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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

DH trying to force oral

256 replies

whyohwhybrainrots · 27/07/2026 17:36

Ok before I write this I know there will be a lot of leave him comments but this isn’t why I’m writing it I just needed to rant! We have a lot of other things going on at the moment which would make leaving impossible currently. It’s something to think about down the line.

So me and DH were having some ‘us time’ the other night which is very rare (few times a year) due to DCs health needs and that taking up lots of our time. I was already not really in the mood due to him asking in a vulgar way (“do you want to Fxxx”) but just let that slide. He then gets on top and whilst he’s on his knees and I’m lying down he kind of shuffles up the bed and says “oh just a little suck first” I said no and tried to pull him back down to kiss etc, he then kept saying just go on only a little bit and kept laughing and trying to get his penis closer to my face. At this point I had said no twice, I then sat up, pushed him back and very forcefully said “I said no!” . He then acted like it hadn’t happened and we carried on.

not that it matters but I’m a survivor of child SA and so I can get triggered easily by things like this. I just think why do men feel like women would want to do this all the time, like it’s their right to make us? I’m sick of men thinking women are just objects to satisfy them. How would he feel if I’d done the same thing demanding oral when he said no?

like I said this isn’t about leaving as that isn’t currently possible, it’s just a rant about how men think that women can just be used!

OP posts:
hotmumshit · 31/07/2026 02:57

Let us know when you leave him. Vile man.

TheRoseSquid · 31/07/2026 03:01

pragmatismuniversalsentimentalist · 27/07/2026 19:56

Its not prudish not to like giving oral sex.

No need to pretend to be a cool girl, plenty of women just don't like it, and that's absolutely fine.

Why are you trying to suggest it's prudish to not like a particular sex act? Whats prudish about it?
Some women find it gross and vomit inducing, and its ok for them to hold that opinion.

Because they want men to pick them and probably thinks porn empowers women

TheRoseSquid · 31/07/2026 03:03

User867536
can you stop no one’s gonna pick you unless it’s the grim reaper

theneighbourstolemyteacup · 31/07/2026 08:54

TheRoseSquid · 31/07/2026 02:46

You don’t need a sex manual to explain why someone doesn’t like having someone’s knob in their gob

but it seems that some need a sex manual to comprehend that oral sex is natural and can be very very pleasurable between 2 consenting adults. It's ok for women, and men, to enjoy having sex with each other, oral sex included.

The key word being, again, CONSENT.

No consent = no sex.
Great sex= brilliant life, and full of medical and health benefits too. If sex wasn't so good for you, God wouldn't have made that way, would it.

If you quote my post, at least use it in its full context.

TheRoseSquid · 31/07/2026 19:31

Onceuponatime32 · 27/07/2026 21:50

The men on this thread stand out a mile.

dont get me started

SuePerblybuilt · 31/07/2026 19:50

whyohwhybrainrots · 27/07/2026 17:36

Ok before I write this I know there will be a lot of leave him comments but this isn’t why I’m writing it I just needed to rant! We have a lot of other things going on at the moment which would make leaving impossible currently. It’s something to think about down the line.

So me and DH were having some ‘us time’ the other night which is very rare (few times a year) due to DCs health needs and that taking up lots of our time. I was already not really in the mood due to him asking in a vulgar way (“do you want to Fxxx”) but just let that slide. He then gets on top and whilst he’s on his knees and I’m lying down he kind of shuffles up the bed and says “oh just a little suck first” I said no and tried to pull him back down to kiss etc, he then kept saying just go on only a little bit and kept laughing and trying to get his penis closer to my face. At this point I had said no twice, I then sat up, pushed him back and very forcefully said “I said no!” . He then acted like it hadn’t happened and we carried on.

not that it matters but I’m a survivor of child SA and so I can get triggered easily by things like this. I just think why do men feel like women would want to do this all the time, like it’s their right to make us? I’m sick of men thinking women are just objects to satisfy them. How would he feel if I’d done the same thing demanding oral when he said no?

like I said this isn’t about leaving as that isn’t currently possible, it’s just a rant about how men think that women can just be used!

Posts like this make me realise how lucky I am with my DH. Luckily we both love a bit of oral, but nothing sexual should ever be forced, and I know he would never.
Your chap is a wrong’un.

TheRoseSquid · 31/07/2026 19:57

whyohwhybrainrots · 27/07/2026 19:03

It wasn’t mentioned to be honest as he never has been in to anything like that. He always says he needs oral to help him get fully hard but doesn’t think it might work both ways!

No man’s needs a dick suck to get fully hard if that were true then how on earth would he wank? Not to sound gross but my mums had three kids and two partners and never had to do any of that to get them hard it’s a lie don’t fall for it.

TheRoseSquid · 31/07/2026 20:02

SparklyLeader · 28/07/2026 12:17

It reads as if you and your husband are not very compatible with regard to sex. That's not unusual but you may want to look around and see what you like, what interests you, and what you'd be comfortable with and maybe introduce that into your sex life. Make it you centered, so you are relaxed. I've never known a man who doesn't want a blow job. Is there a work around? Something else you can do for him? A little feather play or something? How well do you know his actual desires?

It is unusual I also want to point out he said he needs oral to get full hard, no man needs a dick suck to get hard not to mention they were having sex not one servicing the other

theneighbourstolemyteacup · 31/07/2026 20:08

TheRoseSquid · 31/07/2026 19:57

No man’s needs a dick suck to get fully hard if that were true then how on earth would he wank? Not to sound gross but my mums had three kids and two partners and never had to do any of that to get them hard it’s a lie don’t fall for it.

you have fascinating conversations with your mother.

MsIceSandwich · 31/07/2026 21:34

TheRoseSquid · 31/07/2026 19:57

No man’s needs a dick suck to get fully hard if that were true then how on earth would he wank? Not to sound gross but my mums had three kids and two partners and never had to do any of that to get them hard it’s a lie don’t fall for it.

How on earth do you know what your mum has or hasn't done sexually? That's the weirdest thing on this thread so far 😬

NovemberMorn · 01/08/2026 11:45

theneighbourstolemyteacup · 31/07/2026 20:08

you have fascinating conversations with your mother.

My thoughts too. 🤔

Banoffeepie29 · 01/08/2026 11:48

@whyohwhybrainrots How are you OP? We haven't heard much from you since this thread was completely derailed!

NovemberMorn · 01/08/2026 11:54

whyohwhybrainrots · 27/07/2026 19:03

It wasn’t mentioned to be honest as he never has been in to anything like that. He always says he needs oral to help him get fully hard but doesn’t think it might work both ways!

OP's last post was this one.

If her husband is serious, that he can't get an erection without her going down, unless he has existing medical problems that could cause his erectile dysfunction... he needs to see a Dr.

Banoffeepie29 · 01/08/2026 11:55

adverteasing · 27/07/2026 22:43

pushed me down on the kitchen floor and shoved his bits and bobs right in my face so I couldn't see anything or hardly breathe and wouldn't take no for an answer. He thought it was funny but it was extremely annoying and disrespectful at the time.

WTF have I just read?

I was just giving my experience with my husband that was similar to what OP experienced with her husband. I was just wanting to let her know that she's well within her rights to feel annoyed because I felt annoyed also. I wasn't trying to make it about me, just wanted her to know her feelings were valid.

TheRoseSquid · 01/08/2026 21:13

theneighbourstolemyteacup · 31/07/2026 20:08

you have fascinating conversations with your mother.

I’m 20 next month lmao. We are very close so we talk about those things.

TheRoseSquid · 01/08/2026 21:15

MsIceSandwich · 31/07/2026 21:34

How on earth do you know what your mum has or hasn't done sexually? That's the weirdest thing on this thread so far 😬

I’m 20 next month I don’t know everything she’s done but I asked her about it because I was exposed to porn at a young age and thought you needed to suck a man’s Willy to get him hard which obviously isn’t true sorry to sound gross

TheRoseSquid · 01/08/2026 21:16

NovemberMorn · 01/08/2026 11:45

My thoughts too. 🤔

We’re very close

TheRoseSquid · 01/08/2026 21:17

Btw if a man needs a dick suck to get hard he probably has problems with getting hard. Goodbye

TheRoseSquid · 01/08/2026 21:21

Jane379 · 28/07/2026 15:31

A strange post..

'What OP has experienced is pretty standard. All these LIBERAL MINDED WOMEN who believe consent is the be all and end all of sexual relationships live in cloud cuckoo land. Consent is simply not a stand alone workable solution in the real world! '

  • is it common among women you know for their husbands to treat them like this? I don't think is 'standard' and nor should women put up with it. Why should they?

'an inability to use their imagination or curiosity outside of their own narrow world view'- maybe they've recognised that this behaviour is abusive and the OP needs to remove herself as soon ad possible? Plenty of pps know that it can be extremely hard to leave but some things should not be tolerated.'

'Normal women negotiate and get by; often indulging their partners with oral sex that they’d far rather not be practising. ' - why should they do that, though?

It's weird you say women should go along with oral they dislike but then say you disagree with the normalisation of oral sex...

Last 30 years or so? - oral sex began to be more common post-1960s, it wasn't suddenly mainstreamed in 1996.

I agree it shouldn't be essential if people don't want to do it but clearly many do. And it's not brainwashing to point out, as pps do, that receptive oral sex helps a large number of women orgasm, and is the only way for some to do so.

Oral sex for a woman is obviously very different because our genitalia’s are built different. Men can orgasm from sex or wanking no man needs a “little suck” or a full on blowjob to ejaculate.
its not the same.

sproutguffer75 · 01/08/2026 21:45

I’m a man and no he should not do this, however instead of discussing this with us all he n this forum, I would suggest speaking to him directly. If he tries to make a joke of this then he clearly does not respect you. I have a very healthy sex life with my wife, we enjoy each other, however if she tries a bit in the mood then I don’t push myself on to her. I always try to respect her boundaries as she also does with me. A healthy relationship is all about communication and you and you DH need to have a good conversation about what you both want from your sex life. He will listen if you say that you find him trying to force his penis in your mouth repulsive. If he won’t listen then you need to think about if he is the right person for you.

Gresley · 01/08/2026 22:00

I haven't read the whole thread, but if the husband had forced his dick into the OP's mouth and she had not consented, that would be classed as oral rape and taken very seriously by the police.

MsIceSandwich · 01/08/2026 22:01

TheRoseSquid · 01/08/2026 21:15

I’m 20 next month I don’t know everything she’s done but I asked her about it because I was exposed to porn at a young age and thought you needed to suck a man’s Willy to get him hard which obviously isn’t true sorry to sound gross

Ah the wisdom of a 20 year old, sorry but you know nothing.

U53rName · 01/08/2026 22:42

MsIceSandwich · 01/08/2026 22:01

Ah the wisdom of a 20 year old, sorry but you know nothing.

19 actually. The frontal lobe doesn’t even fully develop until 25.

TheRoseSquid · 02/08/2026 02:20

MsIceSandwich · 01/08/2026 22:01

Ah the wisdom of a 20 year old, sorry but you know nothing.

Doesn’t matter how much I know. Wanting a suck to get hard knowing your partner said no is wrong but clearly you don’t know that.

TheRoseSquid · 02/08/2026 02:24

U53rName · 01/08/2026 22:42

19 actually. The frontal lobe doesn’t even fully develop until 25.

Research shows brain development doesn’t stop also that’s the frontal lobe you’re talking about and it actually develops earlier for women around 22-23 if you did research instead of pointing out my age you would know that.

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