Need to uninvite someone from a girls weekend

[OITNB]

I’m organising a mums’ weekend away later this year. I booked the accommodation and invited a group from our sons’ year at school. No money has changed hands yet.

Since the invitations went out, one of the women has had major fallings out with two of the others who are coming. There have been a number of arguments and it’s created quite a lot of tension within the wider year group.

It’s now got to the point where several people have told me they’re uncomfortable about the situation. To make matters worse, we’ve just found out that a number of us haven’t been invited to another social event that same weekend because she’s staying with us. Whether that’s right or wrong, it’s made the atmosphere even more awkward.

I now feel I’m in the position of having to tell her I don’t think she should stay with us anymore. Her son is friends with my son, so I’m conscious there will be fallout. Equally, I don’t want ten other people feeling uncomfortable all weekend.

Am I being unreasonable to withdraw the invitation before anyone has paid? If not, how would you word it?

I think I would cancel for everyone and stay out if thw hassle OP.

Perhaps say venue has cancelled.on you ...

I think it would be unfair to pick one side and also comes across Mean Girly-ish

I think you will need to cancel the whole thing

I have thought about it, but I’ve already paid a non refundable 50% deposit on the house. It doesn’t seem fair to cancel the whole weekend for ten other people because of one person’s behaviour.

Cancel.

Hi [Name].

I've been putting off sending this because I know it's not an easy conversation.

When I first organised the weekend to [wherever], I thought everyone would have a lovely time together.

Unfortunately, things have now changed quite a bit, and there's now a lot of tension within the group.

I've thought about it for a long time, and I don't think it's fair to anyone for us all to stay together for the weekend. Because of that, I think it's best if we leave your place in the accommodation.

I know this will probably be upsetting, and I'm really sorry, because it isn't a decision I've made lightly.

I hope you know this isn't about trying to hurt you, and I don't want it to affect the boys' friendship. I just don't think the current situation is going to make for a comfortable weekend for anyone involved.

We can have a catch up next week over coffee/a drink/ something you normally do together.

You can’t single her out as the person who needs to be punished for this - that will look like you are taking sides.

Telling her she can’t come now is mean girl behaviour.

What on earth makes you think that it’s a good idea to send that? Just no…

Um you were brave booking a weekend away for school mums. I would have stuck to a meal.

Cancel whole thing or take your family instead or invite one other family to go with

'Fallings out' isn't one person's behaviour- it takes two to fall out.

It's clear already that you'll ignore lots of people telling you that it's not OK to uninvite one person. But it's not OK.

Op asked for wording, I suggested some wording....

Why have you decided that it’s all her fault?

you either cancel the whole thing or suck it up. You are adults.

If this is real, and you are going to uninvite her you will also presumably need to reimburse her for what she paid.

Jeez let them decide! Just do your organising.

My friendship group is also connected to my kids and their friends. If a couple fell out I’d leave them to it. Of we were going away and there was 10 of us we’d manage. Partly because we’re adults. Also because we’re adults.

How much is 50%? If it’s a couple of hundred ££, might still be better to lose it than go through with what sounds like a horrible weekend…

Who’s paid the non-refundable deposit, you?

It’s not your argument, so don’t get involved (particularly when others try to get you on their ‘side’) - if someone chooses not to come, it’s their decision.

What’s the crux of the argument? Is it worth trying to mediate? Why have you determined that it’s the one lady’s fault - because she’s less popular and now you’ve been excluded from something else?
If she’s genuinely at fault it’s likely worth pointing that out and trying to get an apology or some resolution. If she doesn’t want to do that then that opens the way to say that the weekend won’t be pleasant so does she just want to opt out…

Thank you. I like this wording. I understand people are assuming this is a case of the group turning on one person. It isn’t. From my perspective, she’s been the common denominator in a number of separate fallings out since February. There have been repeated conflicts with different mums, including one she’s now in legal proceedings with over another girls’ weekend
That’s why I’ve reached this decision. I’ve already paid a deposit on the house, so cancelling the weekend doesn’t seem fair on everyone else. She could still come but I think it could be beyond awkward for everyone.

Never heard of school mums going away together… Surely a recipe for disaster? No help at all to you, just surprised that this is a thing!

How old is everyone, 5?

I would get the money from them all sharpish so you don’t end up out of pocket.

This is not one you can control. Let those who want to drop out but make sure they’ve paid their share.

I would cancel the whole thing everyone sounds less mature than children

Cancel the whole thing. It’s simply not OK to uninvite people.

‘Legal proceedings after another girl’s weekend’?!

I think you’ve over-egged the pudding, there.