AIBU to expect a cleaner family bathroom when staying with in-laws?

[Lavendar01]

Husband and I are visiting his parents for a week, and his sister lives there too.

There's a family bathroom that only my SIL uses, and it's got sanitary towel wrappers on the floor, a wet used towel, and clothes piled on the laundry basket or the floor. No handwash or hand towel either.

We both feel this is pretty basic etiquette and hygiene. Are we overreacting?

If you were me, what would you do (or not do)? She has a tendency to react defensively to feedback

Go and ask for a towel?

I would lovvvvvve to have your problems.

Yes it is pretty basic etiquette and hygiene. I would be embarrassed if one of my son's were doing this in our house and would have to have a word. But I'd also automatically check a bathroom before guests arrive.

but the basics, like hadwash or soap, hand towel? like surely she would need that for herself when using the bathroom?
well I agree about the soap, but she probably just dries her hands on her bath towel. We do.

It would concern me as it means sil doesnt wash her hands after using the toilet, then touches things like the kettle etc

Would actually make me feel abit sick

You may be right; it’s not really acceptable. But you need to just deal with it and not stay there again.

Ask for a clean towel and buy some handwash if there is not some on the pantry shelf.
If there is no bin for SIL to pop paper wrappers in, buy one to contribute to family communal space.

Given that SIL will not have cleaned the toilet, I would clean that, and also the shower, basin and bath. Then use and enjoy staying with family.

Wash your sheets and towels before you leave, to help parents out.

I'm with you - that is pretty grim for guests.

You don't have to stay there, no, but having been invited (I assume you didn't just rock up, unannounced) one would expect the hosts to make it comfortable at a basic level... A clean, tidy bathroom with soap and towels. I mean, that is just basic hygiene. If that's aspirational for some people, they probably need to clean the mirror and take a look at themselves.

I'd suggest you ask your husband's parents for some hand soap and towels. That will at least make them aware the bathroom is inadequately stocked. They might not have looked in and assumed your SIL had had the decency to sort it. If things don't improve from there, you husband could speak to your parents and just describe the bathroom as you found it. Either they will see no problem (in which case, if I was you, I wouldn't be staying there again) or they will understand without you saying anything more and either get onto their daughter to not be a dirty little scrub or sort it themselves. If they do see it as a problem, when your husband speaks to them, he should also offer to clean it. Shows your not just expecting the parents to pick up the slack and you're happy to much in.

I wouldn't clean it without first saying that's what you're doing, though. I'd be absolutely mortified if someone did that in my house.

It's not a race to the bottom.

My mil and fil house/ bathroom is gross like you describe. We just don’t go to theirs any more. They come to us or we meet somewhere.

Some people are so weird on this site. Of course it’s slightly unpleasant and it’s pretty poor hosting on her part.

Maybe the sil has some expensive handwash she didn't want you using so has taken it to her room?!

People do really fall over themselves to invent stories on here!

Agree. Though I am sure most people don’t behave like this in real life. They just automatically have to have a go at the OP. It’s ridiculous.

Do you have such low standards when you host? Or are you like this all the time?

Must be hard to be so confused! Most people would consider having some hand wash as basic hygiene

You’re not being unreadable, OP. You can tell the people with the scuzzy bathrooms! Who throws sanitary wrappers on the floor. I’d ask her for clean towels and some soap, otherwise you’ll have to get your own. She sounds slovenly and grim.

Well not really - I don't find it odd that a 30 year old would leave clothes and wrappers on the floor, but I do find it odd to think that she would never wash her hands, and I know from MN some people can't bear the thought of others using their soap, granted especially tradespeople, and also think using people's toiletries when visiting them is rude so I don't think it's a massive leap to think the sil may have done that, though she probably hasn't, which was why I put the '?!'.

Personally though, I do tend to take against OPs who just post something someone has done that has annoyed them without ever saying whether they raised it with the person and what the outcome was. It's all a bit, 'Please join me in slagging off this person...' which is a valid enough use of AIBU, I suppose...

Suggest ask politely for a couple of towels and some soap if there isn't any and close your eyes to the rest.

Send dh to buy (or look in household store cupboard for) handwash a bin and spray and put him to cleaning. It is his family he can pitch in.

I didn’t say it wasn’t! I said that wrappers and clothes on the floor don’t constitute a health hazard, and that there’s other explanations as to why there might not be soap beyond the sister being dirty and unhygienic. OP is perfectly within her rights to not want to stay there again if it doesn’t meet her hygiene standards, but people calling her relatives grim and vile online seems a bit much when it’s very possible that the sister just got ready in a rush and that the soap has just run out or been moved for some reason (both very plausible explanations in my home anyway!). It would be more understandable to be upset if there genuinely was no handwashing going on or if the bathroom was actually dirty.

I’d be booking into the nearest hotel and if that wasn’t affordable I’d go home to my nice clean bathroom.

I think you are making a drama over this. posting on Mumsnet about your SIL bathroom cleanliness. vibes are you don't like your DH family too much

"Hey SIL, where do you keep the hand towels?"
"Hey SIL, I grabbed some handwashing while I was out at the shops, it's a really nice one."

I'd give the bathroom a quick once over myself if it's manky. Yes, it's right to have the place in a good state for guests, including family, but I'd shelve any complaints for the duration of the visit.

They aren't here guests, sil is staying there too. Yes she's a dirtbird but OP should apply sort that bathroom out and leave her to it.

It's a bit rude of your mil to invite you but not ensure it's clean. We have 2 ensuites and then 16yo ds uses the main bathroom. When people come to stay I scrub it till it sparkles and stock it up with toiletries and he is even told to use our ensuite so he doesn't trash it. For now, I would go and find cleaning stuff and sort it myself. Use my own shower gel as soap and in future stay at a hotel.

Why should she? 🙄