AIBU to be hurt by my husbands actions even though his son is sick?

[Khakiqueen1]

I’ve tried to talk to family about this but everyone says I’m just being selfish and thinking about myself before others.

Myself 29 female and my husband 35 male have being married for just under a year. Our anniversary is the end of July. My DH was married previously and that marriage broke down 5 years ago. He and his ex had 1 child a son aged 8 and me and my husband have no children currently.

My DSS was diagnosed with leukaemia 6 months ago and we’ve done everything to support. His ex doesn’t drive so my husband has taken on driving her around, doing her shopping and taking her to work. I don’t mind this as I understand she needs to be at the hospital quickly and is not doing well to be getting the bus everywhere. I selfishly though was getting very jealous and had a huge argument with my husband last week. During the argument he admitted they slept together shortly after the diagnosis and then again about a month ago but that’s it. He said he regrets it but I don’t have children so cannot understand his pain like she can.

I have told him I don’t want him around her anymore and don’t want him doing jobs for her but he and both our families are saying I’m being selfish.

I understand that his son is very poorly but I feel hurt and betrayed by my husband.

AIBU to request he stays away from her?

I think I'd be telling him to stay away from you, not her tbh.

What a prince amongst men. Throw this one back. You are well rid.

You deserve better than this.

Sorry. Hadn't seen your update before I posted. Good choice op.

He's cheated on you twice. He uses sex to manage his emotions. He has to have ongoing and close contact with his ex, probably for a long time to come. I couldn’t stay in the marriage

I voted YABU because you just need to leave him. Cheating is never ok. You deserve better.

Your husband slept with his ex wife twice and you are ‘hurt’? I’d be devastated and livid all at the same time.

He has slept with his ex twice because their child is sick.

They are clearly getting very very close and old feelings are there a mistake (not cheating) happens once you don’t do it again that’s an active choice to keep putting yourself in that situation.

Don’t waste your time with this man. Leave and to hell with that anyone thinks.

They will sleep together some more and then either end up back together or separate but it’s not your mess

Oh my, no way are you being selfish. He's the selfish one.
Yes, he's going through a terrible nightmare at the moment but he didn't need to cheat. It truly isn't a reason, there is no reason.
Am so very sorry. One thing, at least he was finally honest and you can make you choices based on that.

Utterly sick. Men will use any excuse for an extra shag won't they.

Using his sick child is the lowest of the low. Take your life back and find someone who respects you x

There is no version of this where you are being selfish OP. I wouldn’t wish a sick child on anyone, and I have some sympathy and empathy for him on that count but that isn’t license to cheat on you. You deserve better…

Leave. As a former parent of a very sick child (who didn’t survive), there is a unique bond parents of that child share, whether they are together or separated. The fact he’s cheated on you twice is reason enough to leave.

They are disgusting, they slept with each other shortly after diagnosis, who was with their very poorly child while they were fucking?!

There is absolutely no excuse for this.

Leave them to it, awful situation for everyone involved, but how can you trust him not to cheat again in a crisis

Its less selfish asking him to leave than asking he stays away from her.

You tell everyone he cheated and its clear he needs to focus on his son and its best he stays somewhere else so he can give that attention.

I'll simply say what other's have not: your marriage is over. If I was your mom that's what I would tell you.

His family and your family all sound enablers who will allow this man to treat you like shit and ask that set yourself on fire to keep him warm. You must advocate for yourself. He made a choice to break your vows and there are consequences for that choice.

You’re being unreasonable not to kick him out.

Your husband and your families are insane. He cheated on you TWICE. And they think you are being unreasonable. This marriage would be dead to me. Cheating twice and it’s only been a year. I would not be having children with this man.

Does she know he is shagging his ex?

Leave. He needs to be near the mum of his sick child and he has cheated on you.

You can't ask him not to see the mother of his sick child. They are bonded together and this trauma will only bond them further and that might be exactly what his child needs - as long as is isn't preying on her need for cuddles and support and taking advantage of her.

What you can - and I would suggest must do - is graciously bow out of the situation and leave them to it. That kids needs both parents, they need each other for support (and are clearly still enmeshed), and you deserve better.

I'm so sorry OP. You need to be the bigger person.

Look up trauma bonding.

He cant possibly stay away from her atm and you cant possibly be expected to tolerate his cheating. I am so very sorry that this has happened to you.

I think this is his second marriage at an end. He will never not have the connection with his ex because of the child. Cheated on you twice in your short marriage how will you ever trust him - get gone.