AIBU to expect a cleaner family bathroom when staying with in-laws?

[Lavendar01]

Husband and I are visiting his parents for a week, and his sister lives there too.

There's a family bathroom that only my SIL uses, and it's got sanitary towel wrappers on the floor, a wet used towel, and clothes piled on the laundry basket or the floor. No handwash or hand towel either.

We both feel this is pretty basic etiquette and hygiene. Are we overreacting?

If you were me, what would you do (or not do)? She has a tendency to react defensively to feedback

Why would the washing basket need emptying? That's where washing belongs. The washing on the floor should go in the basket.

We’ve had people come and afterwards I realised there was no towel or hand wash. It just happens sometimes!!!

It depends on how often they have guests I think. One or other member of my family stays at mine so often, that I’ve way past the stage of leaving a clean towel just for them folded on the bed and a chocolate on their pillow. None of those things are that bad, the handwash is a bit weird but you could have just plonked the shower gel you bought down to use and grabbed a towel from wherever they’re stored.

She has a tendency to react defensively to feedback

How often are you giving her "feedback" to have noticed this is a pattern? And why?

She's just used to being messy. As you say buy a cheap hand wash, shove her clothes in the wash basket and put the towel on a radiator. Lead by example!

Well buy some?

I wouldn't clean it.

I'd leave it as I find it, and provide my own soap, towels etc. (keep your stuff in your room and take it in with you).

I absolutely would not stay there again - you say staying elsewhere "is not an option" - well, it IS. You're just choosing to stay there and put up with it.

No need to complain just use your voice and say ‘ is there any soap for the bathroom? And could we have some towels please?’
simple.

I presume the parents have an en-suite and the sister typically has what would normally be the main bathroom to herself.

I would expect your husband to tell his sister to tidy up her mess, but he should be able to find a towel?

Some people are dirty and messy, I wouldn't let my own kids living like this, maybe the in-laws don't care.

If you were me, what would you do (or not do)?
I would do nothing, not my house, very rude of me to comment. If I really hated it, I would stay elsewhere

Your husband should clean, and then tell SIL to keep it that way and not leave her stuff on the floor.

It’s not your job!

‘Have you got any spare hand soap for the bathroom please’

You say no handwash. Was there a bar of soap?
If it were me I would politely ask PILs if there are any towels you could use and some soap/handwash. I would kick any clothes on the floor into the corner, and the fact there are clothes on top of the laundry basket isn't really a problem for you.
Yes, she's messy. It's not the end of the world. Suck it up for the few days you are there.

This wouldn't bother me at all. It doesn't sound dirty, just messy. It's not a hotel.

As a house guest would bring my own towel and toiletries.

And what was the problem about the laundry basket being in the bathroom? ..

It doesn't really sound unhygienic. Wet towels are normal in bathrooms and sanitary towel wrappers are just paper, though not scenic. I'd spend five minutes tidying up and put some handwash there if there's no soap or equivalent.

Couldn’t bear it. You make sure bathrooms are guest-ready. Go to a hotel. Sounds vile

You know that never even crossed my mind that the parents had an ensuite😳

Not nice, but since when are guests allowed to criticise?

There are no other bathrooms in the house - what about your PIL's what do they use ?

Were towels not laid out for you on your bed ?

Ffs, don’t be a complete knob. Just ask in-laws for handwash and a hand towel, job done. The rest you can live with short term surely? You don’t need to make a scene by cleaning the bathroom or having a bitch about it. Just ask for a hand towel and handwash.

It’s not his bathroom!

If she’s 30 and still living at home she clearly hasn’t been taught or needed to be independent or manage a home. And is a messy person.

I would ask for towels, soap and cleaning supplies and clean it. Alternatively I would just stay elsewhere.
I wouldn’t place the blame entirely on SIL either. It’s MILs house and there is no way my mum would leave a bathroom unclean/untidy if she knew guests were staying and she’s nearly 80

Ask for a towel and some handwash
Clean the bathroom if it’s not hygienic for you, but, don’t mention you’ve done it.
Next time stay in a hotel.
My own home is always clean and tidy but when you’re a guest in someone else’s home you need to lower your standards
Also my parents and my MIL are elderly so I have no problem with cleaning the toilet/bathroom/kitchen when I visit

For wider context, MIL (FIL passed away) is fit and healthy. SIL was living with her boyfirend which didnt work out so shes had to move back in with MIL for now, MIL's not very happy about her living habits but she'll be moving out at some point.

Since MIL doesnt use the bathroom, i wouldn't expect her to clean it. And the rest I can agree with what you all are saying, but the basics, like hadwash or soap, hand towel? like surely she would need that for herself when using the bathroom?

Oh forgot to mention the mirror of the bathroom was broken in the corner of the bathroom, which was a hazard and my husband has had to remove it, this morning.