To find menopause totally destabilising?!

[Meetmeinlove]

I am 53 and in perimenopause- I am still ovulating some months but am on HRT and coping kind of ok with the physical symptoms- still having periods as regular as clockwork.

But emotionally I am finding this whole period of life to be completely WILD- like totally upending! It’s described sometimes as reverse puberty and I can kind of see why.

I have generally been sociable throughout my life, have lots of friends, am active and like doing stuff. But I am finding I am questioning everything and everyone - my place in the world, my relationships. I feel quite lonely a lot of the time and find friendships drifting, find that I don’t even really like some of the people in my life. I am finding it very difficult and challenging.
This very much includes my marriage too.

Its probably a cliche- I am probably a mid life cliche but I think everyone talks about the physical part of menopause & whether to take HRT or not- but this up- ending feels less talked about- I feel like I am becoming a different person and it’s so weird.

Finding it very destabilising. Socially I know I can find new hobbies, meet new people etc. That’s not the issue in some ways- it’s more how much of that I actually want to do, deciding where to put my energy and at the moment it feels more
like things are falling away.

I am aware I probably sound a bit nuts but it’s a reflection of my
menopausal state!!

Anyone else know what I mean? It’s a crazy time of life!!!

Just chipping in to ask if you felt a sense of grief about the earlier years of parenting? I’m still in it (youngest is only just finished reception) and also in early perimenopause and I feel like I cannot wait for the stage you’re describing. I think I’m imagining getting “back to myself” or finding my new self when I’m through menopause and not so needed by everyone else. Maybe that’s a fiction too.

I will add to this as have a 14 and 18 year old and it’s a mix of both. I miss it but my teens are ace and I love seeing who they are becoming and I don’t have the energy for really full on young kids parenting anymore. It’s a mixed picture I think!

Probably 52. Difficult to tell as I’m on HRT but that when I noticed I wasn’t having mid-HRT-bleeds that weren’t the end of progesterone bleed. I’m on continuous now.

I went through a couple of years of really erratic cycles - didn’t bleed for six months, nine months, then two in a month, then a few more months… I remember thinking it was like my body found some eggs at the back of the fridge and was having another go 🤣🤣

“I remember thinking it was like my body found some eggs at the back of the fridge and was having another go 🤣🤣”

🤣🤣 That’s so funny. I actually can’t believe that I am still pushing out eggs at 53 tbh 😱

‘’Doctors completely underestimate menopause and act like HRT is the answer to everyone's prayers‘’

I haven’t found HRT to be a cure all, I wish it was. I’m on some targeted supplements and force myself to be active too.

I totally relate to the mourning around the DCs youth. I have DS16 and DD14 and I feel it’s one of their last summers at home and I keep crying (they’re both currently away and I miss them SO much) and I doubt myself and every decision and work feels overwhelming (not helped by having a new boss who doesn’t have children and refused to make decisions in time to allow me to get chunks of work done before the summer holidays - I have a contract whereupon I can theoretically manage my own time and workflow but it depends on sign off from him regarding various ideas and I now feel trapped and desperate at what has to be managed while being away visiting PIL etc.) And oh yes. I don’t really like people anymore. Except the DC. And I don’t sleep. I’ve tried HRT a couple of times but both times it made everything worse and now I’m frightened of it.

HRT definitely not a panacea!

Its given me some stability and I don’t think I could do my job without it but it doesn’t remove the emotional ride that menopause seems to be!

What you are describing is the Perimenopause roller coaster
When it all finally stopped at 57 it was a huge relief

What happens is the hormones which buffer you from the world cease and you see things with clarity ie the rose tinted glasses fade
This is why so many women instigate divorce in their 50s
Quite frankly people can fuck right off with their bullshit !
Loving life now!

I'm 54 and for me also supporting elderly parents has been something that has impacted mood in menopause, I think its increased worries of aging.

I’m also 53 and still having regular periods. I can relate to so much that has been said. The insomnia is about to kill me and these relentless heatwaves have driven me to the very edge this summer.
I’ve just had a HRT review and the doctor has suggested I switch to a POP pill Slynd for the progesterone part of the HRT to see if this will stop my periods.

I took the first one last night at the start of my cycle (started my period yesterday). I can only hope, I’ve so had enough of the use and downs of my cycle.

I feel like this 100% It’s like the former me is leaving the building, the last six months since turning 50 have been insane… I’ve had a relapse of an eating disorder from my youth, my marriage is in tatters. I’ve always been a glass half full person, and naturally sunny. But I have to work to switch it on now. It’s such an uncomfortable feeling for me. I feel weighed down both mentally & physically. I want to burn down everything in my house! I hate all of it. Even my job, it’s great but meh… I’m over it. My child is young & luckily keeps me going.

I was always a a fun, flirty lighthearted sort of person. I could light up the room at a party (not a stealth boast, I’m not super attractive or anything, just good for a laugh!). But I was at a party last night & while I got talking to a few people, I was so awkward, self conscious & just a bit of a mess. I don’t drink anymore, it just makes me get sick. I feel like I’m being forced to change (might be a good thing in the end) but this transformation period is brutal. Do I miss being young? It’s like another country now. I’m ready for something… But, what?!

Its Perimenopause
Menopause is when everything ceases and actually it stabilises for most women
It might help to think of this as temporary and you will come out the other side

Yes, I work freelance & find myself cramming last minute like a student to get things done around life. I used to be better organised, but it’s like I can only work when under pressure. Which isn’t ideal at all, obviously…

I've never had HRT. I thought that every female, forever, has been going through this. The difference now is that some people are very vocal about it. It is horrible to suffer with menopause symptoms but it's part of the female ageing process. I'm 61 now and eventhough the hot flushes are less often all the other symptoms, anxiety, sadness, worry, forgetfulness, insomnia, wanting to be alone etc... are still full on & i assume it will be like that now until I die. I'm glad I had my children young because older mums will be navigating this horror whilst parenting teens/young ones.

I'm 53. Recent gyn investigations. I have follicles. Everything is still working full throttle.

I’m can totally relate to what you’re saying. I found menopause very difficult emotionally. I’m out the other side now and things are a lot more stable but things have definitely shifted.

My outlook on life has changed quite a bit. Motivation for work has changed and whilst I still enjoy it I’m just treading water really. A lot of the joy has come back into my life but the vibrancy and energy I had before hasn’t. I’m stable on my HRT but feel a bit flat for want of a better word. My family still bring me a lot of joy but some things I used to do in the past for fun I really can’t be bothered with. I have howver found new hobbies I enjoy but I would be lying if I said I didn’t miss the ‘old’ me.

Interesting there's a number of 53 year olds on this thread who are still regular. When I tell my doctors I'm still regular, they react like it's really weird. Even my gynecologist seemed surprised just how functional my ovaries and things were showing to be.

I think some of the younger Mums who are upset that their parents aren't doing all the childcare they think we should for their children should read this thread. They'll protectively grab their kids and run. haha

Actually what happened was most women died before they reached menopause
Average life expectancy was 48 prior to antibiotics

Personally for me I want to be as healthy as I can for as long as I can and that includes my MH
Fit active, running, swimming , sleep like a log and loving life here
They will have to prise it out of my cold dead hands !

Every women through time has indeed been through it. But does that mean that women living in this time have to SUFFER through it? Many of the symptoms you’re still having could be helped by HRT; you don’t have to grit your teeth and bear it like previous generations.

It is absolutely part of the natural female aging process. Being more vocal doesn’t mean symptoms are better or worse. It does help in learning tips and strategies for managing them. I think that’s better than whispers about ‘the change’ and not supporting each other though it due to shame or lack of knowledge.

I also agree that not all women will have bad symptoms and there was a recent blip which publicised menopause and sent everyone into a panic - the 30 year olds in my team were certainly talking about it in that way! But for those who do have symptoms to whatever degree, help does exist in various forms, including but not solely medication like HRT.

Glad I found this post because it resonates with me totally. I feel so lost, I dont have the motivation to do anything but Im so bored. It's just not like me at all. On hrt but dont know if its working 😕

That age average is skewed by the number of infants and children who died before adulthood though. Quite a few people lived to a ripe old age if they did reach adulthood to start with.

No HRT here but interested to hear what supplements people might be taking that they find help.

I'm 51 and recognise much of this. About 5 years ago I suddenly hated everyone except my DC. Even people I like and am.close to. Just felt like everyone wanted me for something and resented it all.
It's been a big challenge to my relationship with DP, but he's tried to adjust and understand.
I also feel far less motivated about everything and I used to be Mrs Positive and energetic, now I'm far more 'meh, whatever'. I'm trying to embrace it!
Started HRT few years ago, which is a huge help. I certainly wouldn't fancy this 'journey' without it, and often think of female relatives who had to go without and no-one talked about it!! Must have been horrible.

@ThisHazelPeerit makes me sad to read you accept that is how you have to feel for the rest of your life! You do realise the narrative of 'women just need to put up with it' is something we've been told by a society run by men that wanted us in the past to put up and shut up? And in accepting that, we don't give ourselves the chance to improve our situation. Medicine has moved on and we are now able to explore our options without judgement. For me HRT (progesterone in particular) knocked the anxiety and sadness on the head. Its not a miracle cure but it can really really help.

I actually see a herbalist who specialises in women’s health alongside my HRT- it’s really helped me with some of this. She adjusts the herbs I take around my
cycles etc. and I also take functional mushrooms in my luteal phase which also helps. Not for everyone but it’s an option!