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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be hurt by my husbands actions even though his son is sick?

236 replies

Khakiqueen1 · 25/07/2026 15:53

I’ve tried to talk to family about this but everyone says I’m just being selfish and thinking about myself before others.

Myself 29 female and my husband 35 male have being married for just under a year. Our anniversary is the end of July. My DH was married previously and that marriage broke down 5 years ago. He and his ex had 1 child a son aged 8 and me and my husband have no children currently.

My DSS was diagnosed with leukaemia 6 months ago and we’ve done everything to support. His ex doesn’t drive so my husband has taken on driving her around, doing her shopping and taking her to work. I don’t mind this as I understand she needs to be at the hospital quickly and is not doing well to be getting the bus everywhere. I selfishly though was getting very jealous and had a huge argument with my husband last week. During the argument he admitted they slept together shortly after the diagnosis and then again about a month ago but that’s it. He said he regrets it but I don’t have children so cannot understand his pain like she can.

I have told him I don’t want him around her anymore and don’t want him doing jobs for her but he and both our families are saying I’m being selfish.

I understand that his son is very poorly but I feel hurt and betrayed by my husband.

AIBU to request he stays away from her?

OP posts:
FlamingJune2026 · 26/07/2026 21:49

I was about to say you were being unreasonable until you said they slept together.
Leave now and begin again.

Floppyearedlab · 26/07/2026 21:49

Revolting man
Leave him. Let his ex have him if she is that special. You deserve better

Survivor2020 · 26/07/2026 21:56

I think your marriage is over as he definitely still has feelings for her. I would ask for a divorce before you have children together. If you have a child then it becomes much more messy and you will never be able to completely sever ties. LEAVE HIM

AnneLovesGilbert · 26/07/2026 21:59

Your mum is an idiot. Your husband is revolting. His ex is shameless. You deserve so very very much better. Please divorce him, get it going this week.

Strawberrydelight78 · 26/07/2026 21:59

He’s cheated so for me it would be over. But you you can’t surely expect them to keep away from each other while their son is going through this so YABU. They’re son will always come first. Walk away he obviously still has feelings for her.

Survivor2020 · 26/07/2026 22:00

Khakiqueen1 · 25/07/2026 16:00

Thank you. I wanted to leave him but my mum was trying to convince me the correct thing to do was to stay. I feel much happier now that I’m making the correct choice.

Please leave him. You’ll regret it later if you don’t. You’ll find someone that deserves you. Your mum isn’t the one living your situation

WildLeader · 26/07/2026 22:01

End this. He’s making an idiot out of you, and you’re better than that.

he needs to focus on his son anyway

Chilly80 · 26/07/2026 22:12

FloofTrousers · 25/07/2026 15:56

Just leave. There's no way he can't have contact with her while their child is so poorly, and you can't trust him to be faithful. You only have control over your own actions.

This

Pssedoffathis · 26/07/2026 22:12

This is going to be a very long and emotional journey for him and his ex wife. I don’t think I would stick around for it knowing he has cheated on you with her, it shows that they aren’t two people co parenting, they are more deeply entwined than that. They will need each other during this period and they have shown they are not purely platonic friends who some time ago used to be in a relationship. Their child needs them. It’s a total mess for you. Sorry OP I would definitely be walking away. And with your head held high as you supported him and her by giving them time and space and they did that to you. It’s time to walk away.

jacks11 · 26/07/2026 22:23

JLou08 · 25/07/2026 16:28

I think you are being unreasonable to ask him to stay away from her. They need to put their son first and that is highly likely to involve being together sometimes. He is also right that you can't understand what he is going through like his ex does but that's a shit reason to give for sleeping with her.
I think ending your relationship with him would be the right thing to do. But staying with him and adding conditions that impact his son is not right.

Exactly this.

They are going to have to continue co-parenting a very sick child, they are going to have to have ongoing and frequent contact. You can’t try to stop that, even though I understand why you would want to have this as a condition for staying with him- it’s simply unrealistic.

I can sort if see how this might occur- heightened emotions, comforting each other etc- but it wasn’t inevitable and his actions were still a series of choices he made. He chose to betray your trust, he needs to own it. I think his reasoning that you can’t understand is nonsense, just an excuse.

But equally, you don’t have to put up with being cheated on. Only you can decide whether it’s a deal-breaker for you (I think it would be for me) or if you want to work on your relationship with the knowledge he will have ongoing, close contact.

Gymnopedie · 26/07/2026 22:52

@boredsoscrollingonMNagain

However, I think if the post was “ my son has leukaemia and could die and in the midst of my grief I cheated on my husband and slept with my sons dad “ the replies would be a lot more sympathetic

Oh no they wouldn't. They might be sympathetic to the fact that she has a very ill child, just as many of these posts have had sympathy for the father having a son with leukaemia. But no sympathy at all for either him or a mythical female poster using it as an excuse to get into bed.

OP the fact that he's admitted to twice probably means it's more. When people are caught out they minimise things down to a level they hope can be forgiven/excused. You want to leave so leave. Don't let anyone, our mother included, tell you you're selfish for wanting to split with a husband who thinks OK to shag his ex while he's married to you. And his 'you don't understand' tells me that he does think that makes it OK.

Arregaithel · 26/07/2026 22:55

@Khakiqueen1 what on earth is your Mum thinking?!

Leave and don't even look back 🌸

RuinartRuination · 26/07/2026 22:55

Khakiqueen1 · 25/07/2026 16:00

Thank you. I wanted to leave him but my mum was trying to convince me the correct thing to do was to stay. I feel much happier now that I’m making the correct choice.

But is your mother aware that your husband is sleeping with his ex wife?

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 26/07/2026 23:16

Khakiqueen1 · 25/07/2026 16:00

Thank you. I wanted to leave him but my mum was trying to convince me the correct thing to do was to stay. I feel much happier now that I’m making the correct choice.

Your mum thinks it’s a grand idea for you to stay with a man who cheated on you not once (which in itself would be one time too many) but twice.

EndlessWeeding · 26/07/2026 23:19

How can you not realise that your marriage is over? You actually considered staying with him if he just saw less of his ex? That's nuts.

RedSnail1 · 26/07/2026 23:26

Supporting someone with a sick child is the right thing to do; however, there is no excuse for cheating. You need to divorce him before things get any more complicated!

wandawaves · 26/07/2026 23:29

He cheated on you twice and blamed it on his child's cancer?

He's an absolute scumbag.

Pinkissmart · 27/07/2026 00:15

Just leave him . He should be looking after his son, that’s a given. He’s cheated twice- no way should you have to suck that up just because he has a sick child.

You can feel really bad for the child and wish him well, but still look after your own heart.

Nobodycares · 27/07/2026 00:32

Oh, vomit, he fucked his ex and is using his sick son as an excuse.

What a total, utter and absolute creep. I am glad you are dumping him. Please do NOT play the pick me dance with this creepy, lying loser.

nevernotmaybe · 27/07/2026 00:43

The situation changes nothing at all about what he did.

But if you are going to forgive and stay, you cant under the circumstances say it has to be zero contact. Although limited as much as possible is ok to request.

SonnyHoney · 27/07/2026 00:43

Leave now and although he did you wrong, Leave amicably
Wish the child health & healing, There is no pain like a sick child, Other than a child that is no longer here.

In time you will meet somebody new. <3

KitchenFaust · 27/07/2026 00:47

It actually is an excuse to cheat. A child sick with cancer is unimaginable. His ex wife is the only person who will share this grief.

Growlybear83 · 27/07/2026 00:52

KitchenFaust · 27/07/2026 00:47

It actually is an excuse to cheat. A child sick with cancer is unimaginable. His ex wife is the only person who will share this grief.

You surely cant be serious! Of course the grief of having a child with cancer is truly horrendous but there is NOTHING that can anyone can use as an excuse for cheating on their partner under any circumstances.

Duvetdayneeded · 27/07/2026 03:03

Your mum needs a talking to as you don’t stay with a cheater.

ReadingSoManyThreads · 27/07/2026 03:28

I voted YABU because you cannot demand him to stay away from her when he needs to be there to support his seriously ill son.

The good news is, as you'll have been married for one year within the next few days, you'll be able to file for divorce! It's quick and easy if you do it yourself online.