Need to uninvite someone from a girls weekend

[OITNB]

I’m organising a mums’ weekend away later this year. I booked the accommodation and invited a group from our sons’ year at school. No money has changed hands yet.

Since the invitations went out, one of the women has had major fallings out with two of the others who are coming. There have been a number of arguments and it’s created quite a lot of tension within the wider year group.

It’s now got to the point where several people have told me they’re uncomfortable about the situation. To make matters worse, we’ve just found out that a number of us haven’t been invited to another social event that same weekend because she’s staying with us. Whether that’s right or wrong, it’s made the atmosphere even more awkward.

I now feel I’m in the position of having to tell her I don’t think she should stay with us anymore. Her son is friends with my son, so I’m conscious there will be fallout. Equally, I don’t want ten other people feeling uncomfortable all weekend.

Am I being unreasonable to withdraw the invitation before anyone has paid? If not, how would you word it?

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I dont understand. If everyone has booked their own accommodation eg hotel rooms, how does it impact on uou financially if she goes or not?

I don't think I would withdraw the invitation. Everyone is an adult and is responsible for handling their own emotions. Not your job.

There's certainly no lack of drama, wherever this school may be, that's for sure.

I'd book it and take a big tub of popcorn and a bottle of wine. I'd then sit back and enjoy the show unfold before me.

All jokes aside, this is their problem to deal with not yours. They are making you the scapegoat and expecting you to clean up their mess.

If you're going to exclude one woman then you really need to exclude all the women involved in the tiff to make it fair.

There's 2 sides to every story.

I just feel like she's done nothing to you directly, so what's the problem. I also find it really cringe that you're so focused on your social standing in your group (upset about not being invited to stuff), that you are willing to tell this person they can't stay with you. You're going to ruin your son's friendship for no reason also. This is the exact reason I ignore the other mums when I do the school run, too clicky and full of shit. Give me a group of blokes any day of the week, this would never happen.

Sounds like Waterloo Road🤣🤣🤣

I’d tell the others that your sons are friends so you don’t feel comfortable uninviting her, maybe pop in the group chat that Sophie and Sally are taking over the organisation of said trip (with their agreement) and then get them to uninvite her since they’re the ones that have fallen out with her…. Then they can remove her from the chat and you can continue to ‘help’ with planning?!
that way she’s uninvited but it doesn’t fall on you!

I would not be going on this at all. I would cancel. In fact I would never have agreed to it at all. These are kids friends parents not your besties. Anyway, sounds like you are going to send a message and uninvite her whatever people are saying about how you should cancel. That’s really mean and has Clueless vibes and I think you all need to retake years 8 to 11 and grow up properly this time.

Do not uninvite one person. None of you will enjoy this event. Others have suggested go ahead and you stay neutral or find a way to cancel the whole thing. Reminds me of school as it is at the moment! If I was the uninvited one I would feel like a scapegoat and totally humiliated. Horrible.

"one of the women has had major fallings out with two of the others who are coming"

That really did leap out

You, the whole group, seem to have decided the other 2 are blame free

Of course there may be good reason for this but do be careful that you aren't joining a Mean Girl gang

The thread has got too long so I haven't read all the updates, but it sounds like the pack mentality has kicked in with your group of 'friends' and you're all - yes you included - ganging up on one person.

if I were to exclude anyone (not that I would, because that's evil), it would be the b*tch starting legal action, that's not the kind of person I like to share my weekends with! But actually you all sound quite awful if I'm honest!

Too much like a Muriel's Wedding vibe to me. Were I involved with people who behaved like this I'd be saying 'goodbye Porpoise Spit' to the whole lot of them.

You are all grown adults, if people have a problem with her going then it’s them who need to be uninvited not her. If she’s happy to go along no matter who is going then she’s not the problem.

I'd send her a message asking her what her thoughts are about coming away with you all, just something like 'how you feeling coming away with the current tension in the group? Do you think it might be better to arrange another time for us to get together to save anymore drama?' see what she comes back with. If she's still wanting to come then follow up with 'I hope things aren't awkward & any past arguments aren't brought up so we can all enjoy a stress free weekend' Say the same to the others so as not to singe her out.

This is the risk you take when you book up front without getting the money first.

That aside, I would firstly try the accommodation and see if there’s any possibility of them waiving the rules and giving you your money back. Or reducing the non-refundable part. In both cases, I would speak to the (ex) attendees and see if they would still pay their share.

Alternatively, could you or another member of the group stay there with family and other friends?

Tell the other people involved in the falling out that they’re also not invited. Or are you one of the other people?

Could you sell the holiday on FB with a 10% discount?

Last option, go with the uninviting. Don’t over-explain. Remember, the situation wasn’t caused by you. Can you meet face to face with another member of the group to talk it through with her?

People hide it extremely well

until you’ve spent years working with it and behaviourists and all sorts you’ll never ever know how badly someone is feeling. People can hide their feelings so well

in fact you’ll learn that people who do go on to do that tend to be extremely happy. They’ll be calm and just incredible and then they’ll be gone. We get taught to look out for thousands of types of behaviours etc.

you’ll never know with 92% of them