DP wants to end relationship over old videos on my phone

[July26]

NC’d for understandable reasons.

DP went through my phone last night, and found very old videos I hadn’t deleted of me and my ex. Extremely stupid I know, both to have taken them in the first place (not something I was keen on, and my face isn’t visible), and to have not deleted them. But honestly, I forgot they were on there. I’ve got stuff on my phone going back nearly 10 years, it all carries over when I’ve upgraded my phone and I’ve never looked back at it/got round to deleting things.

He went mental, said we are over and he doesn’t want to listen to my ‘excuses’, he considers it a betrayal and questions whether I’ve still looked at them regularly when alone.

I am distraught, I love him and can’t imagine my life without him in it. We don’t live together but he was staying here this weekend and stormed out last night. He has ignored me today but I don’t seem to be blocked.

Do you think ending the relationship is over the top? Would you give it a day or two before contacting him again?

Given he had a valid reason to be on your phone and it seems he found the video by accident, he is not unreasonable to feel hurt and upset, as our feelings aren't always rational, and it must have been a shock to stumble over that.

His behaviour towards you, however, is massively unreasonable. He should have the maturity to understand that you haven't actually done anything wrong, and it was from years ago.

A reasonable reaction would've been to be shocked, to ask you about it, and then having heard your explanation, ask you to delete it (I think that would be a fair request). Storming off in a rage is entirely over the top, and if he comes creeping back shamefacedly and you really wanted to give him another chance because you believe his reaction was out of character and the relationship is otherwise worth it, I'd make it very clear that the next time he behaved like that would be the last, because you'd end it on the spot.

Wait for his apology. Do not grovel to him, it’s an old forgotten video.
He reacted badly. I hope he sees that, if he continues to be annoyed dump him, it’ll be the start of his mood controlling your life.

Why was he scrolling deep into your phone reel???

Men can get ridiculously jealous and then act stupidly (and women too!) about previous relationships. Or he could just be looking for an excuse to break up and would rather blame you for it.

They are X-rated videos. She said she wasn't keen on them being taken and her face isn't visible.

He's jealous, immature, and controlling. The trash took itself out. Find yourself a calm, stable man who isn't knocked off his perch by things like this. An who doesn't threaten relationship armageddon over things you did before you met. Thank God you don't live with him or are married to him.

This is far too rational a post for MNs!

Was your recent holiday 10 years ago?

Sounds like he’s been snooping which is an issue in itself.

You know it wasn’t good to have kept the videos but if it really was as innocent as forgetting you had them(..!) then fine however it’s not a good thing for a partner to stumble across.

The way he communicates in a relationship also isn’t good - you need a chance to explain calmly so I hope he will allow you that however, I’ll say again, he was snooping and are you happy to have that from a partner? Surely the trust is a bit broken both sides?

No one forced him to watch the videos.

My gut says he's either done something he's guilty for and is projecting or the relationship is already over for him and be was looking for a way out without it being 'his fault'. The reaction seems OTT, why was he looking on your phone anyway?

He can end the relationship for any reason. I don't think I would have been able to get over saved sex videos with ex either. But he shouldn't act 'mental' about it.

Stop contacting him.
He is jealous and controlling.
His response is not acceptable.

Time to rethink your relationship.
Maybe rethink keeping those videos too.

It's not up to us..You have to fix it with him if you want the relationship to carry on..

100%

I think it is

Of course he was innocently scrolling through your phone 🙄

You have done nothing wrong at all. It doesn't matter how explicit the videos were, the past is the past.

He's upset and jealous. From experience though, I don't think he'll let this go. He'll use it against you and destroy you. Nobody deserves that.

I think he is massively overreacting - I definitely have similar on old flash drives etc if not my phone, would be amazed if my partner doesn’t have some of exes, who cares, it’s all in the past!

I think he was wrong to go through your phone, but tbh if I saw pictures on a partners phone which were x-rated, even though from years ago, I would be pretty pissed off as to why they were still on there, and would potentially come to the conclusion that you couldn’t bring yourself to delete them.

I’d delete the videos then delete them from deleted items, not for any moral reason but just to get them gone.

Then delete all chats with Mr Stormer-Offer, delete his calls and delete his number. He might call to apologise profusely but I would remove the temptation to call him.

Oh, and I’d change the pass code on my phone.

Ofcourse they were getting down to it. 😂

Well, she has nothing to hide as this was a historic video 🙄

He would have had to have of done a hell of a lot scrolling through to get to 10 years ago.

I don't think I could recover from seeing my husband in an X-rated video. I'd see it in my head every time we initiated sex.

I can understand where he is coming from, If it's a genuine mistake sorry OP but I don't think he will get over this image.

The thing is with phones they hold things you forget about. Yes, I’d also hate to see that but when snooping TEN years ago on your photos it’s really his own fault.

He had no right doing that and based on this behaviour and his reaction I’d think a bit before moving forward with your relationship. It sound like early stages of controlling behaviour. Rational, secure men do not do this.

I bet hes mad because hes realised your ex is bigger than him🤣

My phone occasionally creates and flags up little slide shows of past photos and videos, sometimes from several years ago. Facebook does it too. They are often grouped according to a location, event or person. I find it creepy and intrusive, and ignore it when it happens. I don't know how to stop it or configure it. OH and I have always opened each other's post, gone through our pockets and bags, and nowadays each other's phones, tablets and laptops. Heaven knows what's waiting to be discovered.