To find menopause totally destabilising?!

[Meetmeinlove]

I am 53 and in perimenopause- I am still ovulating some months but am on HRT and coping kind of ok with the physical symptoms- still having periods as regular as clockwork.

But emotionally I am finding this whole period of life to be completely WILD- like totally upending! It’s described sometimes as reverse puberty and I can kind of see why.

I have generally been sociable throughout my life, have lots of friends, am active and like doing stuff. But I am finding I am questioning everything and everyone - my place in the world, my relationships. I feel quite lonely a lot of the time and find friendships drifting, find that I don’t even really like some of the people in my life. I am finding it very difficult and challenging.
This very much includes my marriage too.

Its probably a cliche- I am probably a mid life cliche but I think everyone talks about the physical part of menopause & whether to take HRT or not- but this up- ending feels less talked about- I feel like I am becoming a different person and it’s so weird.

Finding it very destabilising. Socially I know I can find new hobbies, meet new people etc. That’s not the issue in some ways- it’s more how much of that I actually want to do, deciding where to put my energy and at the moment it feels more
like things are falling away.

I am aware I probably sound a bit nuts but it’s a reflection of my
menopausal state!!

Anyone else know what I mean? It’s a crazy time of life!!!

How do you get motivated? I just feel so stuck all the time?

Hi. The first friend had some problems and wanted to forget her old life when she moved. That included me.
the second one was horrible to me when I was depressed sbd anxious, and was obviously trying to avoid me. When I asked if that was the case car , it all blew-up and she told me I was too much and blocked me.
I probably would still be in some sort of contact with both of them if I hadn’t of panicked and supposedly made it “all about me” Christ!

Jjkate
i think yiu should tell her how you feel. In a gentle way. Some people do become quite unsociable when they get older? It probably isn’t anything you’ve done x

Ask her if she’s ok, snd if threes an issue. She sounds a bit low. It could be she’s not feeling like she’s good company. It’s probably not a “you” issue.

I'm 53 and still having regular periods. I'm caught in a Catch 22 situation because two years ago I had a really heavy bleed and had to get a coil inserted. Shortly after that my blood pressure was very high at a regular check up and I had to have the 24 hour monitor and was sent to a cardiologist and he said I wouldn't be suitable for HRT. The first coil didn't stop my periods and I recently had to get the coil changed and I'm on a very high dose of progesterone for two month to stop heavy bleeding.
I think the high blood pressure was caused by stress at the time because I had a lot of other things going on as well as the bleeding. It's well controlled now by medication.
The gynaecologist I'm seeing now for the heavy bleeding thinks that HRT might be a good think as it protects the heart. I'm trying to decide if I should go back to the cardiologist to discuss HRT again.
I'm sleeping OK but I'm definitely unmotivated and unenthusiastic. That might also be caused by the insane periods, though. I'm seeing the cardiologist and the gynaecologist privately so I'm spending money I can't really afford to get conflicting medical advice.

well dh forgot the car charger lead so I don’t feel so bad now 🤣

Reading this thread I genuinely think our dopamine systems go skew whiff as we age / meno. Even with hrt.

I did take testosterone when I could take hrt; it did help but I ended up on too much

gp told me 3rd of women like it, a 3rd find it terrible and it does nothing for a 3rd.

i have noticed over the last 3 years off hrt and on tamoxifen that my hormones gone through phases.

If I have a period of stress, I feel the crash a few weeks later, I well as what little libido I have. And that’s when it’s harder to focus, be motivated, not buy stuff on Vinted.

But when I’m in a good flow of making sure I’m eating, exercising, sleeping and doing things like breathing exercises (all things pro vagus nerve), it comes back a few weeks later/ months later.

I will say that having cancer does force the issue a bit and provided the fuck this shit motivation I probably needed to start. I don’t see having it as bad thing as a consequence. Despite the horrific menopausal symptoms. As I actually seem to get less hot flushes than friends on hrt.

I find I just have to get started, motivated or not. Sometimes it feels like the last thing I want to do but, when I'm underway, I do enjoy things and feel I've achieved something, which helps mentally.

I know it's a flaming pile of shit for us all but I'm also perversely glad to have found this thread for the sheer solidarity. A PP who said seeing everything and everyone through a new and unpleasant lens is so spot on for me. In fact, 'unpleasant' now describes so much including my new personality.

I look at myself “before” in awe now. I want to be back how I was I was great then. Now I have gray hairs, need glasses, thickened midriff despite same eating and exercise habits, crap memory, feel super anxious and cry at the first sign of adversity.

Terrible thing to say but see now why men leave older women. I would definitely leave myself for 42 year old me if I could if that makes any sort of sense.

I’m finding myself feeling resentful at having to meal plan, shop, then cook the pissing dinner every night. In this heat it’s making it all worse

Op here- I am super grateful for all the solidarity too - it makes me feel less alone and weird! It’s such a dreadful time in so many ways! I am on holiday at the moment in France but even being away doesn’t help loads to be honest - I can’t escape myself. But I will go back with a new found sense of needing new poeple and input into my life- a new hobby!

I am so glad to have found this thread too. The people on this thread I think are the only people in life I’d actually like to meet up with and have a drink.

OP again- If anyone is in Brighton or surrounding area, am deffo up for a coffee!!!

Can definitely relate to the being on a lovely holiday but also sadly being on it as yourself!!

But where are you all in my day to day life. I am surrounded by people who seem to breeze through everything.
Like you say OP id love to connect with any or all on here even via a WhatsApp group where a hello every so often would be great

Sorry to laugh but I too am unpleasant and I cant stop it!

Am really happy to set up a ‘menopause support’ WhatsApp group - am not sure what the rules are on here around that kind of thing re privacy etc - might be tricky to do - but if people want to chat off this thread as a support mechanism, that would be lovely!

Can’t sleep on hols as it’s too hot! 🥵

Anyone found anything to help the hot, dry and itchy fanjo?! I’ve tried thrush cream, and many other products from the chemist and coconut oil. Nothing works and I’m itching all of the time!

. Brand called Yes vaginal moisturiser. if that doesn’t work then you need vaginal estrogen. You can get it from online chemists after questionnaire. It doesn’t absorb systemically in significant amounts so it’s suitable even if you can’t take systemic HRT. The phase after itching is pain and infections so definitely tackle it now!

Having had a turbulent decade of peri menopause, teenage kids and elderly parents I'm just here to say - it's a phase and you do come out the other side. Your priorities will have changed, you will definitely have less time patience and filters for all the day to shit that gets in the way of life but you will be happier for it. Just grit your teeth and hang on.

I truly hope this is the case. Over the last 8 years that I’ve been in peri I’ve also juggled 6 years of school anxiety from one dc, exam stress from the other and endless days, weeks and years trying to help my elderly father with my mum who sadly has dementia. All whilst feel like a pile of perimenopausal crap.

I’d quite like some self centred me time one day….soon hopefully.

Vaginal oestrogen cream. I had intense itching, particularly at night, for ages before I was put on the cream for vaginal atrophy, which according to the gynae consultant I saw, the vast majority of women 50+ suffer from, but most don't realise, aren't diagnosed and aren't given treatment for.

The key point is that even if you're on HRT it doesn't reach the tissues of the vulva and vagina in the same way unless it's applied topically. I had a Mirena coil and was using oestrogel, but I still needed the cream on top and it's been a real game changer. If I feel the itch, I slap some on, otherwise I use it every third night (to start with you use it every night for two weeks straight). It has also reawakened my sex drive, which had gone into a kind of dormancy until I started using it, so DH is thrilled 😆

I feel like that’s ALL I hear about the menopause?! That’s the main thing talked about in the media about it, isn’t it? I’m 47 and don’t think I’m there yet but am well aware of these issues due to paying vague interest.