This is the problem with people having children because it’s expected or because of family pressure or without thinking it through and I’m not saying this is the case with OP and I’m commenting just from my own recent experience but I don’t think it’s a unique one.
I never wanted children and made it clear from the start before I even went on a date with a man. They all agreed they were happy with this but after months or even years down the line I realised they expected me to change my mind.
I was happily married - or so I thought, we had money in the bank, travelled, had good jobs and lots of free time.
My husband was from a culture where it’s expected to have children and faced constant pressure from his family so started trying to persuade me to have children.
I knew he wouldn’t enjoy being a parent and the changes in our lifestyle and I’d be expected to do everything but he was fixated on the idea so we split up.
My ex husband has two children now and hates being a father and begged me to take him back. I refused and said he made the choice to have his children and it wasn’t fair to just walk away but he still regularly gets in contact telling me how he regrets his decision.
I met someone else and we had 10 happy years before he decided that he was missing out and it wasn’t natural that we didn’t have kids when most of the men he knows do.
It absolutely destroyed me but we split up because he was convinced he was missing out and he quickly met someone younger and she was pregnant within months.
It’s the same story and he now regrets it and is miserable and said he hates going home to a chaotic house with an exhausted partner who rightly wants him to pull his weight.
Two of my friends have ended up as single parents because they wanted kids and their husbands blindly went along with it and then resented the attention the kids got and how their lives changed.
I know I’m likely projecting and I know lots of men have children because they want them and they are committed family men.
The problem is with the men who make a life changing decision without really thinking about if it’s what they really want.
It’s so much easier for men to just walk away or say they have changed their mind and it’s often not expected because they seem so keen to start with.
The really sad thing is a lot of men walk away then have children with another partner to make them happy and then are a shit dad to multiple children.
I don’t think there is anything you can do if a man is unhappy with how his life has turned out and the choices he’s made. Things might improve but it must be frustrating and heartbreaking if they lead you into thinking they want a family then seem desperate to escape it.
Hopefully in OP’s case it’s just a bad patch and things can we worked on a maybe it’s something talking and antidepressants will fix.
There is lots of recent discussions about women choosing to be childfree and going against expectations but I never hear similar about men feeling pressured into it. I think it’s important that men should give more thought into if they really want children or not and it might save a lot of heartbreak in the future and save a lot of women from being forced to raise children alone.
Even if their husbands or partners don’t leave, a lot still don’t pull their weight or check out of family life and duties so this could be avoided with more consideration.
It’s a shame you can’t do a trial week having children to see what it’s really like. I think anyone considering it should be given one of those dolls they used to use in schools that cry constantly unless you meet their needs and keep you up all night. My ex had never even held a baby so didn’t have a clue how hard it would be.
Unfortunately most people don’t but women have a lot stronger bond with their children and don’t have the choice to just walk away and it’s unfair they would be judged so much harder then a man if they did.