DP wants to end relationship over old videos on my phone

[July26]

NC’d for understandable reasons.

DP went through my phone last night, and found very old videos I hadn’t deleted of me and my ex. Extremely stupid I know, both to have taken them in the first place (not something I was keen on, and my face isn’t visible), and to have not deleted them. But honestly, I forgot they were on there. I’ve got stuff on my phone going back nearly 10 years, it all carries over when I’ve upgraded my phone and I’ve never looked back at it/got round to deleting things.

He went mental, said we are over and he doesn’t want to listen to my ‘excuses’, he considers it a betrayal and questions whether I’ve still looked at them regularly when alone.

I am distraught, I love him and can’t imagine my life without him in it. We don’t live together but he was staying here this weekend and stormed out last night. He has ignored me today but I don’t seem to be blocked.

Do you think ending the relationship is over the top? Would you give it a day or two before contacting him again?

This would op be ok if she found out her husband had pornos with old gf on his phone

This is Mumsnet your automatically in the wrong if you have a penis 😂

Why would finding videos from ten years ago ‘sting’ ? It’s not like it was last week is it ?

I think common sense has gone out of the window here a bit to be honest - if it was a more recent ex I could understand it a bit more, but I don’t think ten years ago and pre dating the existing relationship by eight years is relationship ending, and a woman finding similar stuff on a man’s phone isn’t really a fair comparison. If I found similar on DH’s phone from years before we even met I’d ask him to delete it but I wouldn’t go scrolling through it to find stuff to make me angry and then demand that he do things he no longer wanted to do, just because he’d done them with someone else. That’s batshit.

Why would it sting to find graphic sex videos of your partner with a previous partner? If you don’t understand that, I’m afraid I can’t help you there. I’ve been with my DH for 25 years, yet it would still make my heart sink if I found graphic sex videos of him having sex with an ex.

A way to solve that is not scroll back oh her phone years before he met her when she was in the bathroom. Fuck around and find out!

The ick factor would come from realising my partner wasn’t intelligent enough to understand why it would be a really bad idea to keep 10 year old sex videos casually stored on a smartphone. Give your head a wobble and delete them.

You forget about sex videos on your phone?!

I have tonnes of sex videos/pics on my phone. Couldn’t tell you how many, so there are definitely loads I’ve forgotten about!

Yep. I never scroll back to old items on my phone. I recall years ago only learning I still had a video a brief ex sent me of him wanking because I had decided to backup my phone to laptop and had been looking at a slideshow.

Or I may remember I had taken a video but completely forgotten it was still on my phone.

That's different. You know there are tonnes of sex videos on your phone. You may forget some of them, or what some of them show. You haven't forgotten that every single one exists.

And that’s the beauty of MN. Differing opinions.

actually, several revolting posters have made some really nasty comments to imply that OP is in the wrong by not wanting to do a sexual act because shes done it in the past.

again, people are misrepresenting the thread and only picking up on that, conveniently ignoring where hes pressuring her to do a sex act she doesnt want.
My daughters would call that 'pick me' behaviour when women defend these sort of men.

again, people are misrepresenting the thread and only picking up on that part, conveniently ignoring where hes pressuring her to do a sex act she doesnt want.
My daughters would call that 'pick me' behaviour when women defend these sort of men.