To find menopause totally destabilising?!

[Meetmeinlove]

I am 53 and in perimenopause- I am still ovulating some months but am on HRT and coping kind of ok with the physical symptoms- still having periods as regular as clockwork.

But emotionally I am finding this whole period of life to be completely WILD- like totally upending! It’s described sometimes as reverse puberty and I can kind of see why.

I have generally been sociable throughout my life, have lots of friends, am active and like doing stuff. But I am finding I am questioning everything and everyone - my place in the world, my relationships. I feel quite lonely a lot of the time and find friendships drifting, find that I don’t even really like some of the people in my life. I am finding it very difficult and challenging.
This very much includes my marriage too.

Its probably a cliche- I am probably a mid life cliche but I think everyone talks about the physical part of menopause & whether to take HRT or not- but this up- ending feels less talked about- I feel like I am becoming a different person and it’s so weird.

Finding it very destabilising. Socially I know I can find new hobbies, meet new people etc. That’s not the issue in some ways- it’s more how much of that I actually want to do, deciding where to put my energy and at the moment it feels more
like things are falling away.

I am aware I probably sound a bit nuts but it’s a reflection of my
menopausal state!!

Anyone else know what I mean? It’s a crazy time of life!!!

I always wonder at " not having hrt" but taking all sorts of wierd and wonderful un tested supplements though ( not fish oil and vit D btw) there has been a spate of cases with severe liver damage due to these so I would be cautious .

I relate to just about everything on this thread. I'm also 53, on HRT (patches and oral utrogestan), still having periods, which I am completely fed up with. Surely they should have ended by now! Bad sleep exacerbates everything. Hard to get to sleep, bad quality of sleep, then wake at the tiniest noise several times throughout the night. Then being good for nothing most days, whilst having to work and generally function.
I will possibly try upping the HRT dose but the doctor I see for my HRT wants me to have a scan first as I have spotting between periods and the periods are also sometimes delayed. Just waiting for an appointment. Has anybody else had spotting that has had to be investigated?

I'm allergic to progesterone, so HRT isn't an option for me, since I still have a uterus to protect. Supplements are therefore a good thing to consider, with all the normal precautions you'd give any pharmaceutical or supplement. I refuse to take any supplements with Black Cohosh.

Eeesch, sorry to hear that. What was their explanation? That they didn't care?We've been friends for over 30 years. It's tough, part of me thinks ok if she isn't interested let it go but another part of me sees she's not enjoying anything at all and hopefully it's a phase that she'll come through at some point. It's a real loss to me. Maybe she doesn't care though 😆

Absolutely agree on Black Cohosh, my friend is a liver specialist and thinks it should be banned!
Thats the thing though, many of these supplements are untested and unlicensed

Yes, me. If your investigations come back negative I recommend vaginal oestrogen, if you aren't already taking it. I think, in my case, I think it was vaginal atrophy and dryness leading to spotting as a result of irritation. When I went on estriol cream it stopped.

Thank you @zurigo

I’m 52 currently sitting crying in my car mostly as overwhelmed by decision where to go and what to do with my day . I’ve reared two children alone whilst having a senior professional career and now I’m just irritated and today so itchy and incredibly demotivated I just want to be left alone .

I could have written your OP. This is EXACTLY how I am feeling. I have so little bandwidth now for things and don’t suffer fools anymore and all I want to do is live somewhere quiet.

Make sure your hrt regime is working for you. I got a mirena to stop periods and patches and have added in progesterone to help with sleep
I also take sertraline as my moods were awful before menopuase do to pmdd and it really helps stabilise me

It seems like it could be quite effective for many, but I won't take the risk. Then again, the doctor tried to prescribe me something that is meant to help with symptoms I don't even have (non-hormonal medication) and it sounds like it can be quite risky in itself. I research anything - medication or supplement - very thoroughly. I don't take anything if I can help it.

I can relate to so much of this thread. I went through an early menopause (officially post-menopausal at 40) and it was though my entire self was upended.

I'm lucky that I've stayed in my job because I was utterly floored with what I can only describe as anxiety on steroids. I was physically shaking while logging on at my desk, it was horrendous.

My social circle has become smaller as my tolerance for other people's bullshit is at an all time low (not a bad thing).

I'm lucky that HRT really worked for me and the brain fog is 80% better (not fully) and I no longer have dry eyes or insanely itchy legs. In hot weather, I still get night sweats. During the heatwave, I sleep while spooning an ice pack wrapped in a towel (heaven! Like a reverse hot water bottle)

My tolerance for alcohol has gone down, if I eat at a restaurant and have alcohol and a coffee, I'll get a hot flush. It's annoying, but I can tolerate it.

It's really strange & such a change for me. I am not an over thinker & never have been until now x

Politely, I'm not sure why you're asking me. Only you know your dynamic with this person and if it's something you wish to continue.

Im 46 and half an hour ago.i was driving out of our local asda and a man comes up to car who worked there.Thought my boot was open..no I just didnt pay.This is where my peri brain is now .I

Oh I get you. And everyone else on this thread. I feel like such a horrible person? Im always so cross, I cant be fucked with any of my friends, my job bores me to tears and I want to do something different but Im too tired. Im an arsey bastard 99% of the time.

Also I do not want to have sex and my husband is lovely about it but how sad to be 46 and not even want to hug him?

I had HRT but didn't like it, I definitely need another doctors visit.

I am 54, have the mirena coil for the last 18 years, last one fitted last year. I don't have physical symptoms, my last blood test said I had no oestrogen left, so doc reckons my ovaries are shrivelled. so maybe it's over, I don't know, but never in my life had I suffered with anxiety, but I've had a few heart/bp related episodes, multiple tests including 72 hours holter monitoring, stress tests, etc, nothing, so I have had 2 different consultants say I am suffering with anxiety, my gp agrees, so I have to believe them, I guess I do. For the last 4 years, since covid I am nervous driving certain mountainous routes, and flying, never had issues previously, I force myself to do these, but it's not pleasant.
the gp thinks I have health related anxiety, due to having a special needs adult child and worrying about their future if something happens to me.
I'm starting with a psychiatrist, this week, not sure what to expect.
I don't take hrt, as I'm pre-diabetic, so trying to sort out my diet.
my hair is thinning, but that could be explained by life long trichotillomania, maybe psych, can help me with that.
I am a mostly happy person, but do find I'm not myself, I have no motivation for housework or trying to better my career, I'm hoping for brighter things to come. sorry this is so long.

Like reading my own thoughts back to me tbh. Yes to just being so damn cross all the time, feel like I must be walking around with a permanent scowl.

Periods from 14 to 58 here. My daughters are not happy as it seems to go in families. My mum had her last period late 50s too

Very strange. Am finding friends more flaky Im 53. My neighbour was saying some our age got very introverted. I think I dont take crap now zero tolerance! Maybe all menopause ha

I wanted to add my experience here, but like for everything else in my life right now, I can't be arsed... Basically, that's it, really, zero interest in making any effort outside of work. 🤷‍♀️

I’ve managed to go away on holiday and forget a rain coat for me and my youngest socks

we are of course in the one area that’s getting rain all week in the uk

I’m really feeling this at the moment. I’m 48 shd on HRT. I have young kids and elderly parents so I’m in the thick of it. My mood swings are bad. I hate my husband. Don’t want to be touched. Have become quite introverted- the thought of going out in the evening doesn’t excite me at all. I can’t wait to crawl into bed at 9pm. I feel like life is happening around me. We’re going on holiday in 2 days and I’m not even excited.

D Mannose is excellent for this. I wa getting a UTI monthly until I started taking this-not had one since.

I am angry at everyone and feel almost zero love for anyone. It’s genuinely a wonder to me why there aren’t more murders committed by menopausal women because I could tear someone apart with my bare hands. It’s awful I think we are by far the superior sex knowing that this happens to us and that men still kill themselves or others than women do, we are the least ‘act on emotion’ sex and they don’t even know it.