I am refusing to take away my children's holiday money because my sistsrs kids are jealous. AIBU?

[dramaticlifestyle]

We are on a family holiday right now. Me, my husband, my daughter (8 years old), my son (4 years old). My parents. My sister, her husband, and their 5 children.

My mum, bless her, really wanted to give everybody a bit of money to spend on holiday. She was able to spare £200 pounds which is absolutely lovely of her. My mum decided to split the money in half, she gave me £100 and my sister £100. I told my mum that I don't need the money because me and my husband already have enough holiday spending money. But ahe insisted, so I decided to give the money to my kids. £50 for my daughter, £50 for my son. That's their money to spend how they want.

My sister did the same thing as me and she gave all the money to her children, but because she has 5 children they get £20 each. We've been here for a few days and the kids have started asking each other about money, my daughter was asked how much money she has, she said she has £45 (She already spent £5). That has caused my sisters kids to start complaining to their mum and dad about the fact they only got £20 whilst my son and my daughter got £50.

My sister has since spoken to me and asked if I can take some of my children's money away because my sister can't afford to give each of her kids £30 because my sister and her husband already have a set budget for this holiday. I said that I'm sorry her kids feel jealous, however I am not going to take away my kids money because that isn't fair to my kids. I split the money fairly, my children shouldn't have to have their money taken away just because their cousins are jealous. I said I will make sure my kids aren't intentionally trying to make their cousins upset, but I will not take away some of their money. My mum also does not have more money to spare because she also has a holiday budget.

Right now we are sitting by the pool and my sister has decided to sit far away from the rest of us. Clearly trying to indicate she is upset.

AIBU?

''I feel like you could have foreseen that the kids would be unhappy about the money difference and done it a bit more quietly, £20 to each of your DC and £30 in the savings or something.''
@beeble347
Why should OP's children be penalised for their Aunts decision to have 5 kids??

Personally I think your mum made the wrong call in dividing the money equally between her daughters rather than between her grandchildren. I see each of my GC as people in their own right rather than extensions of their parents so I'd have gone for a 7 way split of the £200. As she didn't, in your shoes I'd have equalised things between the DC because, as you say, you don't need the money, so the loss of a few pounds to stop upset and resentment between the DC would be worth it.
Or perhaps given the ages (4 is young to be given £50) had a kitty. They're young to understand why grandma gave your two £50 and them £20.
If you're not open to that though, then yes I'd take some of your DCs miney away for ''later' as this will spoilthe holiday.

I would always discuss holiday spends for the kids with my sister ahead of time to ensure it was even so there weren't arguments. I don't think you can take the money away from your kids now but you can ask them to a) not show off about it b) suggest they save some for spending back in the UK. I am slightly gobsmacked you gave a 4 year old £50 though!

Then the OP may start complaining that 5 children snacks are more expensive than 2?!
Can't win.

why should one sister get more money than the other?

It's very fair to share equally between YOUR children, up to them to manage their own.

You don't punish or reward your kids for having more children! How unfair would that be.

Great example of no good deed being unpunished.

Your Mum tried to do something nice, didn't quite think it through and now this.

Have you ever met children?
Kids talk about money, especially when they are just figuring it out.

Personally, I would take away £30 from each of my kids and tell them they can spend it after the holidays are over.I’ve been in that situation as a child when my cousins had more money to spend. My parents simply couldn’t afford to match it.

It’s not a nice feeling for a child. They don’t understand work, bills, or responsibility yet. They only see that they want the same things their cousins have.

Op, it’s weird that you don’t care about your nieces’ and nephews’ feelings. I would just say, “Oops, let’s all have the same amount to spend,” and leave it at that. You don't need to make a statement about money when it's no need.

Not saying I disagree with what you did. In this situation I'd have told my sister that I was splitting my money between all 7 kids and was happy for her to use hers as she chose.

Oh my god, really? You think it's fair in a group of cousins that some of them get less than half of what the others get? And you think the justification is shaming the mother for having so many children? Any decent kind person would not treat their nieces and nephews how the OP has done. And any person with a brain wouldn't have handed over this amount to children that young.

He knows he has the money, but he knows that the money stays in my bag. I also have my 8 year old daughters money in my bag too.

I think it’s a crazy amount of money to give young children so the issue could have been avoided if you’d thought it through. But I also think your sister is being silly.

I personally would have given my kids 10/20 each and used the rest for a few rounds of ice cream or slushies or whatever.

I’m feeling very grateful for my lovely sister, so many posts this week about entitled arsehole sisters.

YANBU

It's obviously unfair for 2 grandchildren to have £50 spending money from Granny and 5 children to only get £20 from Granny, and you absolutely know it. What an awful, spiteful person you are not to immediately rectify this, even in the unlikely event that you didn't realise what you were doing. These are you nephews and neices that you're upsetting!

If you and your DS were giving the money to the children, it should have been pooled and split equally.

I feel sorry for your mum to be honest. She tries to do a nice thing, and your grabby sister is trying to cause problems because she wanted more.

it's quite sad.

oh we found the sister 😂

It’s fine. Your sister just needs to tell her kids you have more money than they do because you don’t have many children. Her kids get the benefit of having a big group to play with and I guess they might clam up a bit if your kids make them feel “poor” but then they will learn that’s silly, and yours will learn money is not the only wealth. All good, perhaps you and your sister can find a way through the same issue with each other?

Yeah I feel bad for your Mum, she wanted to help out each family. I wouldn’t dream of giving £50 to a four year old to spend on utter tat.

I would have used the money on ice-creams, new bucket and spades, lunch one day.

I would have taken control. Your Mum has done a lovely thing and it’s caused a fall out. Fifty quid to a four year old?? You might as well have thrown it in the sea.

Their mum should explain to her child how maths works. There are more of them so they get less even from the same amount.

This is what happens when you decide to carry on having more children than you can afford🤷‍♀️ Your sister should have already been on top of conversations like this already as surely with 5 of them there must already be a lot of “so and so has xyz why don’t we have one?!”

Personally I think it's very off that you didn't get together with your sister and agree to split the 200 equally between all the cousins. If you had each chipped in an extra fiver they could all have had 30 pounds and all of this tension and ill feeling could have been avoided.

I wouldn't take the money away now as that's not fair but you all should talk together more.

How many times does OP have to point out that her mum didn't give the money to the grandchildren, not was that her intention for the money. She gave both DDs £100 to spend on years and ice creams etc. It was the DDs who chose to use it differently.

People are calling her mum an idiot and all sorts, when it wasn't very decision or intention to use it that way

But even in this situation, I think it’s okay to get the child who is allowed an ice cream one. We are stricter on sugar than some of our friends and family- we just say you can’t have one of those treats now, we are having one later/tomorrow etc and our have something else as a snack. I don’t expect my friends and family to stop their children having things just because we prefer our children not to.

I just think your sister is being a bit petty, and should speak with her children

My children are buying ice creams and stuff like that with their money.

No argument to be had here, this is basic maths. Your sister is being ridiculous.

Bonkers. The money wasn’t FOR the grandkids. It was for her daughters. What they decide to do with it is up to them.