To find menopause totally destabilising?!

[Meetmeinlove]

I am 53 and in perimenopause- I am still ovulating some months but am on HRT and coping kind of ok with the physical symptoms- still having periods as regular as clockwork.

But emotionally I am finding this whole period of life to be completely WILD- like totally upending! It’s described sometimes as reverse puberty and I can kind of see why.

I have generally been sociable throughout my life, have lots of friends, am active and like doing stuff. But I am finding I am questioning everything and everyone - my place in the world, my relationships. I feel quite lonely a lot of the time and find friendships drifting, find that I don’t even really like some of the people in my life. I am finding it very difficult and challenging.
This very much includes my marriage too.

Its probably a cliche- I am probably a mid life cliche but I think everyone talks about the physical part of menopause & whether to take HRT or not- but this up- ending feels less talked about- I feel like I am becoming a different person and it’s so weird.

Finding it very destabilising. Socially I know I can find new hobbies, meet new people etc. That’s not the issue in some ways- it’s more how much of that I actually want to do, deciding where to put my energy and at the moment it feels more
like things are falling away.

I am aware I probably sound a bit nuts but it’s a reflection of my
menopausal state!!

Anyone else know what I mean? It’s a crazy time of life!!!

Yes, I know what you mean. I don't even know exactly what I want. I mean, I kind of do, but I'm very unmotivated about it all.

Yanbu at all!! I'm 49 and am living the same at the moment. I'm on HRT, but I'm not me. I'm kind of me, but feel like a shell of me.

I'm going through absolute fucking HELL in work at the moment, fighting to move to an office closer to where I live because I have become absolutely terrified of driving. Work are being absolute bastards about it all. It's extremely stressful.

I slept with a fan blasting on me every single night.

I forget words for objects.

I'm irritable. Can cry at the drop of a hat.

HRT is helping, but it's horrendous.

Yes! Exactly that- it’s very confusing!

Sorry you are having a terrible time especially in work. It’s hard to keep motivation up for working at all at this point in life but way too young to retire.

And I really relate to the driving thing - that’s kind of come from nowhere too!

I’m 55, on HRT, and I don’t recognise myself. Like you say, I question everything, and I’ve been wanting to divorce my DH for several years. Can’t work out if it’s menopause or a real want.
Not being able to find the words is embarrassing. Why am I awake at 5am every morning but then struggle to get through the day. Don’t want to cook or clean any more. Want to go out to nice places but also want to stay at home.
You are not alone.

What I do want - to move to the country, with no close neighbours, in quiet and isolation. My family can come, obviously. :-)

I enjoy my hobby groups but it sometimes takes some motivation to get there. I just want to stay in. But I like it when I'm there.

I want friends but they take energy. I don't always feel I have this, but I make the effort anyway.

I can't be bothered with difficult people.

I also have regular periods and there's a while to go, most likely. According to the gynecologist anyway. I hope it's easier on the other side.

It makes me want to cry that it’s lots of us. I relate to everything you say especially not recognising yourself.

I also don’t want to cook and clean anymore. I want a meaningful life because I know how lucky I am to be healthy and so also have this sense of guilt that I am wasting it. But often don’t want to get out of bed!’

Glad it's not just me, but sorry we all have to go through this.

For those having the driving anxiety, I went through that. Took citalopram for a year. All cured.

I feel like I’m coming out of the other side of this stage - just to offer some hope! I recognise everything you’ve said. I’m 54 and peri started for me about 47/48 with sudden onset anxiety, which is never experienced in my life. HRT got that under control pretty quickly but the battles with energy levels, motivation, memory and brain fog continued for a few years!

I’m 49 and recognise this. I am deeply unmotivated. Delighted one moment, very dark the next. Want to be with people, want to move to the moon. And I don’t seem to have access to my coping mechanisms any more. I’m overwhelmed all the time. And I have always been a coper and a doer. I feel like a shell of myself.

All of this! I also want peace and can relate to the move to the country- my sister has just done this and is very happy!

That’s such a good description- delighted then dark!

Thats good to know- do you feel more at peace? I am so up and down all the time and it’s hard to know what’s real!

I know this isn't the point of the thread but I am 37 and facing having my ovaries removed as a cancer prevention method. All these sorts of symptoms you ladies describe are why I am so worried about it 🫤. Doctors completely underestimate menopause and act like HRT is the answer to everyone's prayers.

I'm sorry you're having to go through that. If I had my ovaries removed I'd expect it to be a bit rough for a while, but then settle down. I can't do HRT but there wouldn't be any barriers with a full hysterectomy, so I hope you have that option to help a bit.

I already feel this way and I am only 44 and still have very young children. I’m questioning every decision that got me here, even though the physical symptoms are relatively mild so far.

Yes, ‘at peace’ is the phrase.

And not just because life it easy - I’ve got some really irritating shit happening at work at the moment and I just feel disassociated from it. In the past it would have been all-consuming but now I’m involved and contributing as I need to on the hard decisions, but strangely impartial.

Sorry you are having a big op. I think women’s health in menopause is so dismissed. I think HRT has been vital for me- I know not everyone wants to be on it- has it been offered to you?

For me it’s provided a stable base against the physicial symptoms but it hasn’t been a panacea against the general madness of menopause which I guess is this thread. It’s been emotionally very challenging.

My friend went into early menopause at 39 and HRT has been critical in supporting her health.

Ha! Can totally relate.

Extremely anxious about state of world and also minor things

Want to be on my own

Readjusting relationships - on holiday and realised finally that our era as parents of lovely youngsters is over they are now young people and it’s so different. Then my crucial lap top broke so we had to do a 60 mile round trip on holiday to buy another one. I ended up crying in the shop over lap top fear of lost data and end of family holidays. The Apple staff were terrified. Poor dh! Plus I lost 2 stone and looked fantastic but 1 has crept back

Yes! I'm the same. I have zero energy, so much aching I can't get out of bed..I'm literally scared of getting up and facing another day! I feel like I'm kind of morphing into someone else not only mentally but physically and it's my mother! HRT did nothing so came off it and just trying to tough it out but I swear I have never felt anything this bad in my life. I just wish my mother had told me!

Hi, sorry to hear that. I've tried HRT and it didn't work for me, made me feel terrible so I can off after 2.5 years. I've found it very tough but lately things are better and I've found ways to manage it. What I'm saying is it's possible to cope without HRT. Good luck

You might need to up your HRT. The further we go in peri to meno, the less we produce of our own hormones & may need to add in more. It worked for me with the mental health symptoms.

Can I ask what age your cycles stopped?

I've had some tough times but feel in a better place now. A couple of my friends are MIA though and when I do see them are just miserable. I don't know if I should keep putting the effort in or just let it go as I know the friendship would wither if I stop as they barely make any effort. It's really sad.

The doc did offer me 100 patch recently as I am on 75 but am in the midst of some gynae investigations so will have a think after. I also have PMDD which has been worse in peri and that’s not helped the general unhinged feeling tbh.