I am refusing to take away my children's holiday money because my sistsrs kids are jealous. AIBU?

[dramaticlifestyle]

We are on a family holiday right now. Me, my husband, my daughter (8 years old), my son (4 years old). My parents. My sister, her husband, and their 5 children.

My mum, bless her, really wanted to give everybody a bit of money to spend on holiday. She was able to spare £200 pounds which is absolutely lovely of her. My mum decided to split the money in half, she gave me £100 and my sister £100. I told my mum that I don't need the money because me and my husband already have enough holiday spending money. But ahe insisted, so I decided to give the money to my kids. £50 for my daughter, £50 for my son. That's their money to spend how they want.

My sister did the same thing as me and she gave all the money to her children, but because she has 5 children they get £20 each. We've been here for a few days and the kids have started asking each other about money, my daughter was asked how much money she has, she said she has £45 (She already spent £5). That has caused my sisters kids to start complaining to their mum and dad about the fact they only got £20 whilst my son and my daughter got £50.

My sister has since spoken to me and asked if I can take some of my children's money away because my sister can't afford to give each of her kids £30 because my sister and her husband already have a set budget for this holiday. I said that I'm sorry her kids feel jealous, however I am not going to take away my kids money because that isn't fair to my kids. I split the money fairly, my children shouldn't have to have their money taken away just because their cousins are jealous. I said I will make sure my kids aren't intentionally trying to make their cousins upset, but I will not take away some of their money. My mum also does not have more money to spare because she also has a holiday budget.

Right now we are sitting by the pool and my sister has decided to sit far away from the rest of us. Clearly trying to indicate she is upset.

AIBU?

Her money to do what she wished with, but it would have made more sense to give the money straight to the kids equally

She's being ridiculous. I really couldnt be bothered with this type of carry on. Ignore her.

Your mother caused this by not just splitting it equally amongst the kids. What are bizarre way to share it out.

Anyway this is a good opportunity to teach your children that we don't discuss money.

It was her choice to have more kids? 🤷‍♂️you’ve done the fair thing sharing it with your kids. Sorry but all of them are not going to have exactly the same all the time. This is a conversation for your sister and her kids not you and your sister

Seems like any ill feeling could’ve been avoided if your mum split the £200 equally between all 7 grandchildren in the first place?

Was the cash given for the grandchildren or did your DM give £100 to each daughter for holiday spends?

When you choose to have 5 children there will be times when money is tight. I think your Mum did right. Five children is a lot to choose to have.

Perhaps she should have thought about this before having 5 kids if she can’t afford it

Not really her mother did a nice thing by giving them money at all. She didn’t have to

You've given a 4yo £50?

It's a shame that your mum didn't split the money between the GC. As it is, I actually have some sympathy with your sister. Can you save the additional 2 x £30 for another occasion? Yes it was her choice to have more children but that clearly isn't how it's going to feel to the children. This is a situation that the adults should have managed to avoid all this upset.

Probably. But my mum didn't intend for the money to be holiday money for the kids. She just wanted to give each family unit £100. I chose to give the money to my children. My sister did the same thing

The money was for each family unit. The money wasn't directly for the grandkids. I just decided to give the money to my kids

I think your mum should have split it between the kids . But your sister has no right in asking you to take their money away.

Why couldn't your mum have just given each grandchild £20 each? That would have been fairer.

Then she could have used the remaining £60 to treat them all in one go (crazy golf , ice creams, pizza, whatever).

Think your mum inadvertently caused this issue. Good intentions and all that.

It reads as if DM gave the money to her DDs. It was their choice to then give to their DCs. They could have just gotten an excursion.

Someone needs to teach your sister's family a basic rudiment of social interaction: talking about money is vulgar.

You should have talked about it, pooled the £200 and split it between the kids equally.
It’s not too late!

The money was never intended for the grandkids specifically. My mum gave me and my sister £100 just as overall spending money. For ice cream, snacks, etc.

Spending money for a 4-year old? Seriously? Apart from that, your sister is being ridiculous telling you what to do with your money.

I probably would have seen that coming and given my DC less- £50 is a lot for
that age! Agree that adults should have managed it better.

That’s fair enough then!

That was a difficult choice you made, to be honest. Or I suppose your sister’s choice when she decided to do the same thing. Did it not occur to you when you gave the DC lump sum like that, there’d be consequences?

YANBU This is no different from if your DM had given both sets of grandchildren a bag of sweets and asked them to share with their siblings. Your DC will have more sweets each because there is two of them whereas your DNs will have less each because there’s more of them. Ignore your sister. Advocate for your children. This can’t be the first time your DNs have had to accept a lesser share of something because there’s more of them. It’s a good lesson in sharing for them (which their parents can teach them). They could be suggesting that they put money together for a shared toy or treat if they feel they don’t have enough individually. Also a good opportunity to teach about using what they have to earn more.

This 100% - there is no way I would be giving children of that age £50 each for holiday money.

Well, it’s done now and it was your mom’s money so her decision, but in the future, it might be better for her to give the same amount directly to each grandchild to save any issues. £30 to each child would have been fairer. Or for you and your sister to spend the money on your kids instead of giving it directly to them, then the disparity wouldn’t have been so obvious. But never mind, live and learn, nothing to be done now really except for people to try and move on and not let it ruin the holiday. And perhaps in aid of this, the kids could be reminded that they are lucky to have any extra spending money to spend how they want and that comparison is the thief of joy!

I don’t think you should take the money away from your children.

But if it were me, I’d have asked my sister what she was doing and given my children the same for the holiday (£20) and put the other £30 in their account to spend at home. Or maybe to buy something for the holiday before they left (a new floaty etc). I’d have done that to avoid the kids comparing, not for your sister’s sake.

It’s a bit like when I go on a day out with other kids and another family, I don’t buy my child a massive ice cream if the other person’s child isn’t allowed one.

Bur now that your sister is making a big deal of it, I’d change nothing because she’s being unreasonable for asking you and for trying to make you feel bad about it.