I assumed my children were included in brother’s barbecue invitation

[Notmotherofflowergirls]

So you receive a text from your brother himself the father of a one year old, asking if you and your husband want to come to a barbecue on a Sunday afternoon.

Would you expect that your two children were included in the invitation?

Why would he think you would prefer to be at his rather than doing something with your children on a Sunday afternoon?
My children don’t go or stay anywhere they are not wanted so any awkwardness and I ‘d pack us all back in the car and leave…. And next time it would be thanks but no thanks, we do things with our children on a weekend.

Weird brother. Play him at his own game, and be a stickler for details - message him to say (for example) that a BBQ strictly speaking refers to the cooking of meat outdoors, and you were disconcerted to be offered salads too.
I know that's totally fruitcake, but let him know how odd he is.

Your brother sounds like a bit of a dick to be honest. In future I would assume if children's names are not mentioned specifically that they are not invited. Not sure I would feel that inclined to go. Fair enough if it was adults only but there were babies there so I'm not sure why he couldn't just invite your children.

Where would he think your children would be? With your mother? Or her uninvited partner?

So he’s got a deeply peculiar style of communication? Why ask whether other people would assume the invitation included their children, if we don’r know your brother, who is an oddball?

But it wasn’t adults only, he only invited his brother? (He’s very weird)

If he’d refer to the text, it suggests his text is to be taken literally. You know he would not include a guest if he learned about them later, You know what he is like..so why would you expect children to be invited if the text did not mention them, just as happened with your mother and partner. The invitees are named in the text.
Glad he’s not my brother ☺️

What other types of BBQ are there?!

I'm also slightly frustrated with your communication style OP.

Yes your a family unit. If you and your DH are invited and it's event that is usually child friendly such as an afternoon BBQ yes of course.

Is there some sort of massive backstory here? I’m guessing your username is some sort of hint/dig?

He sounds very hard work and rude. Inviting close family to family parties without their kids, when other kids are there, is odd.

What on earth did he think you’d do with your children on a Sunday afternoon??

Where did he think your children would otherwise be on a Sunday afternoon…?

Your brother is …….. odd. To put it mildly.
Why do you bother entertaining his strangeness?

Afternoon, I would assume that pre-teens were invited too, unless the invitation was clearly worded "would you and DH like to come...".
Evening, I'd check if it wasn't explicit.

Babies are always a bit different to mobile kids; less easy to leave at home, and less disruptive to adult company.

My mil is now making things very explicit, after the time we were visiting and she'd planned an evening get-together with adult family, and someone turned up with their kids. However nothing was said, extra chairs were hastily found, and it all worked out. DD did a great job of entertaining the kids, who had probably never met an adult who willingly talks minecraft before.

@Notmotherofflowergirls I bet it’s a case of not wanting older kids around precious babies , I’ve come across it here and in RL. Parents of babies judging and intolerant of older kids like they can’t even imagine their babies will turn into them 🙄🙄🙄
Awful behaviour, ridiculous! I can’t imagine making small family members feel
unwelcome or not invite them , how low like …

This is highly unusual for a family bbq. I think your brother has issues. At least you now know to check, or you could just send a message saying "DB please don't bother inviting us again unless the invite includes our children, you are well aware we are a family"

Just keep going with your kids, ignore your weirdo brother.

make HIM be specific and then you can have the conversation about WtAF does he think you’re supposed to do with your small children while he extends invites to you only and exclude them? Tell him he’s being weird and it’s invite one, expect all, unless otherwise notified by you/your h

stop putting up with this nonsense

Was it a swinger's party?

What did your brother expect you and DH to do with your children - leave them unattended?
I don't like the sound of him tbh.

why do you go along with this idiocy? Is he a great brother?

FeliciaFancybottom … You’re not my brother or SiL are you?

I sort of guessed people would to h on neurodivergence - he is not neurodivergent. If he were neurodivergent, his behaviour would be easier to explain.

He is well educated in a profession where he could make real money but he works for a ‘collective’ helping refugees and the most vulnerable in society. In real life he is compassionate.

He is witty and seems to be very central in his circle.
He is Godfather to cousin’s baby.

I am assuming the three babies present ( and there was a dog) were invited.

The text, to be fair stated who was invited but I assumed that my children were as well.

I would say that they do more formal events than is usual in our family.

What did he expect, that you would get a babysitter for a family BBQ?

Before 7pm yes, after 7pm no. If over 11/12 and no babysitter needed I woukd probably check as it wouldn’t be clear.