To find menopause totally destabilising?!

[Meetmeinlove]

I am 53 and in perimenopause- I am still ovulating some months but am on HRT and coping kind of ok with the physical symptoms- still having periods as regular as clockwork.

But emotionally I am finding this whole period of life to be completely WILD- like totally upending! It’s described sometimes as reverse puberty and I can kind of see why.

I have generally been sociable throughout my life, have lots of friends, am active and like doing stuff. But I am finding I am questioning everything and everyone - my place in the world, my relationships. I feel quite lonely a lot of the time and find friendships drifting, find that I don’t even really like some of the people in my life. I am finding it very difficult and challenging.
This very much includes my marriage too.

Its probably a cliche- I am probably a mid life cliche but I think everyone talks about the physical part of menopause & whether to take HRT or not- but this up- ending feels less talked about- I feel like I am becoming a different person and it’s so weird.

Finding it very destabilising. Socially I know I can find new hobbies, meet new people etc. That’s not the issue in some ways- it’s more how much of that I actually want to do, deciding where to put my energy and at the moment it feels more
like things are falling away.

I am aware I probably sound a bit nuts but it’s a reflection of my
menopausal state!!

Anyone else know what I mean? It’s a crazy time of life!!!

Perimenopause is insane. Its like being picked up by a tornado and spun around. I only just feel like Im in recovery from it at 64 with my hair still standing on end.
God knows what it would have been like without HRT.

Sorry to hear you are having a difficult time of it. It doesn't have to be like that though, hopefully there are things that can help. Can you ask for a HRT review or a referral to a menopause specialist.

Refer yourself to talking therapies for emotional support and to learn coping strategies for mood.

What is your diet like? Are you eating UPFs? Having a UPF free diet can help enormously with energy levels and emotional regulation.

What is your weight like? Being overweight or obese will impact on energy levels, which also then impacts on mood and motivation.

What is your exercise routine? I feel rubbish if I don't exercise for a few days. The more exercise I do, the better I feel in myself and the more energy and motivation I have (well, to an extent obviously... I wouldn't be bouncing around if I was doing a half marathon every day)

There is also nothing wrong with making new friends and enjoying new hobbies. Do what gives you joy and pleasure

58? Good lord that's late. I do think (generally) that these things tend to run in families, although you can comfort your DDs that my DM had her menopause at 54 and I've had mine at 51. I started my periods at 12 though and she didn't start hers until 14 or 15, so I think we had the same overall number of years menstruating, which is why I asked that question.

Can i join in please. Thanks for starting this OP but ill likely kill it and ill be the last reply.

56 and still have regular periods. I can identify with so much of what you are all living. Its like a reverse of butterfly lifecycle where i was once a whole human beibg and now reduced to just the shell.
Periods started early 40s with 2 babies in tow. Didn't realise had PMDD my entire life and peri meant severe PMDD came and went continuously and sometimes didn't lift. Refused anti depressants as HRT board here said you shouldn't and HRT was the solution. Yes I know it was stupid but I wasn't thinking straight and the single minded pushing of HRT there is frightening. HRT made things worse as progesterone made PMDD worse. Sometimes now I look back and am amazed im still here as un-aliving myself was a frequent thought.
In the end I asked for fluoxetine as it helps PMDD and it helped enough for me to see HRT fixed one thing but created another and now am not on any of them.
Virtual hugs to anyone here with mental health issues exacerbated by menopause. Its like an out of control roller coaster.

You’re not the last @NeverEnoughNeverNever !
Im currently really angry because I can’t see if I’m being unreasonable or not. DH recently retired and announced that he’s not doing any jobs around the house any more as he’s got into fitness and he wants to do fun things before he dies. So that leaves me doing the cleaning then. I’ve done it for years as I was PT when the kids were young, but I don’t want to do it my more either, but it needs doing. So is it up to me to clean up fuer him for the rest of my life until I die? Right now I’m thinking that if you’re not prepared to do your share you either pay for a cleaner or you get out.
I’m feeling so petty that I even counted up how many times he emptied the dishwasher/did a load of washing/coked supper compared to me! And he didn’t do one bit of cleaning.

Topical Vaginal Oestrogen cream is excellent for preventiom of UTI’s and is now being prescribed across a much broader age range, ie younger non perimenopausal women, for its use in prevention of UTIs.

Based on the women in my family, I'm expecting to have periods until 56 or so. I started at 11.

So what you you just want to do fun things and stop cleaning? I'd stop cooking and doing his washing for him, for starters. Things that directly impact him. See what he thinks then. It's all about balance!

Post menopause. Dr prescribed antidepressants. (I wouldn’t want HRT). I spend a lot of time thinking, which I enjoy but things seems so much clearer to me so I’m dropping the rope with certain people because I’m not putting up with their shit any more. That’s a complete change for old people-pleasing me.

Yes, absolutely. I increased my dose to 100 patch and added testosterone and all my symptoms went.

My biggest regret is not taking HRT sooner. I lost a few years to rage and anxiety.

I haven't read the full thread yet (another menopausal symptom, I have zero concentration these days) but I am 100% with you on everything you've written.

I'm also 53 and still have a cycle (although no bleeding as I had a uterine ablation) and my emotions are all over the place, I can feel fine one moment then bawling my eyes out the next for no real reason. I'm on a very twisty emotional rollercoaster which I can't get off.

I don't want to talk to anyone including my poor DC and DH, let alone friends and when I do see people I have to put on this sociable, happy mask which is so draining and when I come home I have to take to my bed I'm that exhausted, in fact I take to my bed a lot these days, it feels my only salvation.

I can't take HRT at the moment as I have some gynae issues and am supposed to be having a hysterectomy in a few months but because my brain has rewired itself to neurotic, constant panicky madwoman mode I'm seriously considering cancelling as I'm terrified of everything these days and certain this op will cause me a breakdown!

I don't know who I am anymore, I don't like this new me and I am panicking that this is now me for ever more.

I feel your pain and really hope things get better for you soon.

Oh no! Hope you get hold of some

Can I ask you all how easy it was to see a dr to help with this? My whole menopause experience has been amplified by my surgery just being shit and offering no support. Honestly I could cry, the symptoms are ruining my life yet I get stuck in the computer triage system and then get sent a text message (to which I can’t reply) which says your appointment request is important so we’ll look at it and come back to you within 5/6 weeks to see if you still need it. Obviously my menopausal response to that is to want to head to the surgery and unleash holy hell so I don’t think they have quite grasped the menopause in my surgery 😭😭😭

Yeh sounds about right. My GP surgery let me suffer with vaginal atrophy for years because no one knew what was causing the constant UTIs and stinging and weeing every 10 minutes. I discovered Estriol cream and asked for that to be prescribed. Changed my life

Yes Im on vagifem it has helped. Sleep hit and miss. Was on hrt patches but weight gained he took me off them. They dont suit everyone

I feel exactly like this. Fucking bored with everything but also just want to lie on the sofa and stare into the void.

When I was younger I had young kids, worked full-time and ran charities in my spare time. Now I don't give a fuck about anything and I am totally unmotivated but that also makes me feel depressed.

This is so true. I can go from feeling very suicidal to literally fantasising about how quiet the house would be if I pushed my (really lovely) husband down the stairs in two minutes. We must have so much self-control not to do these things.

I know, I had kids young and I thought when I get to my 50s I'll still be young and free to do what I want, but now Im here I cant be arsed! How shit is that? I keep thinking well what's the point?

OMG I KNOW. I thought I'd BLOSSOM when my nest was empty. I was so looking forward to having time and energy to think, and read, and further my career.

Got made redundant at 50 and now I'm pissing my life away on my phone. Feel as though I'm just all lost potential draining away.

I totally agree , I'm 48 been on HRT off and on for the past two years.
I've had a lot of mental health struggles in the last year , I'm a totally different person , I hear voices sometimes it's so scary.
Apart from all the other symptoms I've now developed what I perceive to be a prolapse , I cannot control my wee either !! Finally seeing a paramedic this afternoon and hopefully I can get some help.
I had my one and only child into my forties so going through all this when you've got a young isb child is hell.

I hope you start to come out the other side x

Ask for some Estriol HRT cream for the wee issues x

I've been on that for three years but doesn't seem to be helping much , the new issue is I'm retaining so much which I think is die to a prolapse. Hopefully some answers later today

I don’t want to play menopause top trumps here but try going through cancer related menopause, Christ on a bike has it been hard! And no HRT for me as it would conflict with cancer treatment. Absolutely 0 estrogen being made in this body of mine. Starting age 35.

I got an autism diagnosis in Feb, cancer diagnosis in May and then induced menopause starting August, followed by total estrogen surpression ( aromatase inhibitors) the following January.

i have no idea who I am anymore. There was a few bits of autism characteristics that I vaguely recognised in myself when I went through my assessment but didnt think affected me so badly but with menopause I’ve just totally lost my ability to mask or have any resilience. I get overwhelmed easier and my sensitivity’s to noise, smells and irritating people is really heightened.

I really related to your opening post where you talked about changing as a person in times of likes and dislikes of people.

i feel like I have a conflicting thinking sphere where some days I feel the urge to make huge changes in my life and I think I should do because life is short (cancer) and if I don’t like it I should sack it off. And that menopause has massively lowered my tolerance of bullshit and I should prioritise myself. The next day I think why did I want to sack that off. I’m quite fond of stability/that person/ that hobby. Add in autism black and white thinking and I’m equally scared of standing still and acting rashly and doing something I’ll regret. Then you add in the physical effects of extreme menopause and I can’t believe people have the audacity to expect me to function day to day.

It’s not doing wonders for my job I can say that much 😂

Oh that’s a shame. It’s been a miracle for me. I think you can get the HRT in the form of a ring that you insert? Maybe that would be better for you x

Yes OP mine is the same, completely destabilising, it’s like seeing everything and everyone through a totally different (and unpleasant) lens. I am no longer me. I hate it 😪