdy and lasts the whole 5-7 years so a bargain.
Same with their games bag, although they do end up needing an extra one for hockey sticks, cricket kit etc.

Ffs do not buy him those bags. Something plain with enough room for everything he needs.

Could you show him some plain, larger ones and as a compromise maybe get a couple of character keyrings to hang off it?

Go for a plain one that's going to be large enough for all their books. They lug around sooooo much

This thread makes me sad.
My daughter goes to a SEN school for children with Autism.
They all have a variety of colourful or novelty backpacks, with cute keyrings galore hanging off them and usually covered with pin badges.
And no one cares !
No one says anything nasty.
They just accept each others tastes.
Sometimes I think those with autism have a much better view on life and how to treat one another.

I would absolutely not send an nd dc into high school with that bag. He's unlikely to be able to foresee how shitty other dc are going to be about it. I'd opt for a plain bag in a common brand.

Sadly I’d also encourage a more neutral choice. It shouldn’t be the case and might depend on the school but it will probably make him more of a target for teasing and bullying especially at first. It’s rubbish but it’s the reality. You could get him something else and he could personalise it by adding a sonic or Jurassic park keychain or patch which will be much less noticeable and more socially acceptable. Do you think he could get on board with this?

The size depends on the school, my dc’s school says bags have to be at least a4 sized, so not huge. Their books are kept in classrooms a lot of the time they just have to carry stationery, planner water bottle, possibly lunch and pe kit once a week. There are days where dc won’t even take a bag to school and cram whatever stationery they need in their blazer pockets (I’d rather they just take a bag but at least it has its uses).

My daughter started secondary last september - she is autistic. I have so many thoughts on this! I really sympathise Op. My daughter does have a very detailed EHCP and it made not a blind bit of difference school was hell anyway. She lasted a few weeks and she is now in a specialist alternative provision.

Not what you might want to hear but I do think it's important to face these truths - we went into it (mainstream) knowing it would be veyr very hard and it was. She also came from a tiny primary - we were promised the moon on a stick in transition meetings and it all turned out to be bollocks. It was sink or swim basically and she drowned.

you have an advantage if you have two children there and know the school - hopefully he will have the support he needs.

re. the bag - ultimately - kids see what kids are like regardless of this stuff. there were a few ND kids in my childs class some very obvious. I'm not sure what bag you have really hides it but yes these bags are not what kids will have - plain nike was all I ever saw!

DS, now 14, has two on the go, inherited from older DS. Black North Face and khaki Carhartt. Both much bigger than the OP's photo. Hype is not regarded favourably at his school.

Plain black rucksack is the best. Can you tell him it’s non optional school uniform? And then maybe he can have the other bag for weekends?

I’d buy plain black or navy, unbranded, from a supermarket to start off with, it needs to be able to hold a ring binder and neither of these are big enough. Mine had dakine bags with a nice pattern, but are girls

Let him have what he likes. If he’s comfortable and happy then that’s all that matters and that’s the message you should be giving him.

‘Your bag’s for kids’
’i like it. It’s not yours, you don’t have to. And don’t you know gaming is a multi billion pound industry in the UK so pretty sure it’s not just for kids’

I would tell him that a high school bag has to be big enough for an A4 folder and a plain colour. Our school doesn’t allow anything but black. I know that might not be the case for you but I’d tell a white lie here.

Unless it’s a specialist SEN school, either bags will put a target on his bag. Tell him they’ve updated uniform policy and it has to be a solid colour bag. He can pick any solid colour he likes.

its hard to tell on a picture how big the bag is but hes against a plain black bag i showed him some options and he said none and i dont know how to explain to him he needs one because i dont want to stress him out over a bag when secondary school is much bigger than that. theres nothing in the policy about a bag its just “appropriate bag to carry equipment and books”

he will need to fit his lunch in their but hes currently also wanting a lunch bag its hard to tell him no to that also as his brothers both had/have school lunch so i cant say “x and x didnt take a lunchbag” becuase they didnt but theu didnt have an alternative either as they bought

he will need a pe bag either separate or in the bag which is another worry as at primary school he could wear his pe kit to school which was the rule for everyone but he will have to get dressed and he struggles with buttons, ive got him some shirts with velcro instead but hes used to polo shirts as it was either at primary havent got shoes yet but probably will be velcro and again i dont know how thatll go down as most will have laces probably?

im aware im rambling and its not just about the bag the bag is just a small part but all my worries are linked
l