Holiday - to rebook or let them go?

[HealthConcerns24]

As a family we have had a “dream holiday” booked for around a year that took 3 years to save for. We are due to go in 3 weeks and it’s for a 3 week holiday. It’s me, my husband and our 2 children in early to late teens.

This past weekend I ended up in hospital with a pretty serious health event, think cardio, and I cannot travel for this holiday, still in hospital and not sure how long I’ll be here for.

Just today my husband said we needed to discus the holiday. I thought he was going to discuss moving it to another time in which I can come but no, he seems to think is acceptable that the 3 of them go and I stay home and recover, alone, and just don’t go at all.

AIBU to think we should just rebook the whole thing until I’m well enough to go or am I selfish to even consider asking them to stay home and rebook?

im off my head on pain meds and can’t even think about this logically right now.

You do need to talk about it.

Does he believe (correctly or otherwise) that you'd like to be left in peace?

What is the prospect of you being well enough to go later? How much later? Will DC still can't to go on a family holiday by then (late teens?)?

Can it be easily rebooked?

Who is around should you need help while he's away?

Do DC want to go anyway?

Just because he's floated the idea doesn't automatically mean he's selfish, he's thinking about what needs doing and asking to discuss.

Has he just shown you who he is?

Yeah villa is the only thing that could be complicated about that, but it depends on the individual owner or company used.

The airlines are usually ok, rebooking vouchers (possibly a small loss on it though), car hire can be cancelled up to a day or two before (always use Expedia for this as it is ridiculously simple), and hotels I’ve always found to be ok for making date changes without additional cost.

At this time of year Disney (if this is indeed where they are going) is HEAVING because of the American schools being off until mid/late-August, so hotels won’t lose out as someone will take a room etc.

This.

Does your insurance cover all of you cancelling if only one of you is unwell?

Presumably it would have to be delayed till next summer, given that it's a long trip. Will the teens still want to go then? A year is a long time for teenagers.

I can see how upsetting this is OP, but you need to consider all the options. The worst case scenario is no one going and the money being lost.

Edited because my post now shows…how bizarre

I would feel very sad about this. Being in hospital is lonely and scary. It’s a shame he didn’t even pretend that he didn’t want to go because you come first, or suggest you move the holiday and wait for you to say they should go without you. I don’t think I could enjoy myself if I went, I’d feel guilty and worried! But maybe him and the kids can compartmentalise better than me

That’s good to hear about cancelling flights with three weeks notice.

So many questions.

Do you have travel insurance, and will they cover costs?
If not, how much money would you lose by cancelling it or moving it?
Whose dream holiday is it?
Will you manage ok at home on your own, without DH helping to look after you?

You should move it. Even if you need to pay a bit extra.

I can’t remember who said Disney, but yes that’s where we’re going. It could be rescheduled for next year, or even the year after, if insurance allows which reading the policy it should do. And the policy states that we could all be moved if needed due to illness but I think there’s an excess of around £100 per person which isn’t too bad when you consider this is a 10k + holiday. The only things we would lose out on would be flights as they were booked separately and that’s about 1k of the cost.

We’ve been planning this for so long, we’ve been so excited and counting the months / weeks / days and now I feel so very guilty.

Husband still maintains I’m selfish for considering asking them to move it, that I should let them go and enjoy it and that I’m just jealous 🙄

Our eldest is almost 20 and says he understands totally if we need to move it, youngest is 12 so haven’t discussed it yet.

Ive been told I won’t be able to stay alone once home, as having an op in the coming days and won’t be able to lift anything heavier than a kettle and we live in a 3 storey house so logistics of caring for myself would be a nightmare. Husbands suggestion, just tell hospital they will be home and they go anyway and I ask a friend to pop in each day 🙄 We don’t have any family as we each lost our surviving parent earlier this year, another reason this was so looked forward to, partly paid for as inheritance and also just to have a break from the shit year we’ve had.

To be fair it’s not the first time he’s acted like this, when I had a miscarriage many years ago he still went away with his friends for a week 3 days after it happened as “there wasn’t anything he could do anyway”.

So I reckon they will go regardless of what I want.

The only way it's acceptable for them to go without you is if

1. you'd lose all the money and can't transfer the booking
2. you won't need care while they're gone and
3. you're on board with them going without you.

He’s a peach isn’t he?!

Just read your update. I'm sorry, OP, he's being an arsehole.

Why did you stay with him after the miscarriage incident op?

Im sorry to hear you are unwell.
As for the holiday,depends on many factors ,can you change the dates ie:postpone until you are well and not lose your money? If so,that would be my choice. If not and the money would be lost i would want my family to go if at all possible. It would though depend on how unwell you are and what support you had around you.
This happened to me twice . First time i broke my ankle badly and the holiday was non refundable so my husband went with kids and family helped me,it was sad but think it was the right thing to do.
Second time ,my husband was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer out of a clear blue sky and he needed to start treatment asap, holiday was moveable with insurance ,we wouldn't have gone even if it wasnt due to the shock and seriousness.

I think that your travel insurance should cover the flights. Mine would certainly.

It doesn't sound like you'll be well enough to be home alone, not that he cares.

@ChickenBananaBananai was young at the time, only 22 and didn’t think any better. His mum agreed at the time that it would do him good “to get away from it all” and the fact I was still in hospital at the time after a significant blood loss and infection meant “I didn’t need him home to care for me” 🙄

Just read your update, he’s totally U.

He is so totally unreasonable. What a selfish twat.
I'm so sorry you are having to put up with this. I hope your operation goes well and you can recover enough to ltb and get on with your life without him.

The holiday needs to be rebooked … as you are definitely not well enough to be at home .
once you are recovered and come to terms with how little he cares for you , you go on holiday without him.

You focus in on your recovery for the time being, you ensure he pulls his weight whilst you recover … he’s shown you who he is … you don’t need to know anymore.

your 20yr has clocked this as well … he is trying to let you know without rocking the boat that he us not comfortable with going .

JFC, what an absolute arsehole.

I can't even formulate a response, I'm so shocked at his utter disdain and heartlessness.

You poor thing. You deserve to be treated better than this you know.

I am 3 weeks post surgery and still struggling to get up and down stairs and can’t lift anything. Not allowed to drive. If they will be away for 3 weeks, how will you get food and supplies? Do you have other family/friends who will drop in and see you?

Occasionally I read posts on here and think, I really hope that this is made up/ a troll, no one should have to deal with this.

This is one of those posts.

Honestly, if all three are in agreement to leave you there at home/hospital, and to recover alone, I'd let them go. Get better and sort out a divorce asap. A tall order when you are ill, but find your anger and sort your life out.

I've a feeling the children might be on your side though. If they are not you have three husbands. All pricks. I am so angry for you.

I am currently a cardiac patient, just home from hospital in the last week, so I know what it's like. Very scary.