Need to uninvite someone from a girls weekend

[OITNB]

I’m organising a mums’ weekend away later this year. I booked the accommodation and invited a group from our sons’ year at school. No money has changed hands yet.

Since the invitations went out, one of the women has had major fallings out with two of the others who are coming. There have been a number of arguments and it’s created quite a lot of tension within the wider year group.

It’s now got to the point where several people have told me they’re uncomfortable about the situation. To make matters worse, we’ve just found out that a number of us haven’t been invited to another social event that same weekend because she’s staying with us. Whether that’s right or wrong, it’s made the atmosphere even more awkward.

I now feel I’m in the position of having to tell her I don’t think she should stay with us anymore. Her son is friends with my son, so I’m conscious there will be fallout. Equally, I don’t want ten other people feeling uncomfortable all weekend.

Am I being unreasonable to withdraw the invitation before anyone has paid? If not, how would you word it?

They're all adults. You aren't the one having falling outs. Go along with your original plan and let them sort it out amongst themselves. It sounds like ridiculous behaviour for a group of parents.

This. My crystal ball tells me, on receipt of OPs message, left out woman is going to message the other women telling them OP has excluded her, and do they not want her to go.
To which the majority are going to say "Ooh, no, not me! I never said such a thing".
Then left out woman falls out with OP and the other women flip flop from one side to another, depending on who has the greatest social value at any given time.
OP, I'd not touch this with a barge pole. If people who aren't you don't want her there, they need to tell her.

I had a similar issue but on a smaller scale. I had to uninvite someone from my leaving do from work. I didn’t know but she had pissed quite a few people off by snooping on them and reporting them for minor offences to try to get them into trouble (in the meantime she left suddenly herself). It was beyond awkward but it had to be done, otherwise everyone else would’ve cancelled and it would’ve been just me and her. I just said I’d had some feedback that it wasn’t appropriate for her to come and I was sorry. Major cringe though.

This
cancel it especially if no money has changed hands and then you can re-visit it when hopefully things have calmed down a bit.

I just wouldn't organise it. But if its too late to cancel let it just go ahead. Not your fault if they're all at each others throats. Sounds like a fun time - not.

Blimey, at least read the first three sentences.

Agreed.

This group of Mums sound complely derranged. Surely it takes at least two to tango? Could you cancel the Mums and use it for a group of family or colleagues?

You all sound about 12.

But she was the one being sued by another mum. OP said "The legal proceedings I mentioned relate to another mum suing her to recover a deposit for a shared hotel room after they fell out." She's not the litigious one.

I completely agree it all sounds very immature. I’m really not one for drama, which is probably why I wish I’d never booked the weekend in the first place! Unfortunately it’s a weekend away organised for the whole Year group of mums, with everyone booking their own accommodation and a couple of lunches and dinners planned over the weekend, so it’s not really something that can just be cancelled or repurposed. I’m hoping everyone can put any differences aside and simply enjoy the weekend. Fingers crossed it’ll all have settled down by then.

She is being sued as she refused to give the mum her money back

It’s not worth the hassle. I personally stay away from drama but some people thrive on it.

I have thought about it, but I’ve already paid a non refundable 50% deposit on the house. It doesn’t seem fair to cancel the whole weekend for ten other people because of one person’s behaviour.

This is the reason you never pay a deposit before getting the money from others. I’d rather lose the deposit than be involved in any of this drama, let the drama unfold without you being involved and find another friendship group. How people can be bothered with this drama in their lives is mind boggling, concentrate on your own family and let them all squabble between themselves would be my advice.

That would be a really horrible thing to do. Singling one person out. I personally couldn't do it.

How old are the children?

Why are you listening to complaints from the other parents about the argument. It has nothing in do with anyone other than the parents involved.
You cannot cancel on one person. Cancel the whole thing.
I can’t believe school mum friends actually socialise for a weekend away.

I’d pull out yourself. Nominate someone as the lead and let them all decide if they want to carry on without you

I’d carry on as normal, collect the trip money, let them all go on the weekend and whatever will be will be
I however would have a sudden onset episode of illness & have to bow out last minute
Any drama & I’m not there burning bridges which is likely as I can’t keep my mouth shut if I see any injustice/underdog situation

Girls? Reframe this as adult women and see how you think about it all then.

That sounds like,

If they decided not to go but the hotel was non refundable, why is Mum A suing Mum B. That would mean Mum B paying her out of her own pocket, having already lost her own payment.

Mum A chose to drop out.
In which case I would think Mum A unreasonable

Either way. Its their falling out. Not yours.
If they couldn't agree to use the hotel room after falling out.. its highly likely they will both drop out of your trip.

Let them.

fair point, we are all women in our 50’s and boys are 17. We have now decided a couple of the women are going to meet with the other woman and have a chat face to face. So thank you all for your responses.

The ones she has fallen out with should tell her not to come.

But your role is organising the booking, not mediator and arbitrator.

My advice: get the deposit money off them all asap swiftly followed by full balance, and ensure you have all their monies for the full cost before the full balance is due!

Yep. You'll just have to bite the bullet and uninvite her then. Edit - I see you've decided to meet her to discuss. Fair enough.

I can't get my head around you not being invited to another social event that weekend because she's staying with you? Can you explain that bit? You're going away together so is the thing you're not invited to at home? What do you mean? I'm probably being thick but it doesn't make sense to me

This should be a warning to all women with babies:

Do not get involved with “school mum” friendship groups. They are not your friends. You do not have to be friends with a group of women just because your kids are in the same class.