AIBU to be hurt by my husbands actions even though his son is sick?

[Khakiqueen1]

I’ve tried to talk to family about this but everyone says I’m just being selfish and thinking about myself before others.

Myself 29 female and my husband 35 male have being married for just under a year. Our anniversary is the end of July. My DH was married previously and that marriage broke down 5 years ago. He and his ex had 1 child a son aged 8 and me and my husband have no children currently.

My DSS was diagnosed with leukaemia 6 months ago and we’ve done everything to support. His ex doesn’t drive so my husband has taken on driving her around, doing her shopping and taking her to work. I don’t mind this as I understand she needs to be at the hospital quickly and is not doing well to be getting the bus everywhere. I selfishly though was getting very jealous and had a huge argument with my husband last week. During the argument he admitted they slept together shortly after the diagnosis and then again about a month ago but that’s it. He said he regrets it but I don’t have children so cannot understand his pain like she can.

I have told him I don’t want him around her anymore and don’t want him doing jobs for her but he and both our families are saying I’m being selfish.

I understand that his son is very poorly but I feel hurt and betrayed by my husband.

AIBU to request he stays away from her?

Why on earth would you accept this shoddy treatment @Khakiqueen1?

He is using his son’s cancer diagnosis to excuse infidelity. That’s disgraceful.

And anyone telling you to overlook this is batshit.

He cheated, that would be it for me. His son being il does not justify him having sex with his ex, nothing justifies him having sex with his ex. He’s done it twice that he’s admitted to, I couldn’t trust him ever again and without trust what’s the point?

Leave him

Just leave him the marriage is over. It’s already a repeated cycle it won’t be the last time either.

My DM would say this. 'Don't rock the boat' was the mantra I grew up with, even when I was being bullied at work and by my IL's. Told to put up with it & just smile.

Now I tell her 'Don't worry, I won't rock the boat. I'll sink it'.

So leave. Be happy.

Exactly this
leave
do not have children with this man
he clearly still loves his first wife
have some respect for yourself as he clearly doesn’t have any for you

Whatever the circumstances he’s a cheater. You don’t deserve that. Dump him, he can go to her until you divide your things.

Does she know he cheated?

100% leave, as fast as you can.

How can he possibly stay away from her, that’s their CHILD? I am a second wife also. Sex ONE TIME after the diagnosis could be forgivable. More than that is a big NO. You are in a tough place trying to support him through his child’s serious illness and dealing with his ex. He needs to stop that nonsense right now. He has no right to just do whatever the hell he wants just because his daughter is sick. That’s smarmy and manipulative. He and the ex can commiserate without getting physical.

^^ This

Slime ball cheating ex husband. Stay away or leave

Yes, you're being unreasonable - because you should be requesting a divorce.

It's sad that his child has cancer, but the issue is that he's a cheater, and that he's too involved with his ex. I couldn't live with this guy, personally.

Count your lucky stars, this is your sign to leave. Im glad you dont have your own children with this man.

His child has a life threatening condition. They need to have contact as there will be lots to discuss.

He has broken your trust twice and I would absolutely divorce in their situation. He is gaslighting you by saying you aren't a mother and can't understand his pain. Not sure how shagging is understanding each other's pain but there you go. Ditch him and seriously think about why at 29 years old you are letting your mother influence your decisions. Also some form of counselling might be a good idea and seriously consider whether dating someone with an existing child is something you want to do.

How can he possibly stay away from her, that’s their CHILD? I am a second wife also. Sex ONE TIME after the diagnosis could be forgivable.

I am also a second wife. No amount of sex after diagnosis is forgivable. Helping an ex with a shared child is fine, but becoming her chauffeur (unless it’s hospital related) and sleeping with her is just not on.

I voted you are being u reasonable because you are being unreasonable to stay with this absolute pig

You have every right to be hurt, their son being sick does not mean they need to jump into bed. He’s a prick

Just leave him , he has cheated on you at least twice and believe me it will be more than that . Having a sick child and her being his ex wife doesn’t excuse his appalling behaviour , what on earth is the matter with your mother .

I cannot think of any situation where if tell my DD to stay with her husband after he'd slept with his ex on two occasions.

WTF is wrong with that woman?

YANBU at all. This situation is awful and you need to step away from it. There is nothing for you in it and I think your husband could potentially end up back in his original family before your eyes which will just bring endless pain to you.

I’m so sorry for everyone in this scenario and so sorry for you.

Your no.2 answer is ridiculous, yes the child needs his parents and time and care,but it doesn't give him carte blanche to shag her,iam sure that doesn't come under the term as 'caring'

Contact yes but not to just go and shag her at same time!

Sorry op but he has to go. X

I get he feels the need to support the boy's mother but fail to see how sleeping with her twice is supportive.

However sad and difficult the situation is, you need to do what's best for you.
I personally wouldn't be sticking around after he'd done that in the first year of marriage.