AIBU to expect a cleaner family bathroom when staying with in-laws?

[Lavendar01]

Husband and I are visiting his parents for a week, and his sister lives there too.

There's a family bathroom that only my SIL uses, and it's got sanitary towel wrappers on the floor, a wet used towel, and clothes piled on the laundry basket or the floor. No handwash or hand towel either.

We both feel this is pretty basic etiquette and hygiene. Are we overreacting?

If you were me, what would you do (or not do)? She has a tendency to react defensively to feedback

Did this sound funny in your head?

I don't think a bathroom should not be clean and tidy full stop, guest or no guest anwyay 😂

No need to be so precious though, your son is not a guest. I don't have a bathroom without towels, but I am sure anyone visiting their own house or their parents house can manage to grab a towel or ask for one.

I’m assuming this is her home. So whilst it would be nice of her to clean it, I sort of think you’re imposing on her space in the visit and I would just take it as I found it. Grab a hand towel from the cupboard (or bring one), grab or bring some soap. I wouldn’t make this isn’t a big deal honesty, it’s just not worth it.

Sanitary towels are a bit gross, but generally I would have taken my own towels, had a bit of a clean up and just got on with it. Unless the rest of the house is awful?

I always make sure my bathrooms are clean when visitors come. It's not an article of faith but I hate the idea that anyone thinks we're manky (I hate grubby bathrooms especially toilets everywhere else).

PS I was brought up to clean up before visitors come, I guess not everyone was!

They don't have to invite you, but if they do, they should clean it. Just like you don't have to invite your mates for coffee, but if you do, they deserve clean cups!
Can't believe the people telling you to go to the shop-is it normal to go to the loo and then run round to the nearest shop (maybe miles away) with filthy hands?
And while leaving period products on the floor might be her business, the wrappers are a trip hazard and people younger than her have ended up with injuries after slipping on a bathroom floor.
And if there's no soap, how is she washing her hands? How clean are all the plates and cups you're using if it's abnormal for people to wash their hands there?
I'm no neat freak, but there's basic standards and handwash/towels are a minimum.

WTF? It's her bathroom that she's expected to share. It's not for him to lecture her. Imagine if someone came to stay with you and gave you a telling off about your housekeeping (when it's only superficially untidy) cleaned it and then told you to keep it that way!

Clean the bathroom, buy some hand soap or stay elsewhere.

Sil IS a minging fucker.

clean it to make the point @Lavendar01

and bonus points if you manage to drop it passAg into conversation with the “you must have been in a rush/on fire/running from the law but luckily we had some time to sort it out so it was fit for use”

Sounds like the bathroom is SIL’s only when there are no guests. SIL is also clearly unhappy and at a difficult stage in her life. I would get some gloves, bag the litter, put the clothes in the washer and wipe over with Antibacs and just get on. Yes her behaviour is not ok, but perhaps she doesn’t want anyone in her space. I wouldn’t argue, it’ll just make it worse.

Passive aggressively cleaning and adding things to bathroom will sort it for some future time.
You will just not be invited to stay again in there as long as she lives there

Hey MIL. Do you have any hand soap for the bathroom or shall I pop to the shop? And can I borrow a towel for me to use please as I forgot to bring one.

Simples

Is she paying rent

How are you not getting that it's a shared family bathroom?

SIL may have it to herself when no other family come to stay, but when PIL invite their son and DIL to stay, the bathroom becomes a family bathroom.

This isn't about SIL's bedroom, it's about a shared family bathroom. Everyone has a duty to keep it usable.

Do you not have bathroom etiquette at home?

I agree with this.

I take a bar of soap when I travel incase there is no soap- in this case just buy some hand wash. You can ask for a towel!

“Hey your bathroom is out of handwash and there is no hand towel, where do you keep them?” If she kicks off welp not much you can do about that, I think soap in the bathroom is a pretty basic thing!

i would pick up soap cause i think its gross hot to have any and i would avoid all and any food prepped by her! 🤢

I think it’s gross but also not sure what you can do about it. Seems a pretty petty reason to fall out with your in-laws - just spend 5 mins sorting it out and move on.

I always, always clean my father’s bathroom before touching anything in there. Long and complicated situation but it’s on me if I want anything to be different.

She sees that as her personal space and she doesn’t want you in it. It’s not a guest bathroom in her eyes and it’s not for you insist that it is.

Your options are to clean it (but fully expect her to re-mark her territory) or to stay elsewhere/go home.

Yes, it’s grim. I keep the communal bathrooms very tidy when we have house guests, but I’m always a bit appalled going to other people’s houses. Actual balls of pubes blowing about on the floor and dust that looks like it’s been there 3 years. Our house is very lived in and my standards are quite low, but I take 5 minutes to clean the bathroom before people get there and I keep it picked up as best I can.

I would get a bin, hand towels, handwash, rubber gloves, sink and bath and toilet cleaner etc and just put it all in there. Then’d I’d clean it. I would not give verbal feedback except to say you are helping out.

I was brought up to clean up before visitors come, I guess not everyone was!

For me a clean bathroom with towels and some hand-washing materials are basic requirements for visitors. It may usually be the sister's home and bathroom but if you were invited to come and stay - which, I'm assuming you were - then this isn't very welcoming.

Peak mumsnet.

Id just roll my eyes and ask mil where the towels are and has she any spare hand wash.

My bathroom usually has mounds in family washing basket

Should she have tidied it? Yes
Is it her brother's place to lecture her in her own home? No

It's DHs family, tell him to clean the bathroom and tell his sister to not leave her rubbish lying around in the bathroom!