AIBU to have snuck through my husband's Gmail.....

[Kiki92]

A weird one. A random one.

My husband has a history of compulsive porn use. He was secretly spending hundreds of pounds a month on cam sites while telling me he had a low sex drive and rarely wanting sex with me. He would also on and off again download dating apps, paying for the premium versions and scroll... Not chatting to anyone, just scrolling....

I found the truth out seven months ago. Since then, he's been to therapy, got rid of his smartphone for a while, and switched to a basic phone so he couldn't easily access apps. I've been in therapy too.

He's now gone back to using a smartphone, saying he needs it for banking and other everyday things. He's also stopped therapy because he says he can't afford it. For context, he earns around £3.5k a month and contributes £700 to our joint account... He gets PISSED OFF whenever I mention anything about the past.

He's away this weekend. I logged onto the family computer to do a food shop and realised he'd left his Gmail account signed in. I know I shouldn't have looked, but I did. I know, terrible....

While I was looking, I found his Google Photos. There were a large number of photos of his penis that appear to have been taken recently, many of them seemingly at work. They weren't sent to me... He's also been paying for cam girls again. He tried to delete the automated email invoices, but missed a few...

In my head, he's sending dick pics to people... What else could it be? Really?

I obviously don't want to have the conversation over text when he's away.... But I'm upset. What do I do?! Right now, what do I do? I can't focus on anything. I was looking forward to the time alone, but I'm just so sad.

Block him for the rest of the weekend.

look I don’t agree you should have looked but given the situation its no wonder you have trust issues.

were you having issues prior to all this starting? By that I mean have you kind of fell into companionship and no intimacy? Or rowing all the time. He obviously choose to seek what he thought he was missing and went down a very grubby path.

take tonight and tomorrow to think about what you want and speak to him when he gets home.

Your first mistake was thinking her was paying premium memberships on dating sites just to scroll. The line between “free content” and paid has been crossed for a reason and it’s not the reason you hope to believe.

He has proven there is no hope in this relationship anymore.

Hes going as far as taking pictures of his dick to send to others , presumably on those dating sites he was just scrolling.
And doing so in a professional setting. That’s the risks he takes.

leg it. Now

and forget about the guilt of looking. If I were you know I’d be in his Google locations too

Change the locks.

Yes, I would be checking as much as possible.

My ex has an addiction - different type but an addiction is an addiction. I would be gathering as much evidence as possible so you get a full picture. Do you have access to his bank records ?

YABU to stay in this relationship fgs where is your bar? In hell?

Why is he only putting £700 into the joint account when he earns £3.5k per month?

You will likely get more money divorced, and you won't have a perve living with you. Win, win.

Please leave him.

You do not need this man, he is gross.

This man is a compulsive liar and you snooped because you know it. The therapy was performative and he clearly thinks enough time has passed where he no longer feels the need to ‘perform’.

He is never going to be the man you want him to be, accept it and move on, or waste more of your time waiting for the other shoe to drop.

The balls in your court.

My ex husband was this person, maybe he still is. It does not get better, they are broken. It’s not your job to fix. Get out now. If you can do so amicably and with as little emotional damage as possible, all the better. These men are highly dangerous - emotionally and financially.

That’s that then I suppose. I’m so sorry he’s broken your trust, and so repeatedly. He clearly has an addiction that is outside of his control, but it’s not on you to keep picking up the pieces 💐

Leave this scum, just leave. Dirt consumes in so many ways - dirt consumed him totally, he is beyond saving, but if you don't leave him, dirt will consume you in other ways - you will be nervous, always on the lookout, you will live with the feeling of dirt around you. Leave this scum.

Well, let's think about this for a minute. If he found photos of your tits and vagina on your PC that he hadn't received, you were paying for cam boys and paying for premium tinder to, er, 'scroll', what do you think he would do?

He would leave you because it is cheating. But it's somehow ok because he's a man? No no no. In no reality is that true. Leave him, like he would leave you. Also worse he stopped then just did it again. He doesn't respect you and he never will. Leave.

Also, when he immediately throws back in your face the old "omg you were snooping!!!! Why would you do that!!!" Just tell him and his 2 remaining brain cells to go figure it out while you pack your bags and live a life not playing second fiddle to random girls online.

By messaging him about it what are you hoping for? You have the proof he's lied and done it again or even worse he never stopped.

LTDP

Leave the disgusting pervert. I left mine. Good luck.

Get your ducks in a row 🦆🦆🦆

Take screenshots of everything 📷
Invoices
Payments
Emails
Bank statements
Text messages

Get all your info and be smart. 💯
He is an addict by the sounds of it.
He will become adept at hiding his addiction and he will deny deny deny.

Only you can decide if you want to stay with someone who treats you this way.

Personally I would be seeing a solicitor....
@Kiki92

Oh just get out. I read these posts and my heart sinks - do women have so little self-respect that they truly think they deserve to put up with this stuff?

Leave him to his wanking and get the life you deserve.

Men and their bloody dicks .....

What do you mean, what do you do?
You leave him. That’s what you do.

Leave and do not look back…

If you want to stay then make it a condition that he has therapy and sticks with it, and that he gives up his smartphone again. However, it's unlikely this will happen and I would be using the time he's away to arrange you lraving

Use the time to plan your divorce.

Well what advice would you give to OP?
Do you think she should sacrifice her happiness, and well being and self respect and actually stay married to this addict?

If ever advising an OP to end her marriage was justified it is here

Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice shame on me..

Even if he’s not sending the pictures to specific people, he’s presumably posting them online somewhere.