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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to have snuck through my husband's Gmail.....

195 replies

Kiki92 · 01/08/2026 15:51

A weird one. A random one.

My husband has a history of compulsive porn use. He was secretly spending hundreds of pounds a month on cam sites while telling me he had a low sex drive and rarely wanting sex with me. He would also on and off again download dating apps, paying for the premium versions and scroll... Not chatting to anyone, just scrolling....

I found the truth out seven months ago. Since then, he's been to therapy, got rid of his smartphone for a while, and switched to a basic phone so he couldn't easily access apps. I've been in therapy too.

He's now gone back to using a smartphone, saying he needs it for banking and other everyday things. He's also stopped therapy because he says he can't afford it. For context, he earns around £3.5k a month and contributes £700 to our joint account... He gets PISSED OFF whenever I mention anything about the past.

He's away this weekend. I logged onto the family computer to do a food shop and realised he'd left his Gmail account signed in. I know I shouldn't have looked, but I did. I know, terrible....

While I was looking, I found his Google Photos. There were a large number of photos of his penis that appear to have been taken recently, many of them seemingly at work. They weren't sent to me... He's also been paying for cam girls again. He tried to delete the automated email invoices, but missed a few...

In my head, he's sending dick pics to people... What else could it be? Really?

I obviously don't want to have the conversation over text when he's away.... But I'm upset. What do I do?! Right now, what do I do? I can't focus on anything. I was looking forward to the time alone, but I'm just so sad.

OP posts:
jellyfish798 · 01/08/2026 15:52

Leave this excuse for a man. You deserve better and you know it.

Changeaboutnow · 01/08/2026 15:58

No of course you weren't unreasonable OP. Given his history he should expect to be fully transparent with all his on line activity.

He is an addict and he has relapsed. This will be a recurring pattern if you stay with him OP.

Why not save yourself a lifetime of mistrust and disappointment?

Dryshampoofordays · 01/08/2026 16:03

He can stick his £700 a month contribution up his arse, you’ll be better off without him OP

Lexy2345 · 01/08/2026 16:05

Time to end this travesty of a marriage. You deserve better than this poor excuse for a man. Leave him to his sad little life and get out.

Pedant61 · 01/08/2026 16:07

I'm sorry, OP, I think you have other issues with this man. He keeps £2,800 a month from his salary and contributes only £700 to the household.
I'm all for couples having separate accounts and a level of financial independence, but this just looks.....odd. One has to wonder how he spends his £2.8k!

PrizedPickledPopcorn · 01/08/2026 16:07

How much do you put in the joint account, OP? I’d leave him for the £700. It’s not enough to compensate for the emotional upset he causes you. He’s a non contributor in every way.

mtobrokeme · 01/08/2026 16:07

‘In my head, he’s sending dick pics to people’

It’s not ‘in your head’ at all. He’s taking them and sending them.

Do you need his measly contribution of 700 quid a month for this? Really? Fuck him off. Sad bastard.

Freeme31 · 01/08/2026 16:09

What do you do - you leave him/chick him out he clearly doesn’t care about you or your boundaries. Don’t waste anymore time on this man

PrizedPickledPopcorn · 01/08/2026 16:12

What’s the housing and children situation? I can’t imagine you want to stay with him, now.

TheLightSideOfTheMoon · 01/08/2026 16:12

You need to download/print/screenshot EVERYTHING.

Do this now before he logs out.

Tryingtobenormal124 · 01/08/2026 16:13

Is it your house. If it is, pack his stuff and dump it in the garden. Or on the pavement. Sent him a text. You never mentioned kids. Hopefully none and you can move on with your life. Good luck.

Kokonimater · 01/08/2026 16:13

All you can do for now is keep breathing and take care of yourself. Use this time to start planning. Get a notebook and start writing down all your thoughts and feelings.
write down a list of possible ways forward.
make a list of people you have that can support you. You’ll get through this

Parcelpass · 01/08/2026 16:14

£700? How much do you pay? How old are your DC?

greenbean80 · 01/08/2026 16:17

Why you with him? Fucking hell just leave ffs

AzureLurker · 01/08/2026 16:17

All of the above. He hasn't and clearly isnt going to change. Also to add, I'd leave just because he's one of those men that think anyone wants to see that!

category12 · 01/08/2026 16:18

What conversation is there to have?

Presumably he'll just say he was taking the pics for, I dunno, his own documentary purposes or for medical reasons or to measure a coke can or something.

Gardenisablooming · 01/08/2026 16:19

He's a cheating twat..
Get rid.

MyPlumHelper · 01/08/2026 16:20

Generally, I would say, it is not ok to look through a partners email accounts.

I wouldn't like it done to me and I wouldn't do it to a partner of mine.

I have nothing to hide.But that's not the point. I've had friends who've done it.And that way madness lies.

Once they've started checking their partners accounts, they can't stop because when they don't find something they keep thinking.They will.

You, on the other hand he's clearly not going to stop it. So you have two choices.Do you stay or do you go.

MarthaLovesLaughing · 01/08/2026 16:20

Good lord. What conversation were you intending to have? He's vile. Get rid

Disturbia81 · 01/08/2026 16:24

God life just isn’t worth this. Just get out. You deserve so much more

UhOhRatPoo · 01/08/2026 16:25

Divorce. No alternative. How low are your standards that you would want to be anywhere near a man who photographs his dick at work?

Nurseposter123 · 01/08/2026 16:29

Mumsnet makes me despair about men.

YOU DESERVE BETTER.
This is not harmless, no matter what they were used for (he's hardly wanking to his own dick pics let's be honest)

Again, YOU DESERVE BETTER.

TFImBackIn · 01/08/2026 16:32

My conversation would consist of "Your bags are in the hallway. Get the hell out of here."

Kiki92 · 01/08/2026 16:32

I’m finding this so much harder than I expected.

I went into this with the best of intentions. I genuinely wanted to support him through it and I thought we were on the same page. I knew there would probably be relapses and slip-ups, and I accepted that. The one thing I asked for was honesty. If he told me the truth, I felt I could cope with whatever came next. And I could have...

But he isn't even doing that.

And then there are the photos. I honestly don't know how else to interpret them other than that he's sending them to someone. Why else would you take photos like that?

OP posts:
Cnidarian · 01/08/2026 16:32

This doesn't have to be your life. There is a life of dignity and respect without this incessant betrayal where you can find peace and happiness. You had every reason to look, and you now have every reason to leave. Your marriage has been over for a long time, he doesn't respect you, doesn't even treat you as if he likes you. You deserve to be loved and respected, this ain't it. I'm sorry it had to be this hard 💐