AIBU to be hurt by my husbands actions even though his son is sick?

[Khakiqueen1]

I’ve tried to talk to family about this but everyone says I’m just being selfish and thinking about myself before others.

Myself 29 female and my husband 35 male have being married for just under a year. Our anniversary is the end of July. My DH was married previously and that marriage broke down 5 years ago. He and his ex had 1 child a son aged 8 and me and my husband have no children currently.

My DSS was diagnosed with leukaemia 6 months ago and we’ve done everything to support. His ex doesn’t drive so my husband has taken on driving her around, doing her shopping and taking her to work. I don’t mind this as I understand she needs to be at the hospital quickly and is not doing well to be getting the bus everywhere. I selfishly though was getting very jealous and had a huge argument with my husband last week. During the argument he admitted they slept together shortly after the diagnosis and then again about a month ago but that’s it. He said he regrets it but I don’t have children so cannot understand his pain like she can.

I have told him I don’t want him around her anymore and don’t want him doing jobs for her but he and both our families are saying I’m being selfish.

I understand that his son is very poorly but I feel hurt and betrayed by my husband.

AIBU to request he stays away from her?

That is wrong. Whilst I do think this is exceptional circumstances and I don’t think it’s the same as just randomly cheating , it doesn’t mean you need to just accept it . You matter too - you have been betrayed . The best thing you could do here is leave him, you can’t stay unhappy because his son is ill and it is unfair that his actions force you to be a woman who’s jealous and insecure whilst his son is extremely ill. I have been cheated on , and my marriage has survived . But it was a lot of work and it is my husband putting up with every condition I give and constantly reassuring me - this is not possible in your situation. If I had had to stay , swallow down my feelings and carry on as normal - I would have had a breakdown. You don’t deserve that you are hurt and you need to be able to feel that , deal with it and heal .

Perhaps you should ask him to stay away from you.

Religion? A "what will the neighbours think" mentality

Your mum must have incredibly low self esteem if she thinks you should stay with a cheater/any man no matter what they do. Thank goodness you do have some. Leave and don't look back.

Its devastating their son is this poorly he is so young.
The fact you were only married a year ago and they have been thrown back together this way is so difficult.
Honestly to sleep together twice im not sure i could forgive this so early on in a marriage.
I honestly dont know what advice to give yes he needs to be present while his son is very poorly but sleeping with his ex partner thats weak.
Sorry this has happened x

I am not downplaying what OP has been through and she should not have to swallow her emotions.

However, I think if the post was “ my son has leukaemia and could die and in the midst of my grief I cheated on my husband and slept with my sons dad “ the replies would be a lot more sympathetic

YABU for staying in this relationship.

I voted YANBU, in the sense that he cheated on you so YANBU to not want him to see his ex.

However, their child is very sick and their priority is caring for him. I think your marriage is over tbh.

This is a very hard situation - he and her are clearly going through absolute hell as parents BUT there is zero and I mean zero excuse for betrayal… I honestly don’t think your marriage can recover from something like this. Especially in the context. Has he given any reason why he thinks this has happened? Not to justify it from your perspective but his answer would at least offer you some sort of closure eg it was an error of judgement, felt sorry for her, still love her, etc etc. I can imagine many possible reasons so I’d want to hear why he thought this had happened. I wouldn’t be able to forgive. Hugs to you op xxxx

I get things are tricky for him at the moment but no. You don’t have to tolerate this. Who worries about their kid and then jumps in bed with someone?

Start making a get out plan. It’s a year old marriage. If he’s behaving like this now- what about the next time it’s a crisis?

I was Team ex-wife on account of the Leukaemia - until I read that they slept together TWICE while he's been married to you. Wtf?

They're having sex because they want to. Nothing to do with the poor boy having Leukaemia.

This

Wow. Using these awful circumstances to defend his cheating on you. Twice.

Tell him to get to fuck.

Just get out of there; you deserve better.

It is terrible that his son has been diagnosed with such an awful illness. The driving her to the hospital (and presumably being at the hospital for long periods himself) are not unreasonable of him.

However, he has cheated on you. Twice. With his ex wife. That surely means the marriage is over?

It is not wrong or selfish of you at all to leave such a marriage.

You Mum should be telling you not to settle for a cheater. It's your life and your self respect

If that post also used their sick child as an excuse for cheating, I'd also say it was disgusting.

How awful of him to use his son’s illness as an excuse for cheating repeatedly. Dump and run now.

Having a sick child doesn't give you a free pass to cheat whenever you feel like it. He actively made a decision to have sex with his ex and is using his son to excuse it like it is no big deal and you're selfish for being upset. He can't cut contact with her. Hard to say if his support is too much (ignoring the sex) but he is unwilling to do anythjng about boundaries.

Agree with others that it’s over.

terribly sad for them with their son but he shouldn’t have cheated and it’s no excuse. They won’t be able to be apart due to their son’s needs.

Totally agree. Yes, his son is ill, and he says he's only done it twice with her. Once a cheat, all trust is gone, and your marriage will never be the same again.

What planet is your mother on!!

What a cunt. Leave him and be happy

Leave. Its a terrible situation for them but he cheated on you. You're young lots of time to find someone else if that's what you want

You are only 29. Put this one down to experience and do not give this man any more of your time. He is in turmoil over his child but nothing excuses his actions. Are you able to be financially independent, so you don't have to go back to mum?

Okay so i started reading thinking you were going to be the AH. Than i finished it and seriously...WTF. Two things...you need to leave him a sick child is not an excuse to shag your ex, and your family thinking your selfish is messed up