I assumed my children were included in brother’s barbecue invitation

[Notmotherofflowergirls]

So you receive a text from your brother himself the father of a one year old, asking if you and your husband want to come to a barbecue on a Sunday afternoon.

Would you expect that your two children were included in the invitation?

If its a sibling I would expect the kids to come unless he says otherwise. With friends it's so annoying when they don't say one way or another. I have one particular group of friends who are so annoying, if I ask them if my kids are invited, they say yes but only because they are too chicken shit to say no, so I bring them and it is completely inappropriate for children and we last about five minutes. So annoying.

We arrived to find that they weren’t expected. Our cousin was there with their baby and a few friends, one of whom had a baby.
So what happened next?
Where they turned away or given a burger?

Yes I would definitely assume they were invited too. Did he say they weren't welcome?

I would expect it was children included unless hed said "child-free/adult get together" or similar.

Maybe if he suggested it started at 9pm I might check what about the kids.

But a simple you and John fancy a BBQ sunday Id assume theyd expect the kids to come (also wherelse would they be if their family was all at your DBs)

Can you give more information? What was said when you arrived? Why was ringing to check ‘a major issue’ for your brother?

Did you ask why your cousin’s children were invited?

Has your brother even done anything like this before?

Was it an adult only event? Apart from
the invited children?

Did you go home?

Eh? Did he just invite your DH?

Friends I might check, although could usually guess depending on the friend. Family on a Sunday I would definitely assume it was a family invite. It's unlikely to be a boozy affair if they have a baby and it's in the day. How old are your kids?

Have you as a family hosted ‘child free’ events before? If so, I’d of double checked if the invite stated just your names and not a collective ‘you guys free Sunday’.

We never check because children are undoubtedly always welcome in our family- faces are pulled when they don’t come 😂

They were accommodated and given something to eat and asked if they wanted to watch a film. The younger one did keep coming out as she wanted to play with the babies.

I wouldn't even think I would have to ask.
It's very odd that the brother didn't expect them. He should have said try hey weren't welcome if he didn't want them included

Can you give more information? What was said when you arrived? Why was ringing to check ‘a major issue’ for your brother?
Did you ask why your cousin’s children were invited?
Has your brother even done anything like this before?
Was it an adult only event? Apart from
the invited children??

Has he had family gatherings before? What normally happens?

Don't bother then.

So he wanted them to stay in the house out of the way on a summer afternoon?

How odd.

Which bit is the major issue for your brother. The ringing/ not ringing to check?
Or your children turning up unexpectedly? Are they particular sausage guzzlers?
For what it's worth, I would have assumed my children were invited.

Yes. If a family member was having a barbecue, I would assume it was for the family, unless specified that it's an adults only event (in which case I would be pissed off that others were allowed to bring young ones)

You need to explain more, not drip feed

Completely agree. People can be so odd can’t they.

There's so much anti-child stuff now in the media. It's being normalised to be horrible to kids and parents.

Sorry *Netcurtainnelly *
Im not sure what you mean by ' dont bother then' in reply to my question to Op.
Are you referring to me or the op?

My brother would have known I wouldn't be coming if my DC were not invited. Even if the invite was lunch at a pub let alone at his house.

He apparently gets very frustrated with us as in my mother and me and our communication style. He prefers texting.
So he invites my mum and sometimes her partner. Next time he might invite just my mum so she will ring to check if partner can come and brother will simply refer her to the text again.
If we were having an informal event and someone said they had a guest we would say bring them along. My brother would just say Oh that’s unfortunate.

If my brother invited me to a bbq, which is a social occasion, you'd expect the whole family to be invited.

Of course you would assume they are invited it's Sunday afternoon and not someone's wedding. And there were other literal children there. I was pretty anti children most of my adult life but if I invite someone with kids, I expect kids.

Oh this BBQ was not a burger and sausage type BBQ.