AIBU to expect a cleaner family bathroom when staying with in-laws?

[Lavendar01]

Husband and I are visiting his parents for a week, and his sister lives there too.

There's a family bathroom that only my SIL uses, and it's got sanitary towel wrappers on the floor, a wet used towel, and clothes piled on the laundry basket or the floor. No handwash or hand towel either.

We both feel this is pretty basic etiquette and hygiene. Are we overreacting?

If you were me, what would you do (or not do)? She has a tendency to react defensively to feedback

OP says it’s the family bathroom when famiky come to stay.

If there is no other bathroom and MIL doesn’t use this bathroom , where does she wash and use the toilet ?

re the messiness , get hold of a soap and towel and stop being so dramatic . Are you much older than the SIl because you sound a bit childish sorry

MIL has an en-suite presumably.

It sounds like she just a pain in general of course your mil shouldn't have to clean up after her adult Dd, can your Dh not ask his sister to get a grip ?

The SIL is nasty.

No handwash? Gross.

I would have to check out. I am not accustomed to living like an animal.

I sympathise. My in-laws bathroom was beyond description. They never cleaned, everything was filthy, orange and dusty. They had carpet in there with was damp and stained. The hand towel was always wet and smelly. The last time we stayed there the toilet was broken and we were told to manually flush it by reaching in the tank at the back which was in the water. It had been broken for some time apparently but they had no plans to fix it. This was years ago and we haven’t stayed since. The rest of the house was equally disgusting. They had plenty of time to clean and plenty of money to get things fixed or pay for a cleaner.

What a load of unnecessary drama. Get a grip FFS.

Put the wrappers in the bin. Get some hand wash (there is probably spare in MIL's), put the towel in the laundry basket and get some towels from the hotpress.

Would I want to live like SIL? No but that's her business.

I would just tidy it and ask mil for hand towel and soap. I would not let sil make me a sandwich 🤢

The SiL is the one who needs to get a grip.

You don't leave a bathroom in this manner for your guests.

The more you post the more it seems you don't like your sil and just came here to have a bitch about her. Fair enough I suppose but the 'issues' you mention are easily solved - I assume you have worked out by now how to get a towel and some handwash? Maybe the sil has some expensive handwash she didn't want you using so has taken it to her room?!

Your dh is a proper hero for sorting out the mirror - how awful for you both and what a tramp your sil is. Is that what you wanted to hear?

I’d just say “have you got any soap and a hand towel for the bathroom?”
Job done.

A thirty year old child. My BIL is the same when we go on holiday and he’s nearly forty. No hand wash is not good, it’s basic hygiene that a lot of people lack. Ask or buy some? They must have some somewhere in the house

I meant to say though a corner of my bathroom mirror has broken off it hasn't occurred to me to whip it off the wall why did your husband take it down?

Oh, hello, SIL! Thanks for changing enough details to avoid outing me. I apologise for my daughter. I did ask her to make sure her bathroom was fit for visitors, but she often visits friends who have moved out of their parents' homes and are living in shared houses and studio flats and I get the impression that only having a few wrappers and a wet towel on the floor would be considered more than tidy enough and the toilet having been flushed recently would be a bonus. Even after all these years together your dear brother defaults to thinking of bathroom cleaning as being Wife Work, and I can't be going in there every time my daughter has a shower or changes her clothes.

In future, I promise I won't be offended if you feel the need to clean any part of my house that doesn't meet your standards. Sometimes it doesn't even meet mine, I'm so busy with work and stuff! There are plenty of cleaning cloths and a variety of sprays in the cupboard under the kitchen sink and I'll get you some spare toilet rolls, soap, shampoo and hand wash. I have to lock them away because one of my daughter's friends, though a delightful girl, is a little light-fingered, and who can blame the young folk these days with the cost of living and all that?

I've told your dear brother that maybe he could ask you to live out when you come to us in future because although I love to see you I find hosting you hard work and he's quick to issue invitations but doesn't help with the logistics. I think he's hoping I'll have the conversation, but Mumsnet told me that it's his responsibility.

How old is the SIL? I wouldn't like this at all, can't he just ask her to tidy it up a bit and ask his parents if they've got any soap?

I’d go and buy some soap and ask where the clean towels are kept! It’s not the best but not everyone’s standards are the same.

People are on here making excuses for the slovenly sister. I'd raise it and ask her to clean up her mess as she is not the only one using the bathroom. It doesn't matter of the visitors are family or outsiders a little respect doesn't hurt anyone.

This really made me laugh! 'Living like an animal'? For goodness sake, it is a bit untidy and there is no hand-wash. I always carry soap in my wash bag anyway, or would nip to the nearest shop. Life is too short to worry about minor inconveniences.

My parents never clean their bathroom when we visit. And it's always filthy (I'm talking to the level that I seriously have to consider whether it's worse to use the bathroom sink to wash my hands after going to the loo, than not wash them at all. I ended up doing a basic clean (a proper clean would take forever) and minimising the times I visit.

In their case, it's because as we are viewed as family they see no particular need to make any efforts with regards to cleaning the house as they would if it was an unrelated guest. Even though I've never lived in their house and haven't lived with them for over 30 years. Part of still putting you in the "child" bucket.

I like the way that OP frames her judgement & criticism as "feedback"

One of those threads where I seem in complete disagreement with the rest of MN. I think it's really disrespectful to be hosting people, even family, without cleaning and tidying the only bathroom the guests can access. Clean towels, handwash/soap available, and a clear floor seem like the absolute bare minimum, and while OP could provide these herself, the posters acting like she's unreasonable to be surprised at the necessity are sort of telling on themselves. IMO.

Is it genuinely a family bathroom or is it just her bathroom but not attached to her bedroom?

How many other bathrooms are available for use? Why don't your PIL use this bathroom?

Get the bleach out, give it a good clean and put the laundry basket, with all her stuff in it, outside her bedroom. Tell her you will put it back in the bathroom when you leave. She is a minger and doesn’t give 2 hoots how this reflects on her.
Your in laws are probably too scared to enter her space in case they get an ear full!

Stay in a hotel…….otherwise take your own towels, toiletries etc. Simply stride over all her crap…….you don’t live in the bathroom!

Of course a bathroom should be cleaned and tidied before you have guests and make sure the basics like handwash and towels are in there!

I honestly feel like I live on a different planet sometimes 😅

As to what I would do about it, say nothing and have a quick tidy up/clean around, get your Husband to ask for some cleaning wipes, towels and handwash. You shouldn't have to, but it's what I would do if you'd be on a hiding to nothing with the sister.