DH trying to force oral

[whyohwhybrainrots]

Ok before I write this I know there will be a lot of leave him comments but this isn’t why I’m writing it I just needed to rant! We have a lot of other things going on at the moment which would make leaving impossible currently. It’s something to think about down the line.

So me and DH were having some ‘us time’ the other night which is very rare (few times a year) due to DCs health needs and that taking up lots of our time. I was already not really in the mood due to him asking in a vulgar way (“do you want to Fxxx”) but just let that slide. He then gets on top and whilst he’s on his knees and I’m lying down he kind of shuffles up the bed and says “oh just a little suck first” I said no and tried to pull him back down to kiss etc, he then kept saying just go on only a little bit and kept laughing and trying to get his penis closer to my face. At this point I had said no twice, I then sat up, pushed him back and very forcefully said “I said no!” . He then acted like it hadn’t happened and we carried on.

not that it matters but I’m a survivor of child SA and so I can get triggered easily by things like this. I just think why do men feel like women would want to do this all the time, like it’s their right to make us? I’m sick of men thinking women are just objects to satisfy them. How would he feel if I’d done the same thing demanding oral when he said no?

like I said this isn’t about leaving as that isn’t currently possible, it’s just a rant about how men think that women can just be used!

You can’t compare what he might have done. Fact is, he pushed even tho you said no. I totally get how tricky it is to discuss, and yes I know the cool mumsnet set are going to say ‘but you have sex with him, surely you can discuss it!’ but it is complicated to raise when you’re not in the moment, like when? Over breakfast? As you’re going shopping?

I think men forget the weight of experience between the sexes, that women have probably been sexually assaulted in some way, that men are physically more powerful. If he were straddled by a kiwi rugby player, saying go on have a little suck, he’d get a better idea of why it isn’t playful.

Why did you carry on, out of interest, given the crudity of the invitation and the attempt to force oral?

As women many/most of us have, at times, awareness that men can overpower us an 'do worse'. You should not feel that with your husband

Exactly . Just to be clear I am not condoning the husbands behaviour at all

Not all men think women are objects to satisfy them.
Decent men find mutual pleasure the most satisfying and would not push a woman to do anything she doesn’t want to do. This may vary depending on her mood the same as his preferences depend on his mood.
Mutual respect seems to be missing from his ideal.

I find it sad on here that so many women need assurance that they are right ,when they so obviously are.

No one should be forced or coerced into doing anything sexually they don't want to do.
It doesn't matter if they have done it a million times before...NO means NO.

Oral is a perfectly normal part of a healthy sex life. The vast majority, if not every single man, will probably wish to have that as part of their marriage. It's hardly a fetish or some other sort of deviant activity that tends to be glorified in p0rn.

Obviously this does not apply to OP due to a specific history of SA and her husband is a twat for trying to force it. But I'm quite shocked at the prudeness in this thread as if men should be villainised for expecting consensual oral in first place.

Good point, very well made!

@PrizedPickledPopcornI think I carried on because I sometimes feel obliged to engage in sex as we don’t have it very often and I know he would prefer to have it more.

Only if it’s reciprocated. 😉 I’m not doing his only.

But OP still has the absolute right to say no.

did he go down on you?

No one has villainised the man for wanting oral sex, it's the fact that he was told no and carried on trying to force his wife into doing something she didn't want to do.

Big difference.

@ShutupLwrenno he didn’t. And that’s part of what bugs me sometimes, he will always expect me to do things to him before sex but it is never reciprocated, he just expects me to be ready and willing straight away.

Well thats out of order then. What reason did he give that he didn’t want to go down on you?

It wasn’t mentioned to be honest as he never has been in to anything like that. He always says he needs oral to help him get fully hard but doesn’t think it might work both ways!

Eugh men are so gross

This ^

But I just feel disrespected, and a bit upset by it,

you were disrespected, you should be more than a little upset by it, it's unacceptable.

And please do not find excuse for him, and don't think for a second that it's "men thinking women are just objects to satisfy them". Normal men don't. Normal men respect their partner. He can't play some weird "man card" to justify anything.

It has nothing to do with him being a man, all to do with him being an arse.

Guy tries to thrust his dick in his wife's face after she's said no, and you're shocked that some women don't like oral and think they're prudes.

Perhaps a little lesson in priorities for you, sir?

Well if he doesn’t get fully hard from the thought of sex then obviously something is wrong with him

No one should be 'expecting' anything @User867536. I know men who don't like giving oral - are they still entitled to expect it anyway? Are their wives entitled to expect it even though they don't like it? Or is it just women who should 'suck' it up? This wasn't even consensual so your point is nonsense anyway.

Grim OP, this is just horrible. I just couldn't bring myself to have sex with someone who made me feel like an object.

I think 99% of women like receiving it

I have never known a man who doesn't like giving OR receiving... I didn't think they existed. 😝

Relevance?

Op he’s vile I honestly think men think they can coax us in to doing what they want I’m not sure if there brain is saying she wants to she’s just playing hard to get. I would also say next time you first if he says no not into it just reply back ditto. I will do it when you do it otherwise it’s off the menu.
I was once with a guy who took no for no and would have sex with me especially in the early hours and it wasn’t until a few years ago I realised what he was doing.