AIBU to expect a cleaner family bathroom when staying with in-laws?

[Lavendar01]

Husband and I are visiting his parents for a week, and his sister lives there too.

There's a family bathroom that only my SIL uses, and it's got sanitary towel wrappers on the floor, a wet used towel, and clothes piled on the laundry basket or the floor. No handwash or hand towel either.

We both feel this is pretty basic etiquette and hygiene. Are we overreacting?

If you were me, what would you do (or not do)? She has a tendency to react defensively to feedback

Don't stay with them?

I would ask your husband to have a word and/or go stay in a hotel instead

I'd clean the bathroom. That is the best message you can send.

Your husband can get a towel and some soap, you are being ridiculous imo

Either clean the bathroom or stay somewhere else. If the rest of the house is clean and pleasant Id probably just clean it

It sounds a bit messy but "unhygienic"?
Surely you don't mean the sanitary towel wrappers?

No handwash isn't unhygienic to you?

A) Your husband has a word with his sister/asks his parents for a spare towel and some soap.
B) Mutter under your breath, clean up a bit, get your own towel and soap/your husband asks his parents for a towel and soap.
C) Have a go at her in front of everyone and cause an embarrassment for both of you.
D) Leave.

Those are the options I can see.

Just ask for some handwash? Was there nothing else in the room you could have used to wash your hands? Bar soap? Shower gel?

Sounds like it’s not usually a ‘family/household’ bathroom. You are essentially using SiL’s personal bathroom. Up to her if she wants to bathe in a pigsty.

Surely there are towels in an airing cupboard or somewhere in the house you can get? Spare soap? Go and buy some if not.

YANBU in that I wouldn’t want to spend my time cleaning someone else’s bathroom - but equally I would want to use a clean bathroom. So pick one.

Doesn’t sound like she’s going to do it for you, however you phrase the ask.

Right, but what makes you incapable of grabbing some soap/handwash from the cupboard, or indeed from a shop?

I know it's not excuse but how old is the SIL... A teenager? I think if it were me, I would just suck it up for the sake of peace and get it cleaned and tidied. Probably wouldn't take more than 20 minutes. Either buy a handwash when you're out and about or try to locate one in the house somewhere and reassign it!

I would just tidy it up and ask if she can empty the washing basket, obviously she thought you were family and it was "fine" surely your husband can ask for some soap and towels.

It's her bathroom.

If it's not clean, you can clean it.

I expect she doesn't think she should have to clean up for her brother's family coming to stay.

I don’t think it’s ever really a guest’s place to moan about the home, whether it could be cleaner or not. You don’t have to stay there, it’s a favour to host you.

Yeah you’re using her bathroom and doesn’t sound like she invited you. You can complain to your in laws if you want but it’s petty and likely just cause issues.

Go buy what you want. It’ll cost a few bucks but far less than staying in a hotel. That way you have what you want.

How old is the sister? Sounds like my 13 year old daughter!! 😂

but seriously, if that is the bathroom that is intended for guests then absolutely the hosts should be making sure it’s suitable (habitable?!) perhaps they don’t go in there and leave it to your SIL to do as she pleases without realising it’s in such a state??

I’d say something like I couldn’t find the soap- have you run out and shall I pick some up for you? Might prompt your PIL to see what a state it’s in! And btw have you got a hand towel!

Thanks everyone, most people agree it's her bathroom and she doesn't have to clean it,l. I'm not sure i agree as it's a shared bathroom when family stay over, as no other bathrooms in the house. Its not an ensuite exactly.

Staying at a hotel isn't an option. But I agree, cleaning it and buying handwash gets the job done and sends a message.

Sister is 30years old.

How old is DS? It’s her home not an hotel and you’re invading it! If she’s kind enough to let you share her bathroom, you should at least be polite about it.

Ask your DH to speak to his parents about obtaining some hand soap/shower gel etc.

(cross posted with OP)

If you were me, what would you do (or not do)?

Just ask for some handwash and a towel, or get DH to do so as it’s his family.

You could put the wrappers in a bin.

Leave the clothes where they are unless they’re in the way, in which case move to near the laundry basket.

Don’t say anything to SIL or PIL about it being messy!

I’d definitely have tidied the bathroom before guests personally and would be a bit surprised she hadn’t, but everyone is different and you can’t do anything about that.

Why is it "her" bathroom if it is the only bathroom in the house ? Fwiw yes it should be tidy but as it is her brother she probably didn't think she needed to bother.

When I have guests, I always leave clean towels (bath and hand) on their bed for them. The rest of it sounds messy rather than dirty imo. I wonder if your MIL realises, given that they don't use that bathroom?

SIL sounds like a slob though. I hate cleaning and tidying, but my bathroom is always presentable!

How close are your family to his family? Is this a situation where you're all close and all muck in like he's still living at his parent's house or is this a more formal "visit" and you are the "guests"? If so who is doing the "hosting" in the house? Why isn't it his parent's responsibility to make sure the guests needs are met?

Either DH needs to sort it like he would have when he lived there, by mucking in or complaining to mummy. Or if that's not possible in his family dynamics, leave. Either go home early or find a hotel as your finances allow. I wouldn't stay somewhere with a messy shared bathroom without soap or towels. Get it fixed or leave

Are you going to use it or another bathroom?

I mean for me this would depend on the wider situation.

pils are elderly and have many illnesses and one is close to death and SIL is caring for them as best she can - shut up and sort it out yourself.

pil are totally healthy and SIL is fine - get a towel, get some soap (btw did you mean no soap at all? Lots of families use soap not habdwash) and have quite word