Need to uninvite someone from a girls weekend

[OITNB]

I’m organising a mums’ weekend away later this year. I booked the accommodation and invited a group from our sons’ year at school. No money has changed hands yet.

Since the invitations went out, one of the women has had major fallings out with two of the others who are coming. There have been a number of arguments and it’s created quite a lot of tension within the wider year group.

It’s now got to the point where several people have told me they’re uncomfortable about the situation. To make matters worse, we’ve just found out that a number of us haven’t been invited to another social event that same weekend because she’s staying with us. Whether that’s right or wrong, it’s made the atmosphere even more awkward.

I now feel I’m in the position of having to tell her I don’t think she should stay with us anymore. Her son is friends with my son, so I’m conscious there will be fallout. Equally, I don’t want ten other people feeling uncomfortable all weekend.

Am I being unreasonable to withdraw the invitation before anyone has paid? If not, how would you word it?

I think you need to message the whole group saying something like

“When we planned this, we thought we’d have a lovely weekend all together. Given a few fallings out and arguments I’m not sure that’ll be the case now. What do you want to do? We can go ahead and be adults and make the best of it, or if we think it’ll be a rubbish weekend now we can cancel. If we decide to cancel it will be £x each to cover the deposit I’ve already paid. If we go ahead it will be £x each to cover accommodation/food/activities/whatever. Let me know what you think and we’ll go with the majority opinion.”

This sounds like hell on Earth, a group of random mums going away together some of which already dislike one another?!

Why would you think this is a good idea and why on Earth would you pay upfront?!

The whole thing is nuts.

Absolutely not!

I met some of my closest friends at a baby group 25 years ago. We've been through a lot together (including multiple holidays) and we're still such good friends even though the kids have now moved away.

I'd always say please don't let negative posts about 'mum friends' put you off making new friends!

Hmm if it's a whole year group I'd assume your Indi school?

We can bearly arrange a group coffee in upper sixth.

Just go and don't get sucked into drama if this is real? How long have you been friends? My son in upper sith have know each other for 7 plus years. They are going away on holiday next week and they are bickering already. But they are teen boys.

Can not imagine all of us mums doing the same. Even a few who I am very close to.

Keep school mums at arm’s length.
Why a weekend away? Surely a meal out or meeting up for a coffee would be better?

😂

I agree - it is not clear at all what that means. I also wouldn’t mention the boys friendship. It will either be affected or not - saying that will make no difference.

ChatGPT has given itself a “friendly, firm, vague” prompt for the message.

I’d cancel and leave the WhatsApp group. Lose one deposit or keep it and have weeks of drama, that’s the choice.

Could you have an unrelated reason why you can’t go now op? Family wedding? Unwell relative? Then you could gracefully bow out and let them sort it out themselves as they seem to be the ones who have fallen out. It’s not all on you to fix.

That letter is ridiculous.

She will be hurt. She will think you are taking sides (you are)

Your son's friendship with hers will end

She will not want to meet for a coffee or anything else

The school run will be excruciating

And the Mean Girl's vibe is very strong here

It’ll be an indie - I teach at an international school, youngest is sixth form, I’m forever politely declining invites to ‘beach weekend for aaaaallll our lovely mamas’.

So I’d guess they’re all off to let’s say Blackpool (for a not possibly outing destination no one on MN would ever set foot in, apparently).

Everyone is booking their own AirBnBs in friendship subgroups & then there’ll be a weekend of activities & meet ups.

OP has ended up being the lead booker for a house of 10.

Unfortunately, one of the 10 is Trouble. Trouble has fallen out with various people since the booking was made.

Not only is OP worried about a nasty atmosphere in the house, but also as a household they’ve been NFI’d from let’s say Karaoke night because whoever is organising that is not keen for them to bring Trouble along.

OP thinks it might be best if she tells Trouble she’s not welcome as part of the house group.

She is now wisely reconsidering because this risks making her the bad guy, causing further drama & people simply dropping out, leaving her on the hook for at a minimum the 50% deposit. Because people will say ‘well you stirred the pot & that’s why people decided not to come & we didn’t have a big enough group to fill the house’.

Also that AI message is indeed cringe!

If the one who has fallen out with the others has any sense she wouldn't go in the first place, saying that if she does go she must feel that everyone else is ok with her....
Think you're all(the friendship group) a little loopy

Do not get involved with “school mum” friendship groups. They are not your friends. You do not have to be friends with a group of women just because your kids are in the same class.

This is nonsense. One size doesn't fit all. My DC are in their 20s now, and I'm still friends with some mums from their year groups. We've been away together, regularly meet up for drinks etc. No, we don't "have to be friends", but we like each other, so we are😊

The mean girl vibe is strong on this one.

I think legal proceedings resulting from another weekend away should have been a warning sign?

Cancel, use the weekend for your family and just don’t get involved - especially if your son’s friendships are at stake.

Put it in the group chat and discuss it like adults. . Do not uninvite one person by message at least have a face to face conversation. I think I would just cancel and lose the deposit.

I’d cancel the whole thing.

Mum's/girls/girlie weekends away... I now understand why social media content, "I live alone with no friends" is really taking off.

No-one in RL books a house share for a group of school mums, do they? Who’s looking after their kids?

I enjoyed the bonus extra about the wronged party suing another school mum but that storyline wouldn’t even work in Amandaland. 😂

Hi Group,

As I am the one who did the booking and paid the deposit so I'm here to address the issue of the recent tensions in the group before the upcoming weekend.

I wasn't involved in the fallings out and I'd prefer to stay that way. I appreciate it is stressful all round and hoping it can be sorted amongst the parties concerned.

Regarding the weekend away I'm not happy to have to 'choose sides' and make any changes to the list of attendees. I really hope this can all get sorted.

The house will need to be paid for and I think this is the fairest suggestion -
If anyone pulls out they are still liable for their share.
If anyone is asked to not attend everyone else will have to cover their cost.

This is a really sticky spot I'm in. If anyone has better suggestions on how to be fair I'd love to hear them.

What was the "behaviour"?

I'd message her and ask her what her plans are, given the tension.

Um, their other parent?

Who did you think, the childcare fairy?

I would do the same, and I would make a mental note never ever to get involved with anything like this again, a large group of people who are not close friends or related going away together, unless you can feel relaxed about possible falling outs and afford to lose your deposit if it goes pear shaped!