DH trying to force oral

[whyohwhybrainrots]

Ok before I write this I know there will be a lot of leave him comments but this isn’t why I’m writing it I just needed to rant! We have a lot of other things going on at the moment which would make leaving impossible currently. It’s something to think about down the line.

So me and DH were having some ‘us time’ the other night which is very rare (few times a year) due to DCs health needs and that taking up lots of our time. I was already not really in the mood due to him asking in a vulgar way (“do you want to Fxxx”) but just let that slide. He then gets on top and whilst he’s on his knees and I’m lying down he kind of shuffles up the bed and says “oh just a little suck first” I said no and tried to pull him back down to kiss etc, he then kept saying just go on only a little bit and kept laughing and trying to get his penis closer to my face. At this point I had said no twice, I then sat up, pushed him back and very forcefully said “I said no!” . He then acted like it hadn’t happened and we carried on.

not that it matters but I’m a survivor of child SA and so I can get triggered easily by things like this. I just think why do men feel like women would want to do this all the time, like it’s their right to make us? I’m sick of men thinking women are just objects to satisfy them. How would he feel if I’d done the same thing demanding oral when he said no?

like I said this isn’t about leaving as that isn’t currently possible, it’s just a rant about how men think that women can just be used!

@PrizedPickledPopcorn I think men forget the weight of experience between the sexes, that women have probably been sexually assaulted in some way, that men are physically more powerful. If he were straddled by a kiwi rugby player, saying go on have a little suck, he’d get a better idea of why it isn’t playful.

That's not an accurate comparison because being straddled by a kiwi rugby player would be a gay act being imposed on a straight man.

A more accurate comparison would be being straddled by a strong female body builder.

But these comparisons are irrelevant regardless, as I don't think it's necessarily a case of trying to get men to understand how women see things. I think men are biologically wired to see sex in a different way to women. So rather than trying to understand, I think it's just a case of listening and accepting of what women are saying. So if a woman explains why she doesn't like being straddled like that, then the key thing is to just listen and accept it. It doesn't need to be understood, the only important point is that she doesn't like it.

You don't need to justify your disgust and revulsion by saying you were a victim of SA. You just need to say 'I am not a pervert', or 'oral sex is usually for dogs'.

We should step back for a second from our current glamorisation of perversion in all shapes and forms - and ask questions - 'hang on, why did Demi Moore said in that film 'suck my dick' to her enemy'? What is it an insult to call somebody a 'cock sucker'? etc. etc. Maybe then people will realise that is perversion and what is not?

Normal relations in the real world do not use coercion to force what they want sexually.

I really think that a lot of men just truly don't understand the enormity of this sort of thing. They think it's not a big deal to them, just a quick small action to fulfil a desire, and they truly don't have the slightest fucking clue what it's like to be a woman, in our world, with a man getting his dick up in your face and whinging like it's a service you provide as opposed to an intimate act for mutual pleasure. If nothing else, you'd think they'd care about what a turnoff it is? Don't they want their partners to enjoy it and want more?

I can't understand it. They live on another planet.

I think it's absolutely crystal clear to everyone on this thread that the non-consensual factor is wrong and I stated that in my post as well.

It's the deliberate blurring of boundaries that some posters are doing which makes the husband sound like a perverted deviant for expecting it in first place. It's been dragged as an act only done in p0rn and the crude formulation painted as vomit-inducing. (Context always matters in the bedroom and there isn't such a thing as too crude talk depending on which roles each sexual partner chooses to consensually take on).

It's obvious that lots of women don't enjoy the act and are using this situation as a moral crutch to prove how righteously prude they are by painting all men as pigs who dare to ask for oral.

You may not want to leave, but genuinely I don’t know how you will let him near you after that, your history is irrelevant in this instance. It is disgusting, and degrading.

as if men should be villainised for expecting consensual SEX in first place.
there, fixed it for you.
They are not
Neither are women

CONSENSUAL

It's hardly a fetish It's not.
Penetration is not a fetish either. Still needs CONSENT from both parties.

There you go using the word “expecting” again when you’ve already been pulled up on it. There is an underlying entitlement in your comments.

You can clearly see the men on this thread justifying the impossible.

I would wonder what he had been watching.

Regardless of any history OP this is absolutely not acceptable.

Rubbish.

Turn it in with the prude nonsense 🙄 Its pretty obvious that pp was talking about the shoving it in op's face part.

Have you told him that it might work both ways? I voted YABU because you are putting up with his repetitive behaviour that you don’t like, you even say leaving him is something to think about down the line, why put it off?

And whatever happened to men actually trying to seduce a woman instead of just saying Fancy a fuck

You still don't get it. You're focusing on the completely wrong thing. It's completely irrelevant that some women don't like oral sex (and no woman likes a dick in her face while its owner whinges "just a little suck", ugh ugh ugh ugh). It's alarming that you read this story, and your focus and concern is about "painting all men as".

It is NOT RELEVANT. It's like reading a story about someone being racist to a black person and saying, "Well that's wrong but I'm just shocked that some people don't realise lots of white people like cricket." Who gives a toss??

Woman gets sexually coerced and your response is to make men the victims of women who aren't into oral. Just bloody stop it.

If any man shoved his dirty penis in my face he would be very very sorry. I would react very badly indeed, he was lucky you froze tbh - any reaction would be justified in this situation. Disgusting.

Quite, he has already been supremely disrespectful.

Do you think oral sex (male and female) is perverse?

She is fully entitled to her view

Why isn't it? You sound like one of those people who used to think that women couldn't actually be raped by their own husbands so marital rape wasn't a crime.

Her view is distorted. Dogs don't indulge in oral sex for a start...as for the rest....🙄

The word that causes problem here is EXPECTED

Nothing should be expected but agreed between partners.

Just note how tge exoectation is only one way. Oral for him. Orgasm for him. Keeping it spicy for him (eg dressing up) etc etc…

Have you ever come across expectations put onto me instead. Like they ensure their partner orgasm each time too (I think the stats are around 69% if that!). They learn what a clit is? Etc etc…

Absolutely I'm just interested in her answer having read her post.

'Just a little suck '.!!! jesus Christ ...how cringy and vile.

I’m really sorry this happened to you. It’s no wonder this resurfaces your previous abuse, for which I’m also so sorry this happened.

Some men can be absolutely disgusting in nature. The power they assert over women is horrible and as the first poster said, is a huge betrayal of your trust and boundaries.

This isn’t all men. Many are horrible but many are good. This is a him problem.

Is it an option for you to sit down and discuss how that made you feel? I’m going to take a stab that his emotional intelligence is very low but if you can’t leave him, I wonder if trying to make him understand may help prevent future instances.