DP wants to end relationship over old videos on my phone

[July26]

NC’d for understandable reasons.

DP went through my phone last night, and found very old videos I hadn’t deleted of me and my ex. Extremely stupid I know, both to have taken them in the first place (not something I was keen on, and my face isn’t visible), and to have not deleted them. But honestly, I forgot they were on there. I’ve got stuff on my phone going back nearly 10 years, it all carries over when I’ve upgraded my phone and I’ve never looked back at it/got round to deleting things.

He went mental, said we are over and he doesn’t want to listen to my ‘excuses’, he considers it a betrayal and questions whether I’ve still looked at them regularly when alone.

I am distraught, I love him and can’t imagine my life without him in it. We don’t live together but he was staying here this weekend and stormed out last night. He has ignored me today but I don’t seem to be blocked.

Do you think ending the relationship is over the top? Would you give it a day or two before contacting him again?

He’s massively overreacted and being really unfair. I’d given him some time to cool off but also be rethinking the relationship myself if I were you OP x

I imagine everyone here, saying he's over reacting / an idiot etc - would be fine with finding a video(s) seemingly kept hold of on their OH's phones of them "clapping their ex's cheeks" and absolutley wouldnt react similarly at all?

Liars! 😆

Get rid of this one. He's not a keeper.

Too weird to be searching back for 10 year old videos.

Don’t give him the chance to come back you’ve had a lucky escape from this idiot

There would never be a situation where I would be searching for 10 year old videos on a boyfriend's phone!

Even if it is it's before they were together. Unless he thought she was the bloody vestal virgin

I think i would be pretty upset to find this on my OH's phone. Give him some time. Once he's calmed down he might be willing to listen and accept that you haven't kept them on purpose.

He didn't stumble across 10-year old videos, he was having a good old snoop, and for that I'd bin him.

Mine did the same and even deleted my boss's number so that when he demand I call in sick (because he was bored and wanted me around that day), I couldn't and got a disciplinary.

Going through your phone is a sackable offence. Be glad you are rid!

He sounds a bully and shouldn’t be going through your phone. Let him stew. Don’t contact him. Let him do the running.

No, I am sure it is a vid of them cycling together, that is why she writes that her face is not visible.

@Neolara
The op has said they were X rated videos.

You don't just stumble on videos that are old enough to require so much scrolling the owner of the phone forgot they were there.

also what phone do you have, that's impressive amounts of storage!

Is the only communication him finding them and ending it? I mean he’s allowed to do that.
if you believe the ‘looking for a photo’ story that is.

Absolutely.

And some MN double standards on this thread. If the OP had found sex videos of her partner and his ex on his phone I don't think the reactions would be the same.

I don’t go through my OH’s phone. A previous OH once accidentally airdropped some x rated photos of himself intended for swinger or hookup sites to my phone though. It turned out he had a whole different online life. Blocked 🚫

The reaction is a red flag I think, obviously it would be upsetting for him to see them but it was inadvertent and presumably he knows you had sex before you met him. I'm not sure what his point is, you've guilty of absolutely nothing,

It sounds to me like he was looking for a reason to kick off and blame you for something. He’s gone through your phone because he wanted to find something. He obviously had to go really far back because he couldn’t find anything you’ve done wrong during your actual relationship. I’d be concerned why he needed this distraction right now. It’s almost always to distract from their own behaviour. What’s he done that he needs to distract you from finding out about?

That's what he gets snooping through your phone to the point he found very old videos. He didn't randomly come across them looking for a holiday picture.

I'd end the relationship anyway.

I’ve just looked on my own phone and it took me a few minutes to find and click on Videos, so I doubt the photo story.

My phone stores stuff on the cloud I've searched for pictures and they come up on phone even though they predated it

Sorry I’m with him. Can’t believe you just forgot this was in your phone.

If I found that on a new partner’s phone I would also end it.

No, you don’t just “stumble on” old videos. It takes some targeted sleuthing.

Stop normalising having pornography on the phone, and stop deflecting the issue by asking 'why was he looking through your phone'. I have no problem with my dc and my dh flicking through my phone and the pictures on hit, but that is because I don't keep porn on it. And, incidentally, why is this schizophrenic attitude - 'oh, this is perfectly normal to send porn pictures and videos of yourself to you partner' and in the same breath 'pornography is demeaning to women, exploitative and vile'?
P.S. If I discovered by chance, for example, that my dh keeps porn vids of him and his ex on the phone, that would be the end of the relationship.

I wouldn't snoop through DH's phone in the first place and even if I did, 10 years ago? I wouldn't care.

Having a different opinion doesn't make me a liar.