AIBU to be hurt by my husbands actions even though his son is sick?

[Khakiqueen1]

I’ve tried to talk to family about this but everyone says I’m just being selfish and thinking about myself before others.

Myself 29 female and my husband 35 male have being married for just under a year. Our anniversary is the end of July. My DH was married previously and that marriage broke down 5 years ago. He and his ex had 1 child a son aged 8 and me and my husband have no children currently.

My DSS was diagnosed with leukaemia 6 months ago and we’ve done everything to support. His ex doesn’t drive so my husband has taken on driving her around, doing her shopping and taking her to work. I don’t mind this as I understand she needs to be at the hospital quickly and is not doing well to be getting the bus everywhere. I selfishly though was getting very jealous and had a huge argument with my husband last week. During the argument he admitted they slept together shortly after the diagnosis and then again about a month ago but that’s it. He said he regrets it but I don’t have children so cannot understand his pain like she can.

I have told him I don’t want him around her anymore and don’t want him doing jobs for her but he and both our families are saying I’m being selfish.

I understand that his son is very poorly but I feel hurt and betrayed by my husband.

AIBU to request he stays away from her?

He's cheated. And will do it again. Why on earth would your Mum want you to stay married to him?

His son’s sickness is not an excuse to cheat. Glad you are dumping him.

What is the housing situation? Is it your home or joint?

He's right in saying his ex will understand the pain he is going through better than you as she is going through the same. But that doesn't give them the right to shag. Do the right thing for you and leave him.

You're 29 with no kids. You have all the time in the world to start again - with someone who doesn't use his seriously ill child as an excuse to cheat. God only knows what your mother is thinking - but you deserve a lot better than this.

It must be truly awful having a young child so poorly and he and his ex wife will need to lean on each other and support each other. That’s understandable. Sleeping together does not fall under that category. And he can hardly say he regrets it when he went back and did it again! Then he has the nerve to hurt you even more telling you that you’ll never understand it like she does!! That would be a game ender for me. But I don’t know that I could leave/throw him out while all this is going on. I might just retreat to the spare room for now and make plans to split without actually doing it just yet. But I truly don’t see how you come back from this.
And why on earth isn’t your mum supporting you??

Throw this one bsck.
You do not need to be entangled in this situation. Get him gone pronto

Tell me is this cultural? That your mum and family would not be outraged by his infidelity towards you? That they are accepting he would do this?

That he would expect you to accept his infidelity with his ex???

I'm flummoxed. 🤔

It’s your marriage, not your mum’s.

You will be so much happier free of this cheating scumbag.

I hope the little boy recovers.

He can stop seeing her but he could’ve stayed out of her knickers. There’s no turning back now, he’s ended your marriage

What are you talking about? I didn’t say it’s okay for him to cheat on her. But he has a child who is seriously ill. She cannot realistically expect him to have no contact with his ex.

Why on earth would your own Mum try and convince you to stay with someone who has cheated on her daughter, not once but twice!
I'd be telling my daughter to leave and not look back.
Good luck with what you decide to do.
You deserve much more respect than that x

Your family told you that you're selfish? Do they know the full story about how he slept with her multiple times???

The marriage is clearly over.

He has cheated and he isn't going to stay away from his ill child.

Two different issues here. One- he is supporting his ex wife and his son who is very poorly. Thats how it should be. Two - he has slept with his ex wife, twice That is not OK and does not fall under the category of supporting her and is most definitely not OK. I feel for you in this situation. Is there any point in telling him not to support or see her. It will happen again and what a man to do this to all of you. Please leave him.

Of course you leave him. I feel so sorry for you. What an awful thing for him to do, and then he will be expecting everyone to feel sorry for him and that you should forgive him. Once is bad enough but twice! And your mother thinks YOU are in the wrong?!!!

Sadly you’ll never, ever be able to trust him again.
He’s deceived you in the worse possible way and then tell you that you can’t understand because you haven’t got kids! Creep!
You’re still young and need to start over with someone who you can trust.

You have grounds for divorce. He has admitted adultery. That equals complete breakdown of the marriage.
I am sorry his son is ill, but that is no excuse for cheating on you.

He’s using his poorly son to justify cheating on you. What a fucking arsehole. Get rid.

I can imagine that they are both out of their minds with worry for their child and i do believe he is right when he says only each other understands, they love their child more than anyone else does.
There must be so many mixed emotions between them in this awful crisis , however all that aside i would never forgive him and that would be the end of my marriage .
I would not allow my mother or anyone else to make an excuse for this betrayal.
I am sorry this has happened to you , you must be very worried for the poor child too, but you deserve better than a cheating husband and when all the practicalities are sorted out you can move forward with a clean slate and hope because there is a better life out there waiting for you.

Your husband has cheated on you twice in under 12 months? Time for a divorece. Leukaemia does not excuse sticking your married penis in another woman's vagina.

I think this is a sad situation for everyone involved and I think no matter what happens now - your marriage is over.

Either he doesn’t stay away and it’s over , or he does and therefore, as a result, he spends less time with his son and resents you - then your marriage is over.

It is very likely that they slept together because of what is going on - leukaemia is very serious and I think your DH and his ex both know that there is a chance they could lose their little boy , which is unthinkable, and they are the only ones that know how this feels and they are also , to each other the only other person in the world who is going through the same thing so they are clinging to each other. There is probably no feelings that would make them last outside of this - they split for a reason - but for now they are in something together that no one else is . They may be drawn to “ being a family “ for their little boy.

This is really unfair on you , you can’t just swallow your feelings and accept this , but you have to think of the worst case here - could you live with yourself if that little boy was in the middle of all this or if your husband lost time with his son and then he passed away ?

I think you need to protect yourself - this could happen again. The little boy is the one important here. If it were me , as much as it would destroy me , but I would have to say to my husband - I am going to step away , with no hate towards you both , but to let you deal with this and if you want to be a family or whatever you want , to be with your son , but i have to protect myself and I cannot sit and home wondering and it is unfair to make me a person who is jealous and resentful at a time for this.

If in the future - wether that is when ( hopefully ) the little boy is well again or if it is the word case - you feel that you could start again , with what has happened left in the past because it involved immense grief and pain , then by all means do it but protect yourself and do what you can for that little boy ,

Get out, classic my wife doesn't understand me behaviour!!!!

I think it’s unfair to say that . He could be facing losing his son , that’s unbearable and I can imagine his ex wife represents the happier times before all this and she is the only person that knows what he is going through and vice versa . I think it’s extremely exceptional circumstances but I don’t think it defines someone.

It is absolutely no excuse for cheating on his wife and it is disgusting for him to use his sick son as an excuse for cheating.

Using his son’s illness to try and excuse his infidelity is shocking. He sounds incredibly selfish and I think you’ll he way better off without him.