To find menopause totally destabilising?!

[Meetmeinlove]

I am 53 and in perimenopause- I am still ovulating some months but am on HRT and coping kind of ok with the physical symptoms- still having periods as regular as clockwork.

But emotionally I am finding this whole period of life to be completely WILD- like totally upending! It’s described sometimes as reverse puberty and I can kind of see why.

I have generally been sociable throughout my life, have lots of friends, am active and like doing stuff. But I am finding I am questioning everything and everyone - my place in the world, my relationships. I feel quite lonely a lot of the time and find friendships drifting, find that I don’t even really like some of the people in my life. I am finding it very difficult and challenging.
This very much includes my marriage too.

Its probably a cliche- I am probably a mid life cliche but I think everyone talks about the physical part of menopause & whether to take HRT or not- but this up- ending feels less talked about- I feel like I am becoming a different person and it’s so weird.

Finding it very destabilising. Socially I know I can find new hobbies, meet new people etc. That’s not the issue in some ways- it’s more how much of that I actually want to do, deciding where to put my energy and at the moment it feels more
like things are falling away.

I am aware I probably sound a bit nuts but it’s a reflection of my
menopausal state!!

Anyone else know what I mean? It’s a crazy time of life!!!

It’s ridiculous because I started Peri at 40, and was told it couldn’t be by Dr, until tests confirmed.
They struggle to entertain anything outside what the text books say which is crazy medicine practice.

I’m finding the physical bits are impacting me emotionally. I’m also 53 and still having periods - but I find that they are more painful, I have adenomyosis, my breasts get sore, pre menstrual migraines back (but getting those under control). My voice is also changing - it keeps breaking and I often sound like I’m about to cry when I’m not which is really weird and denting my confidence as I have to speak a lot at work. I’m hoping it all settles down but I’ve been hoping that for a while. If anyone has any suggestions on the voice thing I’m all ears!

Totally. I thought I’d ‘sailed’ through menopause — until I realised I hadn’t.

It’s as though my whole (previous) life was an island. One day, I found myself suddenly off the island, in a little boat which then floated away totally from everything I was and knew.

I take magnesium glycinate for sleep, vitamin B complex for energy, omega 3 for joints, and D3 with K2 for bones.
I also stopped alcohol as that was affecting my sleep, and ability to function next day.

I was 58 before my periods stopped. Now, 4 years on, the debilitating symptoms have gone. No hrt, due to heart issues.

But... I have learned to detach my mouth from my inner monologue! For friendships' sake.
"Sure, I'd love to"...
not "Oh ffs, I won't get home til 10pm... TEN pm... can't be arsed"

I sympathise on the friends situation… same here. Good friend I met through work years ago started a new hobby a few years back and I barely ever hear from her anymore. It’s me keeping it going with messages and stuff but even when I get a reply it’s a brief one.

She’s always saying how busy she is and barely has time to go out and see friends, but social media tells a different story. Ah well. Feels good to get it out at least!

Following

That's pretty similar to what I take. I also take Cranberry to make sure things stay healthy. Don't want to start developing UTIs.

Yes! I feel like my filter isn't as good as it used to be.

I smugly felt I had bypassed grief of them growing up dd1 went to uni and I didn’t shed a tear was just happy for her.

But this holiday though they are lovely company they are entirely self absorbed and acquisitive. We are running round after them like they are still the children and we are the parents. They have no care for expense etc. We need a reset in the relationship.

We coincidentally went to the same city we were in when they were 10 and 8. They were so sweet and caring then and we were such a tight family unit. Now we are not. I literally couldn’t stop crying like a total prat. Poor dh!

I can relate to so much of this. I was perimenopausal in my early 20s and now again since my late 30s. Its like undergoing a personality transplant. I'm usually very chilled and just go with the flow. Now I'm finding that I'm irrationally angry and absolutely everything gets under my skin. I feel constantly tired, nauseous, anxious and hate leaving the house. Its all so draining.

When I stopped wanting to leave the house, that’s when I knew I had to do something and started HRT.

Oh god yes. My filter has left the building which isn’t always ideal… 😱🫣😂

The NHS Scotland inform page lists ‘feelings of loss of self’ as a symptom of menopause. A few years ago it was worded as ‘loss of sense of self’. Reading that stopped me in my tracks as that was exactly how I was feeling at the time and to see it included with the list of physiological and psychological symptoms really helped. Years down the line I appreciate the new found confidence I have in myself about not worrying so much about what others think about me and I’m definitely less of a people pleaser. I’ve included a screenshot from the NHS Scotland website but I think it might not upload.

I’m 50 and can relate to a lot on this thread. I started HRT but then they found I had high blood pressure and had to stop and I’ve not enquired about it since.

I definitely find my motivation has dropped and I find it hard to care about things in the same way at work. I work with young children and my patience has definitely dipped compared to when I started the job - I have to make a conscious effort to be nurturing now rather than it being natural. I also have to take wraparound children to school and back. A few years ago I used to be genuinely concerned about getting them there on time. Now I feel my attitude is more ‘whatever’ -
I get them there because it’s my job but not because I care they are on time. Thankfully I’m doing more of the admin work now. I also ache and have joint pain, partly due to the work I’ve been doing. Little chairs aren’t good for adult knees!

Perimenopause coincided with my mum dying so it’s sometimes difficult to work out if my attitude is grief or hormonal. My own children are adults, the youngest is 17 so I am very nearly past the running about stage. Once my youngest passes her driving test hopefully I can stop being a regular taxi. I’m looking forward to being needed less directly. None of them have children of their own yet so I haven’t got to worry about grandchildren.

I’ve just got to decide what I want to do with the rest of my life!

I'm 48 & really relate to this & all the other threads. I'm also over thinking conversations & I mean very basic, go with the flow non contentious conversations & worrying about what I said or how I came across. I've never been like this, it really is madness.

Thanks for starting this thread, I hate that there are so many of us. My memory is full of holes. I forget whole days, think I’ve done things because I thought about doing them, think I’ve had conversations that only happened in my imagination. I get lost for words, try and tell a story and find I can’t remember the details. It’s giving me social anxiety because everytime I open my mouth I make a fool of myself.

I’m tired of not knowing which version of myself I’ll wake up to - some moods are unbearable and I don’t want to be here. It’s not related to anything, they blow in on the wind.

I put so much hope in hrt and it has helped but everytime I think we’ve got the dosage right, I just get worse again.

Yup, I feel you. Menopause has totally fucked up my life physically and mentally. Any real, actual help tends to be private and is expensive. It’s brutal.

I had horrible peri-worsened PMDD too. Crying constantly. Suicidal ideation over nothing. Once we got my HRT at the right levels it completely disappeared like magic. I hope that happens for you.

The irritability that comes out of nowhere is horrendous. I had a complete meltdown the other day in front of the entire family over the state of the Tupperware drawer.

Oh god yes- overthinking! It’s been one of the really big things that l struggle with! It’s hard isn’t it- makes me feel so awful 😞

It’s a crazy time - and for me it was wonderful , a relief - no way am I having the HRT if it takes me back to how I was

but yes it’s a huge change with your brain under a lot of changes and it will settle and you will be ready for the next stage of your life - which is much more about YOU

It’s fairly stable but progesterone is an issue. I do see a consultant - and take the utrogestan 12 days at the moment vaginally and I can just about cope but I do still sometimes get the suicidal ideation etc. It’s worse when I ovulate too- I have to carefully manage mood with running etc!

I hear and feel you....

Not sure what stage of it I am in, I am 50 and still have regular periods but shorter cycle. Emotional I felt shot.

Work is fucking hell which is such a shame as I have always enjoyed the routine of work NHS and local government. Would like to apply for something new but my god the thought of an interview cripples me.

Weekends I don't want to leave the house and I have a long term partner I only see at weekends and he doesn't want to stay home, we tend to stay home but I feel guilty.

Haven't been to the GP about it as not sure what I would say!

Gosh so many posts on here have resonated with me. I’m perimenopausal and I am now scared to drive further than the school run. I have let friendships run their course and I do not want to waste energy rekindling them. I know it takes two to be friends but I don’t understand why I have to keep reaching out and suggesting when to meet up. I recently changed phones and lost all their numbers. My number is the same so they can call/text me as normal. All the friends I spent time talking to and messaging have not reached out at my quietness! Perhaps they are fed up too?! Yes I could drive to their homes a few miles away but I don’t want to!

My mindset has completely changed, I feel like a completely different person. I have become a deeply spiritual persona which is the opposite to what I was. I get angry around 10pm and need to go to bed but feel too hot all night. I’m sick of the instant forgetfulness of what I’m supposed to be doing or getting every time I walk into a room. I’ll be glad when it’s all over with. Hope menopause ends soon for you all 💐