Holiday - to rebook or let them go?

[HealthConcerns24]

As a family we have had a “dream holiday” booked for around a year that took 3 years to save for. We are due to go in 3 weeks and it’s for a 3 week holiday. It’s me, my husband and our 2 children in early to late teens.

This past weekend I ended up in hospital with a pretty serious health event, think cardio, and I cannot travel for this holiday, still in hospital and not sure how long I’ll be here for.

Just today my husband said we needed to discus the holiday. I thought he was going to discuss moving it to another time in which I can come but no, he seems to think is acceptable that the 3 of them go and I stay home and recover, alone, and just don’t go at all.

AIBU to think we should just rebook the whole thing until I’m well enough to go or am I selfish to even consider asking them to stay home and rebook?

im off my head on pain meds and can’t even think about this logically right now.

My husband, and I think most decent husbands, would refuse to go if I'd just had emergency heart surgery.

Of course you should rebook! There’s no question! Your husband isn’t being kind.

Your husband is a selfish arse (and that's putting it politely). You are currently in hospital, an operation is pending, and he thinks he can swan off on the expensive holiday without you and leave you alone to recover.

I see from your updates OP, that this isn't the first time your husband has behaved in this way. What kind of man leaves his partner in hospital to go on holiday, after she's had a miscarriage? To add insult to injury, his own Mum agreed that it would be best for HIM to go on the holiday! Why is it, that behind a twat of a man, there's usually a Mother, who's pandered to her son, and never held him accountable for his behaviour?

Your husband is a selfish man, who only thinks of himself and what he wants. He gives no thought to you (and likely your children), because ultimately he's doesn't care. He wants what he wants, and doesn't see you being unwell as a reason why he can't have it. His behaviour shows a total lack of respect or love for you, and complete disinterest.

The vast majority of men, would be on the phone trying to rebook the holiday. Their only concern would be their wife, and her welfare and making sure she recovered. That is what love looks like and what a kind, caring man should be doing.

If your husband does go on the holiday without you (and I expect he will), I would be using that time to think about what you want for the future. For me, there would be no turning back. He's shown you exactly who he is and where his priorities lay...so please believe him. I would be 'getting my ducks in a row' to quote a MN phrase, whilst he's enjoying his holiday.

I'd also like to echo what others have said OP. Don't lie to the hospital, because that is putting your health and safety at risk. There's a very good reason why you have been told you need support at home after you are discharged from hospital. Medical professionals don't tell patients this for absolutely no reason. The fact your husband wants you to lie is absolutely disgusting and he should be ashamed of himself for even thinking it. It shows you how much concern he has for you, zero.

You need to tell your oldest, who is 20, what the hospital have said regarding needing someone at home to be discharged and your husband wanting you to lie. Your son is an adult, he understands and is happy for the holiday to be postponed. Unfortunately, you don't know what your husband has told him, he could have easily lied to him as well, and told him that the hospital have agreed that you're able to manage on your own.

Again I shall echo what others have said, you can't book flights several years ahead. British Airways, only allow a year ahead from the current date. Flights aren't planned that far in advance. Your husband lied about the timing of when the flights were booked. I'd be wondering what else he's lied about. He's a highly manipulative man, who will do absolutely anything to get what he wants.

What about having a discussion with your kids included rather than it being between you and him? It sounds like the oldest is happy to postpone, the younger one might not see it immediately, but three weeks away from their Mum, when she's not well, might make him reconsider.

think that is unfair. What is the long term prospect for your health as that may decide how long before you can go?

I'm so sorry, OP. This is a whole life-changing series of events.

1. You are very seriously unwell and if you are having treatment/ surgery your husband needs to be at home to take care of you. No question. Shut any talk of them going quickly.
2. This was a family dream holiday so no man left behind. You all go together.
3. Your husband is a bad man who doesn't love you. You need to think very carefully abut whether you can carry on a marriage after this. I couldn't.
4. You still need to be looked after till you are well and you might still want your family to go on the rebooked holiday. Keep your thoughts about your marriage to yourself and, perhaps make quiet plans for a new life without him, when you are strong and ready.

What an absolute bastard he is! If he was a decent husband, he wouldn’t even be contemplating going without you, he would be worried sick and supporting you when you get home!
Together with clearing off on holiday just after your miscarriage and then lying about booking the flights then I’d be seriously considering divorcing him. What else has he lied about? Could you ever trust him again? He is not a decent man.
As a previous poster said, I sometimes read posts on MN and hope they’re made up because otherwise these shit bags walk amongst us.

Poor OP, you don't need a spinning head right now.
Please focus on your self care.

I’m so sorry you’ve been so ill, this stress is the last thing you need. To be honest if my husband went ahead with this I’d tell him not to bother coming back.

this make no sense, flights arent released three years in advance and no way are they £250pp. ive been in travel for years and to Orlando, even indrect they are not this price.

Either way, just claim on insurance and re book when you all go, you husband is a twat....if this is true

If the flights are Avios it’s really easy to cancel and get them back for a v small charge.

A# long as your insurance covers cancellation or moving, I’d do that. Wouldn’t dream of doing what OPs husband has suggested, if she’s had a fairly serious heart problem, you’d like to think she’d be husbands main priority

That was multiple times over the years. This is a one off and presumably with insurance the whole holiday can be moved.

Only if insurance says no would I say that dh and dc go and HealthConcerns24 stays home

I'd get online, sort out the insurance (activate the policy), and move the holiday to next summer. End of.

Your husband's a twat. You may be well rid of him, as this is a hill for you to die on.

I hope you're recovering, OP.

Just wow @HealthConcerns24 what a wake up call. I probably would be ok with them going without me tbh as Disney not my idea of a dream holiday especially in august (have done it) and it gets much harder to coordinate holidays the older your kids are if they're working etc but I'd expect to have to talk them into it because they'd all be worried about me more.
Tbh it doesn't sound as though your DH is going to be any good at looking after you if you defer the trip and will actively resent you which sounds really unpleasant re recovery.
No magic solution to offer but I hope you give your future some serious consideration. Is this a man you want to grow old with? I hope whatever happens you recover fully.

Read your updates and he's a cunt. I had a bf who left me to go on holiday after a miscarriage, twice.

Honestly, don't let him guilt you into this. I'd honestly leave him and go without him.

This. In spades. He's shown you who he truly is-twice. Take notice of that and don't forget it. When your old and vulnerable and he's the one meant to be taking care of you, then god help you.

Yes, OP did say that. Her DH claimed he bought the tickets 3 years ago. Then in a later post she said "I called him out on the flights as I didn’t think you could book them that far out. He's admitted he didn’t book that long ago. He's used all our air miles from our credit card from the last 3 years".

Just click on the bottom right corner of any of OP's posts to see all her posts.
OP posts: See all

Did you book with Virgin airmiles? When I booked the wrong dates with my airmiles I was able to move the flights to the correct date.

Your husband is being very selfish

YANBU. How outrageous of him

Mine are between 21-25 and there is no well in hell they would miss a trip. Been going since they were little and are extremely well traveled all over the world.

I agree with your posts @Boreded.

And now I want to go to Epcot. 😫

Make sure you don’t miss this trip OP.

Fair point - just trying to find a way the holiday could be used by the kids if the insurance won't cover. Husband should be home with OP, but if I were her I would revolt at the thought given his attitude.

I'm waiting for her husband to suggest he goes with the youngest and the eldest stays to look after his mum!

@PrettyPickle There is no way in hell I’d let the 20-year old take the 13-14 year old sibling to Florida of all places, for three weeks. No way.

And I traveled around the world at 19.