DP wants to end relationship over old videos on my phone

[July26]

NC’d for understandable reasons.

DP went through my phone last night, and found very old videos I hadn’t deleted of me and my ex. Extremely stupid I know, both to have taken them in the first place (not something I was keen on, and my face isn’t visible), and to have not deleted them. But honestly, I forgot they were on there. I’ve got stuff on my phone going back nearly 10 years, it all carries over when I’ve upgraded my phone and I’ve never looked back at it/got round to deleting things.

He went mental, said we are over and he doesn’t want to listen to my ‘excuses’, he considers it a betrayal and questions whether I’ve still looked at them regularly when alone.

I am distraught, I love him and can’t imagine my life without him in it. We don’t live together but he was staying here this weekend and stormed out last night. He has ignored me today but I don’t seem to be blocked.

Do you think ending the relationship is over the top? Would you give it a day or two before contacting him again?

I would breathe a sigh of relief! He has shown you exactly who he is and saved you the bother of having to end the relationship. Leave him blocked, do not contact him. If he has left anything g at yours, pack it up and drop it off at a friend's, asking them to return the stuff to him.

If you still have your x rated video on your phone, chances are your ex still has it on his.

He could do ANYTHING with it.

Don't let men film shit like this…

He shouldn't have gone through your phone. That said, if this was the other way round and you found a video of his ex the majority of responses would be LTB and that he is a perv who kept them there for his own pleasure. That's clearly not happened with you, but his mind going there is completely understandable. I'd end the relationship if I found videos of my partner with their ex on his phone.

All of this. This might be the first time he “went mental” but it won’t be the last. Don’t let it be with you, OP.

I think hes wrong for going through your phone. You had a previous relationship and forgotten remnants were on your phone. Youve doje nothinb wrong imo. However he is in the wrong and your still entitled to your privacy and hes invaded yours, phones are so personal now, a bit like a diary and hes wrong to have gone through yours.

Did he understand that these were from a previous relationship?

If someone is checking your phone take that as a pretty good indicator he’s an abuser. If you stay expect to be abused. He will likely call you a slag, justify controlling who you see, what you wear etc. Do yourself a favour and see this as a lucky escape then make sure you complete the freedom programme.

In the days before smartphones, my ex went through my photos and burned any with men in them. Exes, male friends, male relatives. None were x rated but that’s not relevant. They went up in flames.

I didn’t leave him and it got so much worse.

Please don’t try to get this man back.

He was going through your phone? Absolutely not. You’ve dodged a bullet. Please don’t take him back.

So keeping sex videos with an ex on your phone is OK now? Not disrespectful to the current partner at all?

All of this is what will happen.

He’ll get over it

Sorry if I’m being cynical but …

Are you sure your relationship was as strong as you think?
Maybe he was just waiting for an excuse to walk away?

Meanwhile, take time to edit your photos.

The phone thing is bad but if my partner had videos of him with an ex that would be worse

To avoid a drip feed; yes they are x rated videos and I know they wouldn’t have been nice for him to have found. We use each others phones on occasion if one of them is out of reach/charging, I am certainly not secretive. He was using it to watch something whilst I was showering and then went on to the camera roll, he says he was looking for a photo from a previous holiday and stumbled across the videos.

I don’t think keeping sex videos of exs is appropriate. I’d be horrified if my husband had that. But if they had genuinely forgotten and deleted it asap I’d get over it. Thank god smart phones weren’t around then!

What was he doing going through your phone? Dump him.

Why was he going through your phone? Is he controlling in other ways?
What does going mental mean? Was he calling you names?

I would never go through a partner's phone.

But. There are many women on the Relationships board who advocate regularly going.through men's phones and would absolutely go nuclear if a man had an explicit video of a female ex saved.

I would leave him to it.tbh

Please let the trash take itself out. I would block him so that he has no way to contact you again, and I don’t block people over small arguments or simply for breaking up, but I will tell you from experience that a jealous and controlling man only gets worse and soon you’re walking on eggshells afraid to say anything.

My ex went through my phone for absolutely no reason and also went mental when he found completely harmless Facebook exchanges between me, a friend and an ex from 10 years prior. You would have thought I’d done the most horrific thing and the reaction was extreme.

However, what was worse was that I was a complete idiot who was so upset by the fact that he thought I’d betrayed him that I begged for “forgiveness” and then stayed for a further 7 years until coming to my senses. It genuinely gives me the ick now so much to think about his behaviour and it’s so embarrassing how I allowed it.

Please walk away. You’re allowed to have a past and nobody ever has the right to go through your phone.

Would you like if your dp had similar videos of his ex on his phone OP?

No I wouldn’t but if he explained the circumstances I’d listen and react a lot more rationally than he has done

🤔

He sounds controlling and jealous and you’re probably better off.

Not nice for him to find but also not your fault.

Most people in relationships have had previous relationships/sex before. Does he expect you to have just hung around waiting to meet him?

My ex was like this and ended up being incredibly controlling

That’s exactly what it is.