Need to uninvite someone from a girls weekend

[OITNB]

I’m organising a mums’ weekend away later this year. I booked the accommodation and invited a group from our sons’ year at school. No money has changed hands yet.

Since the invitations went out, one of the women has had major fallings out with two of the others who are coming. There have been a number of arguments and it’s created quite a lot of tension within the wider year group.

It’s now got to the point where several people have told me they’re uncomfortable about the situation. To make matters worse, we’ve just found out that a number of us haven’t been invited to another social event that same weekend because she’s staying with us. Whether that’s right or wrong, it’s made the atmosphere even more awkward.

I now feel I’m in the position of having to tell her I don’t think she should stay with us anymore. Her son is friends with my son, so I’m conscious there will be fallout. Equally, I don’t want ten other people feeling uncomfortable all weekend.

Am I being unreasonable to withdraw the invitation before anyone has paid? If not, how would you word it?

Several times you've said you've booked THE accommodation or THE house. You made it sound very much like it was one place you were all staying in. Now you're saying people have booked their own accommodation. I also can't get my head around mums of 17 year olds all being this chummy. I've never known of mums engaging in group friendships like this when their kids are at secondary school, especially a whole year group. I find the contradictions and the scenario very hard to believe.

Boggling at the idea of a whole year group of mums going away, especially when the kids are 17.

Well you were clearly happy for her to go when you initially booked so I'm not sure why you think you are chief mum to uninvite her? It's incredibly childish. If adults are falling out, it's between them, I just don't understand why it's up to you to turn on 1 person, it's very mean girls. You really should have collected a deposit from everyone before now, it's on you if you haven't. You either cancel the whole thing or the people with the issue drop out, which may lead to it being cancelled anyway. You can't selectively uninvite though.

I've just seen your update, your "boys" are 17, christ so college age and about to start turning 18? Is this a private school or something, it's really weird that mum's would be so heavily involved at this point, my parent's never met my high school friend's parent's nevermind college friends parent's, if they did it was dropping you off outside their house and merely a wave, I find it odd an entire year group of mum's of nearly adult kids would be going away together.

The whole thing sounds suffocating anyway, a meal out with school mums is quite enough.

Scrap the whole idea.

Which also accounts for the events for the same weekend they won't be invited to. The entire group will branch off into dinner, pub, small parties, etc. but @OITNB 's group will be left out.

Perfect response!

My child is about to start reception and this thread has terrified me. Is this what it means to be the parent of a school aged child?!? This sounds like a story about a bunch of 10 year olds.

I don’t think you can uninvite one person under any circumstances. Since you’ve already paid the deposit I’d cancel the trip with this lot and find a different group of friends or family to go away with to your booked accommodation.

Yeah that totally looks like AI wrote it! Just talk to her. Start with: are you guys going to make up before the trip? Because if not it’s going to suck. And she what she says.

I agree. Sounds like a circle of hell.

I want to know what she’s done. “We’ve had a difference of opinion about Andy Burnham” is a bit different to “she shagged Annabelle’s husband”

Isn’t it funny that some groups of women don’t change their mindset from school days? Their husbands are probably the ones who go for lads weekends with “top bants” and act like 12 year old boys too. Absolutely pathetic.

For anyone doubting the veracity of this story my guess is it’s a private school… I have a 17 yo DD and many mums’entire social lives are built around a group of women whom they met when they were aged 3 at pre prep. You have a bunch of women with a lot of disposable income and who don’t need to work or if they do work they are (eg) a partner in a law firm and can afford to buy in the extra help needed to look after the younger kids to facilitate “girls trips”.

some women I know head away 4 times a year with school mums for spa weekends in Mallorca, skiing in st moritz - each one costing thousands of pounds. In addition to the £30k a year family holiday budget.

this sounds like a horrendous situation OP and one I’ve seen played out before ! Having a chat like you’ve said is planned is a good plan.

Grown women falling out with each other again - it’s pathetic drama. Stay out of it, OP.

It's not that lady who is taking legal action - she is being sued by a different mum, according to later update.
OP, you will get lots of responses like this.

I genuinely thought that message was a joke poking fun at the OP’s situation. The message is absolutely nuts.

we’ve just found out that a number of us haven’t been invited to another social event that same weekend because she’s staying with us

Maybe I’ve misunderstood. But surely the reason you haven’t been invited to something the same weekend is because you’re away on a trip that you presumably did not invite the organisers of this other event to?

Yes you can’t send this. It doesn't matter how nicely you phrase it, you’re still telling someone they can’t come. I learnt this to my detriment when I had to send a similar message uninviting someone from my wedding. There simply is no way to do it nicely.

If you’re friends with the woman you could ask her how she is feeling about the trip? She might not want to go either?

Your kids are 17 but you’re worried falling out with a Mum will impact their friendship 😂 I assume they are trying to get into pubs at that age, not having play dates

School mums playgrounds dramas lol. Why would you put yourself through it, oh deary me 🤣

Cancel the whole thing, it’s the only way forward.

Cancel the weekend and rearrange quietly for next year

The AI message is mad. WTF does Because of that, I think it's best if we leave your place in the accommodation mean? If she reads that she’ll be like, “you what?”

Leave it where ??

Yes, this! It doesn’t make sense and it’s the key point!

The boys are 17! Get a grip - they don't need their mums to be friends.