I assumed my children were included in brother’s barbecue invitation

[Notmotherofflowergirls]

So you receive a text from your brother himself the father of a one year old, asking if you and your husband want to come to a barbecue on a Sunday afternoon.

Would you expect that your two children were included in the invitation?

Probably, but it would depend on the exact wording.

I’d be surprised if my brother was expecting me to get a Sunday afternoon baby sitter especially as his child is cousins with your children.

Did he specifically mean just you and husband, or is it a misunderstanding?

YABU - what did the invite say?

You could just reply and ask. It's not hard

Yes.

Anything else is bizarre.

It wouldn't even occur to me to ask tbh.

An afternoon BBQ at a close family members house is obviously going to include the children.

Except I am guessing in this instance it didn't include the children, which is weird AF.

If kids under say 16, then yes

Yes.

It would probably depend on what type of bbq it was - casual family get together? Friends coming around for drinks/cocktails? Celebrating something?

In my family it’d probably be assumed kid friendly but context of the event would be made clear so it’d be obvious whether kids were included.

If it said, "Do you and Ben want to come for BBQ on Sunday?" I'd think, oh the kids don't seem to be invited, I'll phone him and check first.

If it said, "Do you and the family want to come?" I'd assume that included the kids.

I'd assume so but it sounds like there's back story, better to check than not

Unless they’re teenagers that can be left then obviously

when my kids were teenagers I also wouldn’t expect them to be excluded, that’s weird

How old are the kids? Mine is now in her twenties, and doesn’t live with us, so I always say yes please and can x come, it’s always yes.

but when she lived with us and was younger, it wasn’t even a question, of course she was invited, who does that.

Yes, I would - whole family is implied

On a Sunday afternoon, at short notice, I would assume they were invited.

Yes, in that scenario I would assume my children were invited. It wouldn’t occur to me to think otherwise.

(unless there is a history of him preferring child free events, and I’m assuming these are not adult children)

How old are the kids ?
if under 16 I’d assume yes
if older - I’d probs check

Yes I would.
I wouldn't think that an afternoon gathering would exclude children, same the other way around, if I sent a message out asking if he wanted to come around for the barbie I'd expect his wife kids and knowing him, the two dogs.
Id expect it would include adult children ( our family gatherings include everyone.)

Yes, unless they are adult children

Yes I'd think the kids were invited. BBQs are usually a family event. I've never been to an adult only BBQ.

So what's happened? Has he turned your kids away or something?

100% admit the text only mentioned my DH’s name.

We never imagined however, that an afternoon BBQ did not include our kids.

We arrived to find that they weren’t expected. Our cousin was there with their baby and a few friends, one of whom had a baby.

As for ringing to check, this is a major, major issue for my brother.

exact wording?

Did you ask why your kids were not invited but the cousins were?

Yes, unless they are adult children
Id expect my adult children to be included.
What usually happens is a WhatsApp message goes out saying ' we are having a barbie at 15:00hrs, whose coming? Let me know by Saturday night.'