AIBU for refusing to straighten my kids hair for my brothers wedding?

[dramaisalifestyle]

Next week is my brother's wedding. We are all super excited to welcome my sister-in-law to the family. Obviously this wedding has been planned for months now and up until yesterday I was under the assumption that my kids hairstyle during the wedding didn't really matter.

I have two DC (8 year old daughter, 4 year old son). They are half black, half white. I'm white, as is my extended family. My kids have really curly hair, my daughter has 4A hair and my son has 4B hair.

Yesterday my kids re-tried their outfits for the wedding, just to make sure the outfits still fit. My SIL asked for confirmation, so I sent her a text and I said that the kids outfits still fit. That's when she sent me a text in response asking me if I can straighten my daughters hair for the wedding, and if possible can I straighten my sons hair aswell. Now I've never straightened my kids hair in order to avoid heat damage, they are way too young to understand the damage that straightening their hair can cause. So I told my SIL that I'm not comfortable straightening their hair, but if she has any hairstyles in mind that would work for curly hair, just let me know.

She didn't respond for like 30 minutes. And then when she did respond she said that she thinks it's quite rude for me to try and dictate her wedding. And that she expects their hair to be straight on her wedding day. She said she won't tolerate their hair not being straight for the wedding.

I also got a text from my DM telling me to keep the peace and to just straighten their hair for this one occasion. However, I'm still reusing to straighten their hair, it's really unhealthy for their hair especially when they are too young to understand.

AIBU?

Maybe they meant DB or thought it was husband’s sister getting married

My husband has locs

There’s no way I would be going to that wedding, even if she relented on the hair straightening. I wouldn’t be exposing mixed heritage children to racism, I wouldn’t want racists within a mile of me or my family.

I think generally blocking and deleting people is massively overdone but I wouldn’t have anything to do with these people ever again.

I’d ask her if she’s always been such a massive racist!

Because its white washing children of black heritage. Its telling them their naturally curly hair isn't "smart" enough for photos and big events.

If you look at ghd history of white mimicery of black people, the hair is often a key feature. Google Robinson Jam Golly...look at the hair.

Now im white and usually don't have time for some of the racial stuff that people complain about but I have become increasingly aware that black people's hair is a hidden issue and things like this explain why a lot of black people are upset with how it's perceived.

Wow the bride is awful. Your DM wrong to support this.
Absolutely stunned that anyone could suggest such overt discrimination and prejuduce. Though as someone with curly hair my own father said "you don't look professional"...I'm aware the prejudice is deep rooted.

I get the feeling this was more for compromise to allow the sil to have more control. It is something I probably would have done.

The only reason here is racism. My wife’s nieces and nephews are mixed race, and her niece was a flower girl at our wedding. She looks fantastic in our wedding photos with her Afro hair, can’t even imagine what kind of cunt would’ve demanded it straightened.

This age old racist bollocks. I’m mixed race but owing to the famously unpredictable nature of genes I don’t look black - I look European or South American and I have been privy to many racist comments that people assumed I’d let pass or be okay with because they don’t know I’m black. Comments about ‘unprofessional’ hair are just a few.

This is a racist request but not dealing with it now will colour the whole future relationship.

I can see you will though so I hope the arsehole SIL sorts her shit out.

So your children can't have curly hair but your white niece can? I fear she is a bigot.
Anyway, what is future SIL going to do about it anyway? Refuse you entry to the church if turn up with curly hair?!

Why would it be okay straightening the DD’s curls as she is bridesmaid?

I do have hairstyle in mind. The point was that if my SIL had any specific hairstyles for curly hair, she could send me those hairstyles

I'm not certain it's the behaviour of a racist, rather than of a self-centred pig ignorant twerp fixated on her photos and social media rather than on her marriage which is about the joining of two families.

Either way, she's not someone I'd be likely to mix with through choice.

You "understand" if the 8 year old daughter "needs" to have her hair straightened if she's a bridesmaid?
Why would you impose these particular beauty standards on a young girl?
Her natural hair is curly. That is how she should wear it.

Bloody weddings - they have turned from being a happy celebration to welcome someone new into the family to a performance.

Tell this cow to go forth and multiply ......

Would you be okay if the bride asked them to wear make up too to tone down their skin colour

Actually forget my suggested response or others, this one is perfect

My daughter is a flower girl. And my SIL is born and raised here in England, as is her entire family

The irony of you calling the SIL a bit racist in an ignorant way. Point proven that so many racists are quite dim.

Why would anyone post a screenshot of a text? Are you a journo needing a photo for your next article?

She's 8. Do her hair how you normally do it, or ask her if she would prefer a certain style. Go with that.

@OrianaK it's not 'just hair' though, is it? Do you not understand the implications of this request?

I'd be asking her why their hair needs to be straight and then enjoy whatever bullshit she comes up with to try not to appear racist.
I'd also be speaking firmly with my Mum to ask her why she is supporting racism at the expense of her grandchildren, fuck keeping the peace.

Curly hair is fabulous, end of.

I'm assuming both your DD and DS hair is a reasonable length if she wants it straightened. She's out of order requesting this, especially as you've tried to compromise and have asked for hairstyle suggestions for their curls. I'm wondering what she means by "won't tolerate". Will the kids get sacked off from their duties if they turn up with curly hair? That would (quite rightly) be embarrassing for her if people ask why the children are dressed as attendants and weren't included in the wedding procession.