DP wants to end relationship over old videos on my phone

[July26]

NC’d for understandable reasons.

DP went through my phone last night, and found very old videos I hadn’t deleted of me and my ex. Extremely stupid I know, both to have taken them in the first place (not something I was keen on, and my face isn’t visible), and to have not deleted them. But honestly, I forgot they were on there. I’ve got stuff on my phone going back nearly 10 years, it all carries over when I’ve upgraded my phone and I’ve never looked back at it/got round to deleting things.

He went mental, said we are over and he doesn’t want to listen to my ‘excuses’, he considers it a betrayal and questions whether I’ve still looked at them regularly when alone.

I am distraught, I love him and can’t imagine my life without him in it. We don’t live together but he was staying here this weekend and stormed out last night. He has ignored me today but I don’t seem to be blocked.

Do you think ending the relationship is over the top? Would you give it a day or two before contacting him again?

He's behaving like a total prick. How long have you been with him? Has he done things like this before?

Why was he looking on your phone?

He doesn’t sound very nice. Why do you love him when he treats you so poorly?

It would be the end for me. I couldn't be with someone who reacted like that.

You've done nothing wrong. I'd see this as opportunity to free yourself from a jealous, immature and controlling man.

If he's going through you phone it should have been you ending the relationship.

Unless it's an x rated video of you and your ex getting down to it, your current DP is being completely ridiculous.

Honestly, I think he needs to get a grip. A similar thing happened to me when my DH transferred an old hard drive to back it up, and was having a look through my stuff. I didn't know they were there, had forgotten about them, definitely hadn't saved them on purpose! He brought it up that he'd seen them and believed me when I said that I didn't even know they were there, and that was the end of it. One easy conversation, and he even apologised for looking through my stuff 🤷‍♀️

My husband has never picked up my phone, nevermind go theough my photos

He wont even get something out of my handbag and we have been married nearly 30 years

I'd consider whether you actually do love a man who is behaving like this. What little respect and kindness or even trust he is showing you.
I reckon he's looking for a way to end the relationship without it being his fault. Seen it time and again. I'm so sorry if you really had never thought there were any problems.

Why did he go through your phone?
Honestly he's done you a favour, I understand you're hurt but don't contact him and I'm sure you'll see you've had a lucky escape in no time.

So you've been dumped...for being bad at phone admin? Are you sure your life wouldn't look better without him in it?

It sounds like it was X-rated, she said that her face isn't visible and that she wasn't keen on it. OP?

I presume this is exactly what it is!

“DP went through my phone last night “…

fuck girl. Did you not recognise the fucked up-ness as you wrote that?? Honestly, raise your standards and kick this complete cunt into touch.

So what if it is? She forgot about it, it's a non-issue

You should have ended it the minute he went through your phone. I’ve been married for over thirty years and DH and I do not go through each others’ phones.

You have done nothing wrong.
You’re allowed to have had sexual partners prior to him.
This man has shown you who he is. Block him.
Do not apologise. Do not justify yourself.
Do not unblock him. He’s done you a favour.

Unless it's an x rated video of you and your ex getting down to it, your current DP is being completely ridiculous
I thought it was when she said he face wasn't visible and rhat she was extremely stupid for doubt it in the first place.

To be honest, I wouldn't be over the moon if dh had a video of him and his ex doing a porno on his phone. I'd be unlikely to find it because I only use his phone to Shazam if my phones not around but that's not the point.

Why?

Even if it was, it's not up to him what she has on her phone and she'd forgotten it was there anyway.

Ive read plenty of posts on MN where people have gone through their dp’s phone. The general consensus seems to be that he should have no issues unless he has something to hide 🤷‍♀️

The wording suggests it is x rated, she said she didn't really want to do it and her face wasn't visible.

I assume that IS what is it, no?

You should be dumping him for going through your phone. The rest is irrelevant.

Some things you need to know-
If a partner is going through your phone, the relationship is over.
You are allowed to have a history
It’s wise not to make sex videos, as they tend to cause you trouble. Never let anyone coerce you into it.
You don’t need to let men check your phone, or film you having sex.

You were happy for your P to be on your phone so he should know you weren't hiding anything. His reaction is extreme, but tbh I wouldn't be happy coming across something similar.

Maybe give him a few days to calm down and have a chat. I'm guessing he wasn't a virgin when you got together, so knows everyone has a sexual past.
Eta I'm assuming you were aware he was looking at your phone and had given the ok. If not, dump him.