I am refusing to take away my children's holiday money because my sistsrs kids are jealous. AIBU?

[dramaticlifestyle]

We are on a family holiday right now. Me, my husband, my daughter (8 years old), my son (4 years old). My parents. My sister, her husband, and their 5 children.

My mum, bless her, really wanted to give everybody a bit of money to spend on holiday. She was able to spare £200 pounds which is absolutely lovely of her. My mum decided to split the money in half, she gave me £100 and my sister £100. I told my mum that I don't need the money because me and my husband already have enough holiday spending money. But ahe insisted, so I decided to give the money to my kids. £50 for my daughter, £50 for my son. That's their money to spend how they want.

My sister did the same thing as me and she gave all the money to her children, but because she has 5 children they get £20 each. We've been here for a few days and the kids have started asking each other about money, my daughter was asked how much money she has, she said she has £45 (She already spent £5). That has caused my sisters kids to start complaining to their mum and dad about the fact they only got £20 whilst my son and my daughter got £50.

My sister has since spoken to me and asked if I can take some of my children's money away because my sister can't afford to give each of her kids £30 because my sister and her husband already have a set budget for this holiday. I said that I'm sorry her kids feel jealous, however I am not going to take away my kids money because that isn't fair to my kids. I split the money fairly, my children shouldn't have to have their money taken away just because their cousins are jealous. I said I will make sure my kids aren't intentionally trying to make their cousins upset, but I will not take away some of their money. My mum also does not have more money to spare because she also has a holiday budget.

Right now we are sitting by the pool and my sister has decided to sit far away from the rest of us. Clearly trying to indicate she is upset.

AIBU?

I think your mum should have given the grandchildren the same amount of spending money each.

As a child I was from a large family and remember feeling jealous because I didn't get as many Christmas presents as my friends who had fewer siblings. That's how children think.

Oof I missed their ages when I posted. £50 for a four year old is ridiculous. What are they going to buy except for so much landfill tat?! I thought you were talking about tweens!

I think it would be very easy to tell them that they’re going to save £30 for home and make a big deal about it - like you order them a cool LEGO set or whatever they’re into for when they get back. Added bonus of it will entertain them for a big chunk of the summer holidays when you’re home.

Not your problem, your sister should be upset with your mum. Splitting the £200 between all 7 kids would have been much more sensible.

So if you weren’t on holiday and your kids had more money then hers, would she come round your house and ask you to take money away from your children? She’s being utterly ridiculous. She had 5 kids. Obviously they aren’t going to get the same as two.

I think with joint family holiday you have to create some mirage of equality. I suspect this will be the last joint holiday!

YANBU. It’s easy to explain to children that money goes further when there’s only 2 of you as opposed to 5. Not to mention different families having different rules etc.

I personally would have chatted to my sister and made sure that the kids had an equal amount to spend- because I’d rather have a nice holiday than stand on a point of principle. I can also see from the kids’ perspective this is almost designed to create tension. And your sister rightly or wrongly probably feels a bit ashamed she can’t give her kids as much, which is sad.

Or if you wanted to give your money to your kids, I would have said can you save a bit for when you get home, so it’s not so obvious and things feel even on holiday.

I think I’d compromise at this point otherwise everyone will have a shit holiday and your poor mum will feel guilty.

Next time either speak to your mum or sister in advance and maybe be a bit more aware. Could you and your sister not have agreed to spend it on something fun together, like a trip to a theme park or water park, or a nice meal including your mum? If I was your mum I’d also be a bit pissed off that you’d used her gift so poorly and created a row.

Really not. But someone who wouldn't want to upset my nephews and neices, and also someone wealthy who was always careful to make sure that on group events that our children weren't given more than their friends or cousins. It's just basic decency.

I didn't call the mum an idiot I just think she could have split it better, halving between 7 children doesn't work.

On a group holiday or even just days out with friends we would always have made sure the kids have the same money. Can't imagine thinking it is fine for my children to have lots more than the others. How is that caring towards the kids or fun for them.

Life isn't equal for children but you can easily level it on family/friends days out.

My children are lucky to get lots of pocket money from grandparents and old enough to go out by themselves. Even then they are very aware to adjust their spending to what their friend has. Eg, not to eat a fancy lunch the friend cant afford. Quite often they will treat a friend.

Does the 4 year old know how what to do with 50 quid? Will s/he lose it, stash it away, put it in the bank, make a doll's dress out of it. WTAF.

Anyway, this is a lesson. Going away with family and lots of kids and a mother who isn't aware of fairness with her grandkids is not recommended. 😊

I think £50 is too much unsupervised spending money, especially for the 4 year old.

I wonder if your mum regrets trying to do a nice thing. She was trying to help you out and now there's a four year old with fifty pounds spending money.
I can see your sister's point of view. This was entirely avoidable. I think your attitude is rather off. If it was me as soon as you realised your sister was also handing out money I would of said we need to redo the split and used it as an opportunity to show the children they were all being treated equally. Way to cause division and bad feeling amongst the children.
What a load of rubbish all the people saying well she did have five children.

I wonder if this is even true, if so you're not a very understanding sister.
Would you for example meet a friend for a picnic and take ten cakes with you, enjoy them with your children whilst your friends children look on who don't have a cake? I wouldn't either. Well done creating envy and bad feeling between cousins.

Exactly. The money wasn't for the kids. It was for me and my sister. We individually (without talking about this) decided to give the kids the money.

but the majority of posters aren’t understanding this

And if they weren’t on holiday would you still apply that same theory? That just because one sister has more children the other should reduce their children’s money to suit her? Come on, this isn’t about decency. It’s about the sister acting like a spoiled child herself.

Exactly this.

Surely there’s some fairly obvious middle ground?
Your kids gave £20 to spend this week and £30 to spend later in the school holidays 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️
Im really not getting the issue?

What a bitchy comment!

Once you realised you didn't need the money you could have discussed this with your DSis and given each child an equal amount.

But now, it is what it is, and your DSis needs to tell her kids 'different families have different things - be grateful for your £20!'

But you must be able to see that there is a bit of an issue for her when your kids are flashing £50!

Do they all know it came from grandma?

Agree with this

I think the £200 should have been divided between all the children. That's what I would have done and I would have encouraged my children to share with their cousins.

I think this would have been better too. It's not the fault of the kids in the bigger family that there are more children to share the money out between, and this is going to feel very unfair to them.

There is no unsupervised spending. He's 4. But he is using his money to buy ice creams and stuff like that

Let her sulk.