Need to uninvite someone from a girls weekend

[OITNB]

I’m organising a mums’ weekend away later this year. I booked the accommodation and invited a group from our sons’ year at school. No money has changed hands yet.

Since the invitations went out, one of the women has had major fallings out with two of the others who are coming. There have been a number of arguments and it’s created quite a lot of tension within the wider year group.

It’s now got to the point where several people have told me they’re uncomfortable about the situation. To make matters worse, we’ve just found out that a number of us haven’t been invited to another social event that same weekend because she’s staying with us. Whether that’s right or wrong, it’s made the atmosphere even more awkward.

I now feel I’m in the position of having to tell her I don’t think she should stay with us anymore. Her son is friends with my son, so I’m conscious there will be fallout. Equally, I don’t want ten other people feeling uncomfortable all weekend.

Am I being unreasonable to withdraw the invitation before anyone has paid? If not, how would you word it?

This.

Don't get involved.

I would also re-evaluate whether you want to socialise with a group of women who seem to think that they are still in the playground and create drama.

I jabe often gone one girls weekends away despite not liking/getting on with some of the women going. It's called being a grown up.

Just cancel the whole thing.

This is a terrible idea

sont do this.

I work with people who are suicidal and things like this can push people over the edge

please for god sakes don’t do it. I see it after the suicide.

you cannot blame one person

And yet again a bully and problem person gets things done to their advantage.. Instead of people having a consequence to their actions everyone else needs to miss out.

This kind of stuff is why I always kept my distance from school mums!

Is it a private school? Because in my many years (6 kids!) of senior school experience, there has never been a whole year "school mums club" like this!

Its a hell of a stretch to go from "Sue is PITA and has fallen out with two people already this year, it might be best if she didnt come as its going to be very awkward" to "Dont tell her that, she might kill herself". There is nothing in @OITNB 's posts to suggest serious mental health issues!

Put a message to the group asking everyone to send their share of the 50% deposit to you and continue as before.
You booking the accommodation doesn't mean that you are now responsible for managing adult women and their friendships/ falling out. Leave them all to make their own decisions about whether they still want to attend the weekend or not.

I would simply cancel the whole thing. Rebook with the people you’re comfortable with for another weekend.

'Leave your place in the accommodation" would have me wondering what on earth you meant.

why don’t you suggest to those who have had some sort of disagreement they try and sort it out ahead of the weekend away for everyone’s sake.

'Leave your place in the accommodation" would have me wondering what on earth you meant.

Absolutely, not sure why the OP can’t use plain English? This does not convey the message at all

You're unreasonable for thinking this wouldn't end up as a huge drama. Just watch the motherland weekend away if you need any more convincing!

Honestly, I would be so stressed that I would make an excuse and cancel the whole thing. Let someone else arrange one if they want to do it. You’ve got to be in these women’s lives until your kids leave primary. Say for example it causes bad feeling and your child doesn’t get invited to her child’s party. I would cancel - I can’t think of an excuse off the top of my head but I would make something up.

Just cancel and tell all parties that if they can't behave then there's no point in going.

If she's been causing arguments and is likely to ruin weekend, tell her she's out. But how close are the kids of these other women to yours. The women she has offended or argued with. As im not so sure its her you want to ban from weekend. You say that some of your group are moaning about a lack of invites for another weekend getaway on same weekend. They have not been invited, and are miffed
Are you sure they really want to come on your weekend or would they rather go on the other one. You didn't say if it was the same people. I would say if you get on with theis woman and your kids are friends. I wouldn't necessarily disinvite someone for just arguing with some of the others unless you are closer to them. I feel you could get played. It seems as if you're being blamed for this other woman's argumentativeness. If that's what it is. Also do you know what the disagreements were about? I'd find out, from both sides. Sometimes people become scapegoats for no apparent reason, if it can happen to one it can happen to the next. It may be the case where you wouldn't want to have anything to do with this woman and feel tarnished that she's got into friendship group. But you won't know until you find out a bit more, as the opposite may be true.

Could you send a message to everyone, saying you realise there have been some tensions within the group, and do they all feel you should cancel? If so, tell them how much deposit you have paid and they will all have to pay their share of the lost money unless they can sort out another solution amongst themselves.
it takes all the stress away from you (other than collecting the contributions to the lost deposit of course).

Really? Isn't it more grown up to choose the company of people you like/get on with??

Grow up and stay out of it. Seriously, are you actually a parent?

Hi op I think your mad to even pay the deposit without getting the money of the group first once fallouts happen people will bail on you because they won’t lose any money bit risky tbh. Op always get the money before booking that way any issues you don’t need to get involved with. Whoever doesn’t want her to go should tell her to her face and the reasons why. Op don’t be the one to have to fix everything you are all grown up women.

I go away with 7 or 8 school mums every year! We’ve known each other for 10 years since our kids started in the Nursery at the primary school. We usually go to CenterParcs, but this year we went on a 2 night cruise as one of us had a big birthday

what a mess - I really don’t like this pack like behaviour- there are two sides to every argument- you could def make things worse if you let her know there is tension.

either cancel suck the loss - how much between 10 ?

let her know it might be awkward is she still willing to come? and keep the peace.

re book with your besties or family some places will let you change the date.

Please don’t ostracise this woman- seems like there are issues with her - nothing worse than a mums clique and leaving other mums out !

Seems to have been a bonkers idea to begin with. Why organise something for a large group of school mums, many of whom are only on your radar because you have children in the same class at the same school? Just why? People go away on holidays together because they’ve built up a friendship based on getting to know each other well and all getting on/being friends/liking each other. I can’t imagine being so desperate for friends that I attach myself to a group of people just based on their child’s friendship group.

Your boys are 17? I thought from the way you described things that they were in the infants! Why are you all still "school mums"? Isn't it time to move on?
Let the drama llamas sort things out between them, don't put yourself in the middle of it.

She has already been invited. There’s nothing you can do about that other than cancel for everyone under some pretext. If you’re not prepared to do that, then you’ll have to include her. You’re all grown women. It’s one weekend. You’ll cope.