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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

I am refusing to take away my children's holiday money because my sistsrs kids are jealous. AIBU?

1000 replies

dramaticlifestyle · 24/07/2026 10:44

We are on a family holiday right now. Me, my husband, my daughter (8 years old), my son (4 years old). My parents. My sister, her husband, and their 5 children.

My mum, bless her, really wanted to give everybody a bit of money to spend on holiday. She was able to spare £200 pounds which is absolutely lovely of her. My mum decided to split the money in half, she gave me £100 and my sister £100. I told my mum that I don't need the money because me and my husband already have enough holiday spending money. But ahe insisted, so I decided to give the money to my kids. £50 for my daughter, £50 for my son. That's their money to spend how they want.

My sister did the same thing as me and she gave all the money to her children, but because she has 5 children they get £20 each. We've been here for a few days and the kids have started asking each other about money, my daughter was asked how much money she has, she said she has £45 (She already spent £5). That has caused my sisters kids to start complaining to their mum and dad about the fact they only got £20 whilst my son and my daughter got £50.

My sister has since spoken to me and asked if I can take some of my children's money away because my sister can't afford to give each of her kids £30 because my sister and her husband already have a set budget for this holiday. I said that I'm sorry her kids feel jealous, however I am not going to take away my kids money because that isn't fair to my kids. I split the money fairly, my children shouldn't have to have their money taken away just because their cousins are jealous. I said I will make sure my kids aren't intentionally trying to make their cousins upset, but I will not take away some of their money. My mum also does not have more money to spare because she also has a holiday budget.

Right now we are sitting by the pool and my sister has decided to sit far away from the rest of us. Clearly trying to indicate she is upset.

AIBU?

OP posts:
takealettermsjones · Yesterday 08:57

wrongthinker · Yesterday 08:54

This thread is so revealing.

You don't give infants free reign to spend money. They do not have the capacity to make decisions that are safe and healthy for them.

They ask for an ice cream on holiday. You say of course! You give them the coins and help them to make the transactions. Fab. Everyone is happy.

You give them £50 or £500 or whatever the amount is. They buy 12 ice creams and they're sick and have no more money. You say, oh well, tough shit, I did my bit, not my fault. Or you say, oh no poor thing, here's another £50, we're on holiday after all! How is either of those things teaching them anything except that you don't give a shit about what they're doing?

Children need boundaries in order to feel safe, including boundaries around money and food. Part of being a parent is supervising your children as they gradually begin to work out the adult world. You don't just chuck them cash and let them get on with it.

Yeah again, at no point is it suggested that the OP isn't guiding their choices.

wrongthinker · Yesterday 08:59

ParsleySageToiletDuckAndBinBags · Yesterday 00:31

And agree with PPs, why give such young children £50 to spend on holiday, that's an insane amount and presumably they only have holiday tat to waste it on! I'd have given them £10 or £20 each and put the rest in their savings.

So an 8yo should only have 70p a day spending money for a two-week holiday, as any more will make her feel like the spoiled lady of the manor? A lot of places in touristy areas charge 20p or 30p or more just to use the toilet!

I don't get why you would expect your children to pay for loo trips themselves? Or food or other things at that age. It's up to you to provide for your children. Sure, give older children a few quid to spend on toys or souvenirs, but surely you don't expect a 4 year old to have to fund their own trips to the loo or meals or whatever?

I'm beginning to think a lot of people on this site are utterly clueless. No wonder there are so many threads about teenagers being out of control if this is the lack of parenting they've experienced.

squirrelchops2 · Yesterday 09:00

It's a weird way of putting things...'I gave my 4 year old £50'. Well, you didn't. Why did either of your children need to know the exact monetary amount as that's caused beef with the others. Same for your sister.
If you'd both just had the money and gave the kids £5 here and there 'from nanny' you'd not be in this position.

wrongthinker · Yesterday 09:01

takealettermsjones · Yesterday 08:57

Yeah again, at no point is it suggested that the OP isn't guiding their choices.

I think it's quite clear that many people on this thread, including the OP, don't feel the need to guide their children at all.

UniquePinkSwan · Yesterday 09:08

You did nothing wrong OP. The sister is being outrageous and entitled. I also don’t get the drama over £50 for each kid. It’s not that much money in the grand scheme of things

takealettermsjones · Yesterday 09:09

wrongthinker · Yesterday 09:01

I think it's quite clear that many people on this thread, including the OP, don't feel the need to guide their children at all.

No, that's you projecting for some reason. Nobody has said that.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · Yesterday 09:12

I would say to my 8 year old
‘it’s not polite to talk about how much money you can to spend, in general don’t talk about this with people. I’m going to put £30 into savings for you, when you want to spend it let me know but you’re not to talk about the £30 with cousins, I’ll leave you with £20 to spend however you want.
then tell all the kids ‘hi kids your mum and I talked and we wanted everyone to have the same so my kids are having £20 now instead’

your sister does know that this will be how inheritance works though

Visiblyabove25 · Yesterday 09:21

The thing I cannot get over on this thread is the amount of people - including the OP - referring to 'your sister's kids'. They're your nieces and nephews!! I would never dream of referring to my niece as 'my brother's daughter'. Surely you love your nieces and nephews and want them to have a good time? Surely the point of going on a family holiday is to all have fun, and to bring your kids closer to their cousins? Cousins have each other, long after their parents have passed away - you should be nurturing those relationships. To me, that should be your prioirty over the 'fairness' of the money.

JediNinja · Yesterday 09:22

Newjobideas · 24/07/2026 10:55

I don’t think you should take the money away from your children.

But if it were me, I’d have asked my sister what she was doing and given my children the same for the holiday (£20) and put the other £30 in their account to spend at home. Or maybe to buy something for the holiday before they left (a new floaty etc). I’d have done that to avoid the kids comparing, not for your sister’s sake.

It’s a bit like when I go on a day out with other kids and another family, I don’t buy my child a massive ice cream if the other person’s child isn’t allowed one.

Bur now that your sister is making a big deal of it, I’d change nothing because she’s being unreasonable for asking you and for trying to make you feel bad about it.

This. I would have also given them £20 pocket money and £30 for the money box at home. Your kids would still have £50 each but during the holiday the spending would be more equal between them all. Why create resentment and jealousy between kids at what should be a nice holiday time?

BakedPotatoBeansCheeseColeslaw · Yesterday 09:23

Cushionseams · 24/07/2026 10:46

Her money to do what she wished with, but it would have made more sense to give the money straight to the kids equally

Edited

Yes the £200 should have just been split between 7 so everyone got £28 each.

Wallywobbles · Yesterday 09:26

Tell your kids the situation. If they buy a round of ice creams for their cousins it’ll even up pretty fast. Obviously they might not want to. And that’s fine.

Harry12345 · Yesterday 09:26

Glowingup · 24/07/2026 11:03

He is four. He has no concept of money or the value of things. You stop this nonsense now and cap his spending so that it doesn’t unnecessarily upset his cousins. Same with his sibling who at 8 also has a limited concept of money and value. Seriously? I can’t believe there are people like this out there.

my I laws kids always had more things and spending money due to a very wealthy gran, I would never think I could say yo parents can you not give them as much as my kids are upset. Kids need to learn that not everybody has the same

ThisHeartySloth · Yesterday 09:27

Did you say this money is from Granny? If you did , the situation makes it seem that your mum favours your children over your sister’s. The children won’t comprehend the whole per family business I wouldn’t think.

wrongthinker · Yesterday 09:35

takealettermsjones · Yesterday 09:09

No, that's you projecting for some reason. Nobody has said that.

No, that's me listening to what pp are saying.

takealettermsjones · Yesterday 09:37

wrongthinker · Yesterday 09:35

No, that's me listening to what pp are saying.

Please point out where people are saying there's no need to guide their children at all?

wrongthinker · Yesterday 09:49

takealettermsjones · Yesterday 09:37

Please point out where people are saying there's no need to guide their children at all?

Read the thread yourself? It's literally about giving money to children and letting them spend it on whatever they like "because they're on holiday! Don't be so miserable!" Although some pp take it even further and expect children to pay for everything on holiday, including using pay-for public toilets.

takealettermsjones · Yesterday 09:56

wrongthinker · Yesterday 09:49

Read the thread yourself? It's literally about giving money to children and letting them spend it on whatever they like "because they're on holiday! Don't be so miserable!" Although some pp take it even further and expect children to pay for everything on holiday, including using pay-for public toilets.

The irony 😂 that's not what people are saying at all. People have said repeatedly that there is still guidance when giving kids spending money - e.g. you stop them buying 20 of something or too many things all in one day, etc. And the point about public toilets was not that they expect their children to pay for the toilets themselves, it was an example of the cost of living in some places being high and therefore £50 not actually going as far as you might think. It's your own choice if you want to spin these comments into nonsense about not guiding their children at all and creating neglected out of control teenagers who don't feel safe, but it's not rooted in reality.

SmellyNelliey · Yesterday 10:01

Without the money given from your mother didn't you both give your children spending money?
I am a mother to 5 children we set them 50pound each on every holiday then when/if grandparents give money that gets spilt between them too.
But equally your sister needs to teach her children we never question what is in somebody else's pocket regardless of how we feel about it.
Your mum did nothing wrong your sister like my self decided to have 5 children.
You and your sister did the same thing,didn't she understand that her 100 pound would need to stretch further then yours?she should of made up the short fall in this case.

jjW29 · Yesterday 10:04

BangBangBangBangBang · 24/07/2026 10:49

You've given a 4yo £50?

It's a shame that your mum didn't split the money between the GC. As it is, I actually have some sympathy with your sister. Can you save the additional 2 x £30 for another occasion? Yes it was her choice to have more children but that clearly isn't how it's going to feel to the children. This is a situation that the adults should have managed to avoid all this upset.

My thoughts exactly! My Mum often gave me money for my DC when they were younger but I never actually handed them the cash!
1.They could easily lose it 2.They were never usually aware of the amount so they couldn’t brag to other kids 3.I’d probably give them £5-10 max if they wanted some cash.
What is a 4 year old actually going to do with £50 😆😆😆

Imightbeinthewronghere · Yesterday 10:05

PinkPonyAnonymous · 24/07/2026 17:08

£5 is enough for tat! My exact thought was £5 buys a pocket sized novelty from a gift shop. What else does a child need on holiday?

£5 all holiday - jees - tightarse

Imightbeinthewronghere · Yesterday 10:06

axolotlfloof · 24/07/2026 20:15

I think giving small children £50 is nuts. It's far too much money. I don't know what you should do now but giving £50 to a 4 year old is silly.

As I have said numerous times it is £3.50 a day if you go for 2 weeks.

£3.50

Imightbeinthewronghere · Yesterday 10:07

wrongthinker · 24/07/2026 20:31

Why is your 4 year old allowed to spend £50 on ice cream?! Or your 8 year old for that matter? Wtf am I reading! You're supposed to be their parent. Parent them! You can't just give little kids fuckloads of money to spend on whatever they want. Jesus wept.

It could be one ice cream a day
One slush
One Key ring
one teddy
one book and pencil
one t shirt

It is £3.50 a day

wrongthinker · Yesterday 10:09

takealettermsjones · Yesterday 09:56

The irony 😂 that's not what people are saying at all. People have said repeatedly that there is still guidance when giving kids spending money - e.g. you stop them buying 20 of something or too many things all in one day, etc. And the point about public toilets was not that they expect their children to pay for the toilets themselves, it was an example of the cost of living in some places being high and therefore £50 not actually going as far as you might think. It's your own choice if you want to spin these comments into nonsense about not guiding their children at all and creating neglected out of control teenagers who don't feel safe, but it's not rooted in reality.

You choose to interpret those comments how you please; I'm just going by what people have actually said. It's clear that our values do not align. I'm sorry for the kids who have such shite parents, but glad to have it revealed to me how shite a lot of parents are, as that helps me make more sense of how troubled a lot of kids are these days. To see people talking about how it's fine to hand fuckloads of money to small kids to do with as they will and let them run around showing off about it to their cousins while their parents use it as leverage to piss each other off... I'm sorry, you're never going to convince me this is an okay way to bring up your kids.

Imightbeinthewronghere · Yesterday 10:10

wrongthinker · 24/07/2026 21:53

You don't stop parenting because you're on holiday! Yes you buy your kid an ice cream, but you don't just give them loads of money and let them do wtf they want with it.

Has everyone lost their minds? Since when do we give 4 year olds massive amounts of money and autonomy?

Called education and teaching them about money

You want the big pink flamingo, knock yourself out - but you won't have any more money for the whole holiday -

My kids loved having their little purses with their money in

Imightbeinthewronghere · Yesterday 10:13

wrongthinker · 24/07/2026 22:25

Why wouldn't you? Because it is terrible parenting, that's why! It shows a complete lack of understanding of the developmental stage your child is in and what they require from you at this stage of their lives in order to feel safe, secure, and confident.

It's not about some people being better off than others. It's about some parents thinking that they can just throw money at their children as a substitute for actually parenting them, i.e. teaching and protecting them.

ODFOD

Lack of understanding about the development stage of a child, they need to feel safe secure and confident

It is £3.50 a day for a 2 week holiday to buy treats with

Teaching them that if they blow it all on the pink flamingo on day one, no more treats!

I must tell my daughter 27 who has funded herself through uni, travelling, buying a house that I didn't actually parent her when we went on holiday

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