To find menopause totally destabilising?!

[Meetmeinlove]

I am 53 and in perimenopause- I am still ovulating some months but am on HRT and coping kind of ok with the physical symptoms- still having periods as regular as clockwork.

But emotionally I am finding this whole period of life to be completely WILD- like totally upending! It’s described sometimes as reverse puberty and I can kind of see why.

I have generally been sociable throughout my life, have lots of friends, am active and like doing stuff. But I am finding I am questioning everything and everyone - my place in the world, my relationships. I feel quite lonely a lot of the time and find friendships drifting, find that I don’t even really like some of the people in my life. I am finding it very difficult and challenging.
This very much includes my marriage too.

Its probably a cliche- I am probably a mid life cliche but I think everyone talks about the physical part of menopause & whether to take HRT or not- but this up- ending feels less talked about- I feel like I am becoming a different person and it’s so weird.

Finding it very destabilising. Socially I know I can find new hobbies, meet new people etc. That’s not the issue in some ways- it’s more how much of that I actually want to do, deciding where to put my energy and at the moment it feels more
like things are falling away.

I am aware I probably sound a bit nuts but it’s a reflection of my
menopausal state!!

Anyone else know what I mean? It’s a crazy time of life!!!

I didn't even know I was in peri menopause because no one was talking about it really, I just thought I was a bitch who couldn't cope and desperately unhappy. It was a GP appt about an unrelated issue that made me think and I realised my last period had been well over a year prior. Knowing that was probably why it had been so horrible was a huge relief. I went on HRT a couple of years later and hope to never have to stop.

What no one?! I hear it all the time on the telly, on podcasts, in stand up routines etc?!!

Even 6 years ago it wasn't spoken about much. I had never heard of perimenopause when mine started 10 years ago.

I've also become terrified of driving. Me who used to drive a sports car 🤷‍♀️
Plus I've lost most of my confidence and my waistline. This menopause stuff is a head fuck of fucks.

I remember googling if perimenopause was an actually recognised thing or pseudoscience.

iirc I even asked Davina in a q and a on some sort of social media and she said yes. This was just after her first programme. I remember she actually led with a definition of peri in her second programme.

id been suffering for a number of years

Honestly I don’t think that’s true. Kirsty Wark and Davina McCall both did prominent documentaries and spoke about it loads, I remember loose women speaking about it loads when I was on maternity leave 17 years ago , Sally Phillips mentioned it tonnes on loads of different things I saw her on, and loads of podcasts about it or where it is mentioned as part of a wider discussion. There’s a big local facebook group in Edinburgh which has a subgroup for menopause which I joined at least 10 years ago out of interest and I’m sure there must be similar elsewhere. I don’t even really seek these things out but listen when I came across it.

Well, I'd never heard of it 10 years ago. I thought I was going mad, a friend at work told me what it was and I googled it. The Davina documentary persuaded me to try HRT, that documentary was the thing that made it acceptable to discuss I think. I don't watch Loose Women so no idea on that.

Yes i feel like this. I read that midlife is a letting go of old identities and trying to find what really matters in life. I've always been introverted but much more so. My existing health issues are a lot worse. I feel different which is causing anxiety. I feel the loss of who I used to be but I don't yet know who I am now.

That was just an example. As I say, it has long been spoken about. If you didn’t engage with the places it was spoken about, fair enough, but that’s not the same as no one speaking about it. It was pretty easily found, as you realised when you watched the Davina documentary.

Im thrilled for you and your early awareness of all things perimenopause. I wasnt aware 10 years ago. It crept up on me slowly and silently. Recurring UTIs, the rage, the anxiety, waking early, horrendous acne, brain fog etc etc. My GP mustnt have been watching loose women also as peri was never mentioned and her answer was evening primrose oil and antibiotics when needed. It was years later I joined the dots and started looking for support for peri.
Im glad its so discussed now so others can join the dots early and advocate for themselves.

I’m supposed to be going out for the day to watch the cricket, supposed to be cycling there and back and having a picnic. I just don’t want to do it and don’t even know why I agreed to it months ago but for the first time in my life I have simply said I don’t feel like going so I’m not. I feel liberated.

Ahh I go one day feeling old and wanting to live as a recluse with lots of dogs, and then wanting to have another child at 42 when my own is 14 years old and we've had no other kids in-between!

Has having a baby slowed it down, helped or made peri worse? Anyone?

Davina et al talked about Menopause not Perimenopause
There was lots about 50s onwards but no one recognising Peri and how awful the rollercoaster is
I was late 40s when my periods went haywire and I found myself bluelighted to ED severely anaemic directly from my GP who later told me he thought I was going to die
They assumed in ED I must have some type of undiagnosed gynaecological cancer, no one thought perimenopause

I'm 46 and have pretty much been in perimenopause since 40 but on HRT for 2 (a whole other battle in itself when you're under 45). It's definitely taken the edge off but the last 6 months I've been feeling increasingly as everyone has described. I have a doctor's appointment to discuss my current dosage and I really hope you're right!

lol

That’s so true and how I feel. Lost my old identity but don’t know what the new one is yet!

I’m glad I’ve lost part of my people-pleasing, setting myself on fire to keep people who don’t deserve my time warm. It’s liberating. I’m too old to get involved in the dramas, oneupmanship, bitterness and jealousy. Crack on without me.

Yes. All of this! Sorry for all of you/us. Then I got breast cancer and have five years of oestrogen blockers (half way through). It’s like extreme menopause! No oestrogen. Awful.

Good question! I had my only DC at 40 and consider myself as having 10 good years before the dreaded peri hit me like a train. I used to feel fit and had energy to push a pram up hills. But now I feel so shit that I spend the whole time wishing I had had my DC sooner but life never works out how you want it to.

I had dc 2 at 41 and I think peri had hit before then. I was fine for a year and then the shit show started.

I was on hrt while still breast feeding actually.

had to come off all of it when diagnosed with breast cancer. And yes both the coming off and straight onto the tamoxifen was fucking shit.