AIBU for refusing to straighten my kids hair for my brothers wedding?

[dramaisalifestyle]

Next week is my brother's wedding. We are all super excited to welcome my sister-in-law to the family. Obviously this wedding has been planned for months now and up until yesterday I was under the assumption that my kids hairstyle during the wedding didn't really matter.

I have two DC (8 year old daughter, 4 year old son). They are half black, half white. I'm white, as is my extended family. My kids have really curly hair, my daughter has 4A hair and my son has 4B hair.

Yesterday my kids re-tried their outfits for the wedding, just to make sure the outfits still fit. My SIL asked for confirmation, so I sent her a text and I said that the kids outfits still fit. That's when she sent me a text in response asking me if I can straighten my daughters hair for the wedding, and if possible can I straighten my sons hair aswell. Now I've never straightened my kids hair in order to avoid heat damage, they are way too young to understand the damage that straightening their hair can cause. So I told my SIL that I'm not comfortable straightening their hair, but if she has any hairstyles in mind that would work for curly hair, just let me know.

She didn't respond for like 30 minutes. And then when she did respond she said that she thinks it's quite rude for me to try and dictate her wedding. And that she expects their hair to be straight on her wedding day. She said she won't tolerate their hair not being straight for the wedding.

I also got a text from my DM telling me to keep the peace and to just straighten their hair for this one occasion. However, I'm still reusing to straighten their hair, it's really unhealthy for their hair especially when they are too young to understand.

AIBU?

Are you serious?! WTAF. No WAY would I straighten my kids hair.
How the hell does that impact her wedding in any way? Fucking INSANE and frankly, racist. Jesus.

Get your brother to sort it out, she’s being really difficult.

It’s more rude of her to try and dictate your children’s appearance in my view! I’d be interested to know if she’s dictating other people hairstyles at the wedding or just your children’s.

No way would I agree to this. What message would that give your kids?

My children are not dolls for you to dress up as you see fit.

“She said she won't tolerate their hair not being straight for the wedding.”

Then we won’t be attending. Have a wonderful day.

She needs a (metaphorical) slap from your brother and told to get over herself!

YANBU.

She sounds a peach and her racism is showing. Does your mum not see how this attitude reflects on her grandchildren?

I did speak to my sister. Her daughter also has curly hair, but so far my sister hasn't received a text from SIL

First post nails it really. No you won't be straightening their hair, it's bad for them, and it's a very racist request. Hard no, no negotiation.

God I hope this is a wind up. Your sil sounds bat shit mental. Id tell her to fuck off. Not sure why she cares about their hair being curly or not. Unless of course what she really means is make your kids look more white? Delightful

What does you brother say?

On my Facebook I keep getting these supposed genuine AITA posts from Reddit and places where people post about friends and relatives who are being outrageously unreasonable for rage bait. This reads like one of those. There is always someone who tells the OP to just do the unreasonable thing to keep the peace. Assuming this isn't one of those, have you pointed out how racist she's being?

Can she articulate why she thinks them having straight hair is important? Because I can't think of a reason that is not blatant racism. She won't tolerate their natural hair, bloody hell!!

I am confused about whether your DC are a page and bridesmaid, otherwise why would the bride have any say or interest regarding their outfits.

I cannot fathom a bride dictating a child's or anybody else's hairstyles. It is wrong. I'd probably do it to keep the peace fkr the wedding as once won't hurt but I'd clearlyntell the DC it's the bride's wish and totally unnecessary.

After the wedding I'd probably put some distance between me and the bride, and not get at all involved unless I had to. Never, of course, saying a word about or against her.

I wish this wasn't happening. I hate drama 😭. My brother hasn't said anything, the guy rarely answers his phone in general

Don't really see the problem with this (odd to straighten the boy's hair tho)- it won't do any lasting damage

I would find her messages offensive and no way would I straighten their hair

What? Children's hair shouldn't be straightened, it does huge damage.

In the case of dual heritage children, it's also an important part of their identity.

Take them with their curls or don't go at all.

I’d ask her if curly hair is not allowed, and has she told all the guests curly hair won’t be tolerated?

meanwhile I’d be letting it known generally that if you have curly hair it is not tolerated at the wedding, has anyone else seen?

They are children with afro hair. You don't see any problem with an adult demanding two mixed race children have straight hair for wedding photos?

I mean this!

I wish this was rage bait, because that would mean I don't have to deal with this situation 😭

Unfortunately my SIL really said this

So she will tolerate curly hair but not from the children with darker skin? I think that tells you all you need to know.

I would ask her directly whether she will be asking all children to straighten their curly hair or just yours. I think she might reveal quite a lot with her answer.

I’m sorry that you and your kids are in this position.

Have you told her she's racist?

I though you meant straighten as in tidy, which of course yes, but straighten as in GHD or whatever, absolutely no!

Yes, clearly your brother's problem to tell her he doesn't want his niece and nephew's hair damaged and them not looking themselves.