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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

DH trying to force oral

255 replies

whyohwhybrainrots · 27/07/2026 17:36

Ok before I write this I know there will be a lot of leave him comments but this isn’t why I’m writing it I just needed to rant! We have a lot of other things going on at the moment which would make leaving impossible currently. It’s something to think about down the line.

So me and DH were having some ‘us time’ the other night which is very rare (few times a year) due to DCs health needs and that taking up lots of our time. I was already not really in the mood due to him asking in a vulgar way (“do you want to Fxxx”) but just let that slide. He then gets on top and whilst he’s on his knees and I’m lying down he kind of shuffles up the bed and says “oh just a little suck first” I said no and tried to pull him back down to kiss etc, he then kept saying just go on only a little bit and kept laughing and trying to get his penis closer to my face. At this point I had said no twice, I then sat up, pushed him back and very forcefully said “I said no!” . He then acted like it hadn’t happened and we carried on.

not that it matters but I’m a survivor of child SA and so I can get triggered easily by things like this. I just think why do men feel like women would want to do this all the time, like it’s their right to make us? I’m sick of men thinking women are just objects to satisfy them. How would he feel if I’d done the same thing demanding oral when he said no?

like I said this isn’t about leaving as that isn’t currently possible, it’s just a rant about how men think that women can just be used!

OP posts:
hoopieghirl · 27/07/2026 17:44

You said NO that should have been the end of it. It is a gross betrayal of trust from your husband and he has no respect for your boundaries. I know you said you can’t leave but I think you may need to reconsider that if his vile behaviour continues .

GrumpyPanda · 27/07/2026 17:45

Eeeeeew.

iamnotalemon · 27/07/2026 17:49

I don’t think you should blame yourself by ‘being triggered easily’. He sounds awful.

Lentilcakes · 27/07/2026 17:51

Grim. Nothing as sexy as a dick in the face 🙄

lady725516 · 27/07/2026 17:52

He doesn’t respect you or your boundaries. He sees your body as a toy that he can use.
i would stop having sex with him and then leave when possible.

Bringemout · 27/07/2026 17:53

All of that was at minimum disrespectful, honestly I would have felt like I had been assaulted. Are you ok OP?

Pinkflamingo10 · 27/07/2026 18:08

This sexual coercion ! As a minimum I would move into my own bedroom and never have sex with him again -how could you trust him ?! Are you sure you can’t make a plan to leave ?

ShutupLwren · 27/07/2026 18:12

I’m sorry this happened to you and you’re also a SA survivor. You don’t deserve to ever feel like an object again.
Im so sorry x

whyohwhybrainrots · 27/07/2026 18:14

@Bringemouthonestly I don’t know how I feel. It’s completely different to the situation when I was a child as I didn’t feel a loss of control, I knew if he tried to push it anymore I would have been able to push him off etc and I honestly don’t think he would have gone any further. But I just feel disrespected, and a bit upset by it, I said no and that should have been enough. There was a second where it felt overpowering with him being on top and I didn’t like being put in that position. But then I feel silly talking to him about it because I know it was minor compared to other things he could have done.

OP posts:
Nousernameideaaga · 27/07/2026 18:15

He already took it too far.

You said no. You shouldn’t have had to say it again.

sorry op 😢

TheRealGoose · 27/07/2026 18:19

Is there anything more ick inducing than the whiny just a little suck.

i dated a guy who said that, i ended it the second time he said it. Its utterly ick inducing.

Bananacrepewithnuts · 27/07/2026 18:19

Can I ask if you have obliged the request in the past or has it always been a no?

whyohwhybrainrots · 27/07/2026 18:23

@Bananacrepewithnutsthere have been times in the past when I have but he knows that it’s not something I particularly enjoy. I wouldn’t have minded if he had asked once and then accepted the answer but it was the pushing it that bothered me.

OP posts:
JayJayj · 27/07/2026 18:23

You should definitely speak to him about it. Tell him how it makes you feel. That he might find it “funny” in the moment but that you do not.

His reaction to this will tell you all you need to know. It doesn’t matter that “it could have been worse” or that he eventually stopped. The first no should have been enough.

Nofeckingway · 27/07/2026 18:25

This is your husband. Can't you have a conversation about it ? Sounds like you need to communicate your triggering feelings with him . He may be horrified that you associate your previous experience with what he might consider just normal relations with his wife .

LejlaKapovic · 27/07/2026 18:28

“oh just a little suck first”
Where's the vomit emoji when you need it...

Snufkin88 · 27/07/2026 18:30

“I’m sick of men thinking women are just objects to satisfy them” is not a normal thing to say in relation to your actual husband sorry.

Megifer · 27/07/2026 18:31

Nofeckingway · 27/07/2026 18:25

This is your husband. Can't you have a conversation about it ? Sounds like you need to communicate your triggering feelings with him . He may be horrified that you associate your previous experience with what he might consider just normal relations with his wife .

Is it normal relations to say no and the partner carry on?

Megifer · 27/07/2026 18:36

Tbf op as it sounds like your relationship is pretty doomed anyway (due to him im sure by the sound of it) if I was in your shoes that would be the last time I had sex with him anyway. Then at least you can relax a bit in that respect.

Pistachiocake · 27/07/2026 18:37

No one should be doing things they don't want to. Regardless of your sex/relationship/anything else.

Gardenisablooming · 27/07/2026 18:39

I'd have bitten it...

MandemChickenShop · 27/07/2026 18:42

it's because of what he watches on his phone. the women in those films are always delighted to give it a good little suck, so he thinks you will be the same. Remind him that those films are fictional and he needs to be nice to you

SodThisHeadache · 27/07/2026 18:45

But he did sexually assault you. I am so sorry.Of course you felt triggered!

LumpyandBumps · 27/07/2026 18:46

Snufkin88 · 27/07/2026 18:30

“I’m sick of men thinking women are just objects to satisfy them” is not a normal thing to say in relation to your actual husband sorry.

It’s not normal for a husband to try to force a sexual act which his wife doesn’t want and has already refused.

SodThisHeadache · 27/07/2026 18:47

"He may be horrified that you associate your previous experience with what he might consider just normal relations with his wife"

Oh poor him. There is something wrong with him for thinking this is normal, and really, how insensitive can you be coming on here trying to normalise sexual assault and coercion and suggest that the OP shows him grace?

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