Holiday - to rebook or let them go?

[HealthConcerns24]

As a family we have had a “dream holiday” booked for around a year that took 3 years to save for. We are due to go in 3 weeks and it’s for a 3 week holiday. It’s me, my husband and our 2 children in early to late teens.

This past weekend I ended up in hospital with a pretty serious health event, think cardio, and I cannot travel for this holiday, still in hospital and not sure how long I’ll be here for.

Just today my husband said we needed to discus the holiday. I thought he was going to discuss moving it to another time in which I can come but no, he seems to think is acceptable that the 3 of them go and I stay home and recover, alone, and just don’t go at all.

AIBU to think we should just rebook the whole thing until I’m well enough to go or am I selfish to even consider asking them to stay home and rebook?

im off my head on pain meds and can’t even think about this logically right now.

@Esmeraldathe3rd sadly, no family as our parents are all we had. Friends, only work colleagues really or those that have young children who couldn’t leave them. I’ve already said to husband that if he decides they are going anyway then I will be telling the hospital he won’t be there and that he intended to tell them otherwise.

If you have this insurance your flights and everything will be covered.

There are some circumstances in which it would be reasonable for the others to go without you. This isn't one of them. I'm assuming you haven't been before and want to enjoy your children's enjoyment as much as enjoying it yourself?
You have also had a serious health incident and require care and support.
Only you know if your husband is the insensitive, unfeeling, selfish and generally awful person he is coming across as. If he is, you are undoubtedly better off without him. Easier said than done, I know, and now is probably not the time, but honestly, he should be utterly ashamed of himself.

If they go your 20-year old will look back at this as a wtf did we do, once he has got his own family.

He should tell his dad he is absolutely not going.

What a hideous situation. I think you should discuss and ultimately agree this as a family, including the 12 Yr old who may not enjoy the trip so much if mums not there (and is also at home unwell). Your older teen sounds sensible, put the costs etc in front of them all. This is not a unilateral decision for your self centred husband to make.

We were in a similar situation a couple of years ago, it didn't even cross my mind to go away without my husband and we lost more money than you.

I did go away with my DC for a couple of days each so my leave wasn't totally wasted and they got a short break each, with the other staying at home with DH so he wasn't alone. But that was once I knew he'd be ok and with his full support and agreement. He was actually trying to persuade me to go for longer but I couldn't have enjoyed it in those circumstances

If he's planning to fuck off and leave you when you're ill and can't travel and shouldn't even be left alone he's an actual arsehole. And I don't say this lightly but I'd be tempted to tell him that if he goes he needn't bother coming back. Because if the person who is meant to love you and care for you when the chips are down is showing you he's not on the same team then what's the actual point of him?

Wow!

I take it you made a financial contribution to this holiday that he wants to discard you from? Even if you didn't, he's showing a very uncaring side towards you. Hard to believe a husband would leave a wife to fend for herself following a major op.

He's being so unreasonable and utterly selfish.

I'm honestly shocked at how heartless and uncaring he's being towards his wife being ill. My colleague became unwell, the airline let her move the date, she just need to send a letter from the doctor. I think you should really have a serious think about remaining married to this man when you have recovered. I hope you get well soon.

Well as for this holiday I’d suggest talk to both of your kids, explain that you need to move it to next year instead due to this massive health event. They’ll understand, and they’ll back you up with your husband that’s what needs to happen.

But in terms of your marriage - I would view this as unforgivable. He wants to knowingly leave you without proper care after a major health issue.

So the holiday is one issue. I would strongly suggest that once you’re recovered you think about whether you really want the rest of your life to be like this.

I known you’re very ill and in hospital and this might not be possible, but I’d be tempted to rearrange the holiday asap without him.

And as others have said, if he can’t step up and support you when you need him to help or you might not be discharged from hospital, I would be reconsidering the marriage.

So basically he doesn’t give a shit whether you have sufficient care after surgery as long as he gets what he wants, and he’s got form for it ? Sorry OP, this would be a deal breaker for me. He’s a selfish twat and I’d be getting my ducks in a row.

My answer would have been different if there was no chance of rearranging or claiming on insurance without losing a huge proportion of the outlay. If that was the case I'd say to my family to go. I would be gutted to miss out but I"d rather than the whole thing wasn't wasted. I think my husband and kids would hate the idea of going without me too and I might have to do a bit of convincing!

BUT I've now seen your update. Effectively you'd lose £1400 but have the remainder of the 10k to rebook for next year and you can go too. So it seems obvious that is the answer.

Why does your H think this is only his decision? He sounds like a right nasty piece of work, treating you like an annoying malfunctioning "appliance".

Fairly unusual to be able to book flights 3 years in advance.

Whether they go or not you need to stay in the hospital. You think if you cancel his holiday he's going to sit in the house 24/7 taking care of you like a loving husband?

Call the travel agents, doesn't matter if you sound like shit, they'll be sympathetic, cancel the holiday or move it to next year.

Tell the hospital not to discharge you.

@Drostwell my husband books it all so can only go by what he says 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️ have to take his word for when he booked it

He sounds monstrous ...Disney...when your wife has cardiac problems? Unbelievably callous
What is this teaching your children about family? Horrified OP

Ah that's frustrating, so it's booked in his name? Then I'd tell him if he lets you down now then your marriage is effectively over , it would be for me.

Very sad for you. Get hospital to transfer you to cardiac care community unit on discharge to recover while DH on holiday. HEAL.

Then, silently prioritise your own needs and wants, ignore and smile if he objects. Discussions with an egotist are wearing and futile. Do not sacrifice any more, he would never consider your needs, however many decades you have served the great man. You are not a person, just a human appliance to him. Your MIL is of the same Me Me school, where DH learned this.

Your eldest is an adult. Care for the youngest, but don't postpone your own wishes. Worst case scenario: they may yet copy DH, treating you as family skivy. Only you will look out for yourself. If divorce feasible on recovery, do so.

Otherwise lead your own life, tell DH nothing. Be boring. Save money for yourself. Meet friends, go on city breaks. No explanations, just brief info. You'd like an expensive bag? Treat yourself, he probably never did and won't ever. The very best of good luck. Go for it!

We’ve been to DW Florida 10 times, but the earliest we’ve been able to book any flights has been 1 year before. And sometimes not even that.

Even if we fly straight there, to Miami, NY or anywhere else as a stopover.

If he goes that would be it for me. I would get friends to help start the ball rolling on my new single life while he was away. Do make it crystal clear that this is not your choice. If he railroads you then it is never ever getting better.

He’s being vile. I’m so sorry.

to have him behave like this whilst you’re ill is disgusting.

If you are a chronically ill person who is frequently in hospital/ otherwise needing to move holiday plans for illness there's an argument they should go to avoid resentment about your health affecting their holidays.

If they don't go is your husband worried about supervising the 12 year old / not being able to cancel booked leave or other practical things that could be fixed?

There's a sneaky argument that says encourage them to go whilst using the time they're away to gather what you need / want both in paperwork terms and maybe in furniture/ household items for separation. It sounds like you'd need to arrange for care staff to come and help you but chances are your brain will be 'back' before your body.

There's another argument that says you should go and stay in a hotel while they're away - so you don't have to cook and you can get step free access. Or go to somewhere like Rustington Convalescent Home for a couple of weeks - you can feel 'on holiday' too whilst continuing to recover.

This is your line in the sand op. There would be no coming back from this in your position. I would file for divorce. He will make an utterly shit partner to grow old with, and you would be better alone.

If he’s told you the flights are booked he’s lying. Flight schedules open max 350 days before departure date.

It was me who said Disney.

UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES should they go without you.

Move it to next year as you have insurance. You absolutely cannot get Disney first trip visit memories more than once. I literally refuse to watch anything at all with new rides or attractions on them when watching YouTube videos, my husband will whizz through them while I cover my eyes, because the first encounter of everything is magical.

If your children go without you then you won’t get to see the awe and wonder.

Can you completely cancel? If you can I can help you rearrange your booking for next year and potentially come in less that you’re paying (or a better trip) as I do it all DIY myself every year.

Also, when you rebook, do it for as late as you possibly can in August. The American kids have gone back to school by the end and the queues are soooo much lighter.

If you have travel insurance it should cover your entire travel including flights…but if not then speak to the airline as most will offer vouchers in this situation so you can rebook when the ones for next August become available in about 6-8weeks.

please feel free to PM me @HealthConcerns24 - I will help :)