AIBU to expect a cleaner family bathroom when staying with in-laws?

[Lavendar01]

Husband and I are visiting his parents for a week, and his sister lives there too.

There's a family bathroom that only my SIL uses, and it's got sanitary towel wrappers on the floor, a wet used towel, and clothes piled on the laundry basket or the floor. No handwash or hand towel either.

We both feel this is pretty basic etiquette and hygiene. Are we overreacting?

If you were me, what would you do (or not do)? She has a tendency to react defensively to feedback

I'm confused by some of the responses, I don't think it sounds disgusting or grim or vile at all? Unless you've missed out a load of detail and it's actually physically dirty? Clothes and wrappers on the floor are not particularly considerate (but also hardly a health hazard) - perhaps she got ready in a rush and didn't realise when you were arriving. No soap is annoying but I wouldn't necessarily extrapolate from that that DSIL never washes her hands? Perhaps it ran out recently or has been moved elsewhere for some reason. No towel wouldn't offend me in the slightest, I'd just dry my hands on my trousers and move on with my day .

Just ask for some soap and a hand towel, put the wrappers in the bin. They are your husbands family, she grew up with your brother. A PP is right this is untidiness rather than filth. No need for drama.

Some people don’t use handwashing, they use a bar of soap (like me). If I run out I just use the bath soap which is on the bath, next to the sink, is it like this? ‘No handwash’ doesn’t necessarily mean ‘you filthy scum’!

And hand towel? Use your bath towel for now.

Massive difference between dirty and untidy.

We always take our toiletry bags when we go away so no need to ask for things for our personal care, also towels, We've always done it, wherever we stay, I like using my own things but if it was dirty I wouldn't be staying.

Where do the parents use the toilet if its the only one in the house?

Blows my mind that people can just not have any handsoap in the bathroom. What do you mean you'vee just had a poo and now wanting to hold my child 🤢 I've always had to make excuses not to accept food at my in laws as there is never any soap to be found. If I desperately need the loo I have to hunt down some shower gel to wash my hands with. If im lucky there will be fairy liquid downstairs but gross gross gross! I have soap and a towel at every sink in my house and it's baffling that it's not the normal standard...

Is there another bathroom in the house that the parents use? If so could you not use that one?

This seems like a lot of drama. Did you not feel that you could ask MIL for handwash and a hand towel OP? MIL is (recently?) widowed and may not be on top form as far as cleaning goes.

We get quite a lot of guests and sometimes we forget things, sometimes things run out - how would you manage if the toilet roll runs out and you couldn't see any more?! DH is prone to shoving all the towels in the wash and not restocking all of them, it doesn't mean we don't have clean towels...

Having said that my visitors usually know where to find things, spare toiletries, towels etc so just get things themselves or ask if they can get things, I guess that would just trigger too many AIBU my DIL went into my airing cupboard threads! 🤷‍♀️

It's not great, of course. But you have to pick your battles and this doesn't seem worth falling out over. Just take whatever supplies/towels etc you want to use when you go to stay.

Yeah it's a bit gross and it's not how I'd leave a bathroom for guests BUT I'd never say anything. It's not as if it's really inappropriate (e.g. sign of a breakdown, shit on the walls style), she's clearly just a lot messier than you. Our family bathroom always has clothes piled on the laundry basket because it's always over full, I'd be a bit pissed off if a guest ever mentioned it. If you don't like staying there, book a hotel, or go less often but I think it's rude to criticise someone's home whilst you're there. Unless its a wider issue of SiL taking the piss out of parents (e.g. living there for free and leaving all her stuff everywhere and expecting them to tidy up after her) in which case a quiet word with the PiL to check they're OK or suggest she might want to either clean or pay for a cleaner I can imagine would be alright without insinuating they're awful hosts. In my mum's house, I treat it as my own, so if there's no towel I grab one from the laundry room or if there's no soap I'll pop and buy one for her - I wouldn't whinge to her about it and expect her to then run around after me, especially if she's cooking my meals and putting me up!

Just clean the bathroom or if you are not prepared to do that, book into a hotel.

If she’s the only one who uses it, it’s really not your problem.

It’s not your bathroom, she lives there and hasn’t invited you as her guest, to use HER bathroom. Stay elsewhere if it’s not good enough for you … or use the other bathroom.

They aren’t her guests … maybe she’s doesn’t want them there using her bathroom.

If I was staying as a guest in someone's house then, yes, I would expect, at the very least, for there to be handwash/soap for me to use, and a clean hand towel. You shouldn't have to go digging around for them; I wouldn't feel comfortable doing this in someone else's house.

And finding sanitary towel wrappers and dirty washing on the bathroom floor would be really off putting! How old is SIL? Do PIL know that she has left the bathroom in this state? I think your DH needs to have a quiet word with them because they may not be aware and most likely would be mortified.

Edited due to typo

Personally, I'd always stay in an hotel rather than put family out.

Don't eat anything SIL has cooked. She clearly doesn't wash her hands after going the toilet, the dirty herbert. Ask PIL for soap and a hand towel? If they don't have a spare bar of soap, I'd just go and buy some as others have said.

I voted YABU purely because handwash costs £1, you shout - Hey Barbara, you got a clean towel there isn't one in here do you mind? - Tiffany you wanna pick these clothes up idk what to do with them?

Not everything has to be so weird, I literally can't see a reason that it's so awkward you can't ask your MIL for a towel or your SIL to come grab her stuff ?

YANBU in the fact that sure you shouldn't have to ask for these things, but YABU in the fact that you decided to post on here instead of asking anyway. But asked after you posted. Behave

Yep, it's shocking how slovenly a lot of people are. I know this from my own self-catering & property rental business. You'd tend to expect more from family though, but there you go.

It’s not the best but end of the day it’s their house and their choice, this is the cost of staying in someone’s house, you have to put up with their standards. It’s not an Airbnb you’ve paid for it’s someone’s home. Stay in a hotel next time if you don’t like it.

I cant understand why you or your husband couldn't just ask MIL for a hand towel and soap? Surely MIL has more than one towel?

Go in with a pair of marigolds and some bleach and clean it!

It's a clear indicator what their hygiene levels are in the kitchen where they prepare food. I personally couldn't bring myself to have them cook food for me on that basis.

Yeah that’s a bit much. Even people who are a bit grumpy should have a tidy up for guests. Is she not embarrassed??

I think if it were me I’d ask for soap and a clean towel and put the rubbish in the bin.

is the toilet and shower clean??

definitely hotel next time!

If anyone offered me "feedback" about their stay with me they wouldn't be getting another. It's not trip advisor.