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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

I am refusing to take away my children's holiday money because my sistsrs kids are jealous. AIBU?

1000 replies

dramaticlifestyle · 24/07/2026 10:44

We are on a family holiday right now. Me, my husband, my daughter (8 years old), my son (4 years old). My parents. My sister, her husband, and their 5 children.

My mum, bless her, really wanted to give everybody a bit of money to spend on holiday. She was able to spare £200 pounds which is absolutely lovely of her. My mum decided to split the money in half, she gave me £100 and my sister £100. I told my mum that I don't need the money because me and my husband already have enough holiday spending money. But ahe insisted, so I decided to give the money to my kids. £50 for my daughter, £50 for my son. That's their money to spend how they want.

My sister did the same thing as me and she gave all the money to her children, but because she has 5 children they get £20 each. We've been here for a few days and the kids have started asking each other about money, my daughter was asked how much money she has, she said she has £45 (She already spent £5). That has caused my sisters kids to start complaining to their mum and dad about the fact they only got £20 whilst my son and my daughter got £50.

My sister has since spoken to me and asked if I can take some of my children's money away because my sister can't afford to give each of her kids £30 because my sister and her husband already have a set budget for this holiday. I said that I'm sorry her kids feel jealous, however I am not going to take away my kids money because that isn't fair to my kids. I split the money fairly, my children shouldn't have to have their money taken away just because their cousins are jealous. I said I will make sure my kids aren't intentionally trying to make their cousins upset, but I will not take away some of their money. My mum also does not have more money to spare because she also has a holiday budget.

Right now we are sitting by the pool and my sister has decided to sit far away from the rest of us. Clearly trying to indicate she is upset.

AIBU?

OP posts:
dontmalbeconme · 24/07/2026 11:19

beAsensible1 · 24/07/2026 11:15

Bonkers. The money wasn’t FOR the grandkids. It was for her daughters. What they decide to do with it is up to them.

Regardless of where the money came from, it's spiteful and crass to give your children vastly more spending money than the other children when going on a group holiday. It's obviously going to cause upset and tension.

PurpleThistle7 · 24/07/2026 11:19

dramaticlifestyle · 24/07/2026 11:15

My children are buying ice creams and stuff like that with their money.

Well then I’m even more confused as you said your daughter only spent £5 so what’s the rest for? And surely ice creams for young children are bought via you anyway so why do they need their own money for it?

I still think you made this needlessly complicated and it’s quite sad for everyone involved that none of the adults here could just be more friendly about this whole thing. At this point I’d have a chat with your older child about keeping money conversations private and to stop bragging about it and then talk to your sister about how to move forward with this without a massive fallout over £100.

I liked the suggestion above - asking all the kids to chip in for something exciting (arcades, mini golf, fancy ice cream place… whatever) and rebalancing it afterwards. No child needs £50 to spend on a holiday anyway.

MyCrushWithEyeliner · 24/07/2026 11:20

HeddaGarbled · 24/07/2026 11:17

I think £50 is too much unsupervised spending money, especially for the 4 year old.

She hasn’t literally given her kids the cash, she’s keeping it in her purse.

She’s said this a few times.

thatgreenjuniper · 24/07/2026 11:20

dramaticlifestyle · 24/07/2026 11:15

My children are buying ice creams and stuff like that with their money.

Do not make anyone make you feel bad because you have LESS children? It's beyond ridiculous.

Your poor mum, she is being fair and treat her family, you dont' keep the money to buy yourself a pair of shoes or something and treat your own kids, and now your sister is having a strop?

She chose to have 5 kids, completely valid and happy choice, but now it's up to her to manage them financially. Is she always that grabby and entitled?

rainbowunicorn · 24/07/2026 11:20

Rumors1 · 24/07/2026 10:53

This 100% - there is no way I would be giving children of that age £50 each for holiday money.

Just as well its not your kids then isnt it? Why the judgy comment about what OP decided to give her kids as spending money?

CrypticClueless · 24/07/2026 11:21

Your poor Mum

Livelovelaughfuckoff · 24/07/2026 11:21

I’m genuinely on the fence. I think it was fine for your mum to give both her daughters the same amount as a holiday gift. I think it’s fine it’s been given to the kids instead but I’m leaning towards you would have had an inkling that your sisters dc’s were not going to have £50 each to blow and you’ve been a bit shit and thoughtless about it.

personally I think would have given mine £20 each the same as there cousins and kept the rest for them to have another time or used it to let them buy things discreetly when not around the cousins. Actually I think giving a four old £50 to blow on on shite is obscene and it would have gone in savings if I didn’t need it either.

So yeah if I have to come off the fence then yeah I think it would be nicer for you to not let your sister kids feel that somehow yours have been favoured.

dramaticlifestyle · 24/07/2026 11:21

dontmalbeconme · 24/07/2026 11:19

Regardless of where the money came from, it's spiteful and crass to give your children vastly more spending money than the other children when going on a group holiday. It's obviously going to cause upset and tension.

I had no clue if she was giving her kids money or not. I also did not know how much money she was going to give her children

OP posts:
rainbowstardrops · 24/07/2026 11:21

This could have all been avoided if you and your sister had actually done what your mum intended and each of you kept the money yourselves to spend on ice creams or whatever. I bet she’s wishing she hadn’t bothered now!
Ridiculous giving children of that age that sort of money to spend on tat.

ReadingTime · 24/07/2026 11:22

Your decision to give £50 to each child while they’re on holiday with their cousins was obviously going to cause issues between the kids, so I think this was pretty obnoxious thing to do. Your sister is being dramatic about it, but she has a point. You both need to get over yourselves and work out a solution you’re both happy with, before you ruin this holiday for your mum and your kids by being determined to act like bratty kids yourselves.

Breadlegs · 24/07/2026 11:22

Take back all the money and get the children to fight it out hunger games style for the whole lot.

Freddiefisher · 24/07/2026 11:22

Do you not like your sister op ?
Do you not get on ?
That seems deliberately provoking of you ,to give a 4 year old £50 .. knowing your sister couldn't do the same for her dc
What 4 year old needs £50????
Your poor mum tried to do something nice ,and you just gave her money away.
If your mum wanted your DC to have £50 each she would of given them £50 each .
But she didn't
She gave you and your sister £100 each ... assuming you could both be sensible with the money...but we all know giving a 4 year old £50 is not being sensible with money..
I'm sure your mum will note this for the future

thatgreenjuniper · 24/07/2026 11:23

It's fascinating to see who is a grabby CF on here, and expect to get as much as they can instead of being grateful when someone generously offers a gift.

Divebar2021 · 24/07/2026 11:23

I think it was ridiculous of you to hand over £50 to two little kids. What in gods name are they going to spend that on? You could have just said thank you and maybe planned a special meal if you didn’t feel like you needed it. If I was away with my sister I would always have a chat about spending money to exactly avoid this scenario but then I like her and I don’t want my neice to feel shit.

Nocommentisacomment · 24/07/2026 11:23

Goldensprat · 24/07/2026 11:14

Personally I think it's very off that you didn't get together with your sister and agree to split the 200 equally between all the cousins. If you had each chipped in an extra fiver they could all have had 30 pounds and all of this tension and ill feeling could have been avoided.

I wouldn't take the money away now as that's not fair but you all should talk together more.

Agree. Why would you go on a family holiday and not act like a family?

I would never hurt my nephew this way. If my sister wasn’t able to top it up, I would do it myself. Or I would take the £30 from my children and give it back to them after the holiday.

The fact that people here agree that the “sister is the problem” shows the issues with modern society: only considering what you think is right and not caring about anyone or anything else. Very bizarre.

KitsyWitsy · 24/07/2026 11:23

DOn't you think a bit before doing things? This was obviously a ridiculous idea and bound to cause problems. Yes, your sister chose to have nearly half a dozen kids but even so, it's completely unnecessary to give a 4 year old 50. You should have just ket the money in a kitty and used for ice creams etc. Maybe given the kids £20 each like your sister. I feel really sorry for her. You've made her feel like shit and caused her kids to be feeling lesser than.

Gengha · 24/07/2026 11:23

I feel sorry for the mum. No good deed goes unpunished etc. Thanks to the sister’s carry on I wouldn’t blame mum if she kept her money in her purse next time.

emmas123 · 24/07/2026 11:24

My daughter is 10 and I still wouldn't trust her with £50 without any conditions/limits. We'd end up with it pissed away on a dozen squishies the first holiday tat shop she'd come across. I can only imagine what a 4 yo would come back with! There's no way a 4 yo has concept of money either. An experience would have been much better than plastic tat.

It was probably worth a discussion between the 3 of you (mum and daughters) because if she was giving you money where you'd both decided you didn't want/need it, and it was going to the grandkids, the the logical thing would have been to split it across the kids equally.

That being said, it's not worth falling out over. I often tell my daughter "comparison if the thief of joy". If none of the kids knew what their cousins had gotten, I'm sure they would have been happy with £20.

BarnacleBeasley · 24/07/2026 11:24

I think you should tell your children that it's unfair for them to have more to spend on the holiday than their cousins, so you will save £30 of their money for them to have later. Then you haven't taken it away, but you'll solve the problem of them being able to afford more treats than their cousins.
Either that or I would guide them to decide that they were going to spend £30 of it on something all the children could enjoy together. That would also solve the problem of what a 4 year old is going to even be able to spend £50 on if you don't want him eating 10 ice creams a day.

EverMissWicklowSometimes · 24/07/2026 11:24

All the adults involved here are idiots for not splitting the money equally between the kids.

thatgreenjuniper · 24/07/2026 11:24

He knows he has the money, but he knows that the money stays in my bag. I also have my 8 year old daughters money in my bag too.

cancel the cheque

cancel the cheque

oh but cancel the cheque

😂😂

Bluetulips25 · 24/07/2026 11:24

It probably would have been fairer to all kids if your mum had just given them £25 each but she probably intended on you and your sister having the £100 each to spend on what you like for the kids. But also your sister did decide to have 5 children vs you deciding to have just the 2 children soooo… what does she expect. The more kids you’re gonna have, the further money has to stretch!

Larrythecatforpm · 24/07/2026 11:24

She’s being ridiculous, why have 5 kids she couldn’t afford?

dramaticlifestyle · 24/07/2026 11:24

Freddiefisher · 24/07/2026 11:22

Do you not like your sister op ?
Do you not get on ?
That seems deliberately provoking of you ,to give a 4 year old £50 .. knowing your sister couldn't do the same for her dc
What 4 year old needs £50????
Your poor mum tried to do something nice ,and you just gave her money away.
If your mum wanted your DC to have £50 each she would of given them £50 each .
But she didn't
She gave you and your sister £100 each ... assuming you could both be sensible with the money...but we all know giving a 4 year old £50 is not being sensible with money..
I'm sure your mum will note this for the future

I had no clue if she was giving her kids money or not. My mum also said we can do what we want with the money, she is glad I gave the money to my kids. £50 goes fast when my kids are buying ice creams and stuff like that

OP posts:
bettyrubble99 · 24/07/2026 11:25

Why didn't you & your sister agree to just gave each child £20 each and saved the rest for something they can all enjoy.
Your sister is being a drama queen though. And let her be.

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